Trajectory in our lives can take different paths. And some paths may be more visible and measurable than others. My trajectory last year skyrocketed as most things aligned for me. This type of growth isn't sustainable though. Natural rhythms and cycles within nature and the universe are constantly in a state of flux, becoming woven into our lives causing all sorts of disruptions or alignments.
The obstacles that I keep encountering this year have most definitely altered my trajectory. It is still there, just less visible and harder to measure as it has taken a different path. Knowing this, I am able to let go of where I wanted to be and am learning to embrace where I am going. I'm learning so much and evolving in ways that I never would have imagined.
Kung fu has become woven into my life. I haven't taken a break from my training. I just currently train differently. I am utilizing the many pathways created through my growth as a martial artist. Each of these pathways create their own journey. Journeys that consist of their own ups and downs as I work towards building healthier habits and personal growth.
It's quite amazing how you can hear or read something that sticks with you at just the right time. This has been happening often for me this year. The latest gem of wisdom is the act of responding vs reacting. I am utilizing this gem often lately and grateful for its timely entrance into my life right now.
Timely because dad's health has been an ongoing issue since April and is he now exhibiting signs of dementia. There is also an extreme family dynamic with my 2 brothers who live with him. I say extreme for many different reasons, but most importantly a recent threat to my life. This has resulted in the police being involved and victims services reaching out to me. I don't think of myself as a victim, but I have had to think more about my safety and that of my family and am finding it harder to stay focused.
Responding vs reacting has been helpful to me in dealing with dad and this whole situation. Reacting is usually an automatic action that happens without awareness or conscious thought and tends to be emotional and rash. Responding is derived from the word responsibility and can take a bit more time as it involves awareness, consideration and thought. It requires awareness on my part to break the pattern and step away from reaction into a responding frame of mind. I am becoming better at catching myself jump into reaction mode. With practice I will be able to work towards building healthier responses.
With sparring some people might think that the automatic reaction is the best choice. It happens very quickly and can be effective. The feedback is immediate. Taking the time to respond is a better choice though, but requires time to develop. Developing the ability to process information quickly. Staying in the moment while still being able to process your options at the same time. The more you practice this the faster and more efficient you can become. Responding provides more control and the ability to adapt as the situation changes and can help to alleviate costly mistakes.
Even if I am not actually sparring I am still applying concepts that will help me with my sparring. There have been many opportunities to practice staying calm. I have learned from first hand experience that staying calm can somewhat depend on the opponent I am up against and my current frame of mind. I've had great success and some ok successes. Having someone yelling at you and throwing out verbal assaults with threats of violence and death has a way of deflating the calmness.
Even though my current circumstances have been stressful, I am grateful for the lessons I am learning. I say this truthfully because I can feel the growth and personal strength evolving even though there are moments when I also feel overwhelmed and stressed.
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