Setting the Bar Higher

The female population have a naturally harder time with push-ups. Adding in the aging body to the equation has increased the difficulty in regaining my ability to do multiple full push-ups. The year started off with being able to do 2-3 full push-ups and I've progressed carefully and slowly at this time to 6 full push-ups. Yes, it’s taking me a bit longer than I would’ve expected, but I’ve been happy with the results because there is progression and I’m not injuring myself in the process. 

It turns out that what first started as progressing wisely has now begun to limit me. I didn’t realize this was happening until having a conversation with Sifu Hayes about push-ups. He mentioned having a bigger or even unrealistic number in his head when doing his pushups. It’s like a little lightbulb went off in my brain. My focus had been to add one full push-up with good technique every week or two as I built up muscle strength. Progression yes, quality yes, and yet very slow. There was also mention of doing them faster or slower at different parts of the push-up, a way to trick the brain and body to be able to do more. 

I’ve since experimented with having a bigger number in my head as I set out to do my push-ups and wow, it works. Instead of just going from 6 to 7 push-ups I’ve been able to do eight and even 10 push-ups. It's interesting because when I thought about increasing by just 1 pushup, it felt like a struggle and suddenly I'm doing an extra 2-4 pushups. 

Mentally raising the bar while in the moment has helped me to move beyond the limits I had set for myself. The possibility for potential and progression expanded while still allowing me to listen to my body and train wisely. What I love about this as well is how I’m able to connect this experience to the lessons 'Mastery' by Stewart Emery endeavours to teach us. I see the relevance to my life and the untapped potential that we all hold when we we remove arbitrary limits.

A Change in Seasons

During the long cold winter months, I mostly want to snuggle in and hibernate. It’s a time of year that embraces my introvert self. I also find training and routine are much easier to maintain. Even with the hibernation aspect of the season, I manage to get quite a bit done. There’s less daylight hours, but the days feel longer and more productive at times.

And then there is spring and Summer. This is a time for outdoors, gardening, long walks, camping and patio time with friends or family. It’s a time of year that says hello to the extrovert part of myself. A time of year, where I find it more challenging to engage in training and routine is a struggle to maintain. It’s an also a time of year where I feel a deeper connection to everything around me.

With the change in seasons bringing warmer weather, lovely sunshine and longer days, I’m feeling conflicted. There’s been a bit of a mini internal battle going on as I consider how to fit in my Kung Fu training over the next few months. There are days where mediocrity and mastery are in an active battle with each other. While this may be annoying it's not necessarily a bad thing. The two complement each other. Mediocrity humbles mastery and mastery challenges mediocrity.

I'm not stressed about how I'm going to fit the training in, because I know there is always flexibility and adjustments that can be made. My struggle is more of an internal battle of ego. I've been able to maintain my daily training routine to this point, so I continue to keep that in front of me. With that in mind I open myself to view the change in seasons as an opportunity to embrace this new flow, remind myself I get to, and find ways to adjust. Control is within my power and that control starts with my perspective. It also requires awareness of ego and how I manage where it tries to lead me.

I have control over my perspective, I am choosing my own path and I embrace the parameters provided to help guide me along the way. 

I Get To...

My emotions lately have a tendency to bounce around like a yo-yo. I’m in this weird place where it feels as if my personal/emotional growth is sliding backwards. The positive to this is I have noticed I rebound a lot quicker due to all the work I’ve done in the past. I don’t like feeling less than or vulnerable so conversations with others, team meetings, and one on ones are helping me regain some perspective and continue forward momentum. 

It was about midweek where I could feel myself starting to feel bogged down a bit with my training. For some reason, my mind began to create struggle that hadn’t even occurred yet. Instead of being in the moment and being grateful for everything that I have and get to do, I started to think about how I was going to be able to keep up with my training routine. (A routine that’s actually been working quite well.) Thankfully I quickly stopped and reminded myself I have a sustainable routine and the flexibility to make adjustments as needed, so there is no need to create problems that don't exist. 

The one on ones this week, conversations had and our team meeting have all been very helpful. Some information is new and much of it is already known. After today’s team meeting, I am reminded once again the importance of embracing the journey. And the key for all of us as Todai Ferris pointed out is … we get to. 

When I tell myself I get to, it helps me to reset and refocus. It brings me into the moment, provides positivity and even motivation. And gratitude also happens as a result. Having an appreciation for all that I am and everything I get to do, puts me in a more positive mental space to embrace the journey I'm on and allows joy to flow in. If I can't embrace the journey or at least trust the process, why do any of it? 

When I think of mastery, it's more than just effort and accomplishments. I see it as also having an open heart and mind, an ever changing perspective, developing awareness and mindfulness and the ability to find joy in the simple things.

Thank you for the connections, the conversations, and thank you for the reminders at a time when they are needed.

Ugh - ish

Today’s forms training was a struggle with next to no satisfaction of time or effort spent. I wasn’t in a great frame of mind to start with, and my knees and back were both causing some discomfort. The whole thing just felt a bit like a chore and even trying to switch things up a bit didn’t seem to change much. So yes, I got my numbers in, but definitely not quality. 

I did, however, finish on a positive note. My goal today was to start doing sets of six push-ups, and I was able to do two sets of six. Plus, I added in some knee exercises to finish off the day which also felt good.

My Achilles Heel

My achilles heel/fear to share and work on this year is this:

I have a fear of not doing things correctly.

This feeling has been with me for as long as I can remember. It often holds me back and other time drives me forward.

Doing things correctly as a child, a teen, and even an adult has helped me to blend in, offered a form of protection and manages my anxiety. Propriety and perfection is ingrained in my psyche resulting at times in a deeply rooted mental block. And sometimes to avoid all of this, I simply procrastinate. 

When doing forms or applications I’m trying to balance proper technique, sequence, transitions and flow, intent, and power with control, to letting go and just doing it. And I know amazing things can, and will happen when I get to that state of letting go. I know this because there have been times when I’m in the moment, not thinking, just doing and I can feel the natural ease and fluidity of movement.

The feedback from Saturday’s beta forms has been extremely valuable and ties in perfectly with what holds me back and a theme I keep hearing of letting go. After talking with Sihing Shira Csillag, I have another piece of the puzzle to help me smooth out the edges, develop better phrasing and reduce the precision aspect of my forms. Not quite letting go yet, but tools to help get me there.

There are times where I get frustrated and feel stuck. The phrase "This too shall pass" has been on my mind lately. It's interesting how I don't think of it nearly as often when things are going well. (Something to add in a positive way going forward.) Patience, perspective and effort is required. Experience has taught me to trust the process, communicate, ask questions and remain open to knowledge and information that comes my way. 

This is going to be a very interesting journey this year with tons of potential. 

Numbers Update

Here are my numbers to the end of March:

Pushups - 1270 modified + 60 full

*working to increase full pushups every week or two

Situps - 1330

Km's - 81

*Only tracking intentional Km's

AOK's - 71

Weapon - 103 reps + 185 min on individual techniques and learning form

H Form - 112 reps + 185 min on individual techniques and learning form

Blogs - 6

Mastery - had previously memorized and now working to reconnect myself with it again

Qigong - 4 hours video lessons and practice

Chinese Straight Sword

My weapon and form this year is the Tai Chi straight sword, Yang style 32 form. This will be the second year, dedicated to learning this form and my goal is to learn all 32 moves this time around.

I’m finding that I’m enjoying the process more this year. As I watch and progress through the video, I’m seeing things that I didn’t notice before. My eye for detail has increased and I’m less frustrated when I encounter challenging new moves. Part of my training has included more time spent understanding the weapon, intent within techniques and getting a good feel for basics through repetition. The goal is to have the weapon be an extension of my arm supported by the skeletal structure.

Dedicating 10 minutes per day (this is flexible as more time is needed when learning new sections) has been really helpful with building consistency and progression. I currently get 2-3 form reps each day of what I know. I am also able to spend some of those 10 minutes learning a new move or refining sections. Applying the 10 minute rule to both forms for the year has made a huge difference in how I practice and train.