Letting Go

The theme of letting go in my training came about quite early in the year. I wasn’t too sure how I was going to achieve this as I found it difficult to quantify what exactly letting go should look or feel like. There was no formula or identifiable process to follow. 

At first I chased it a bit and found it to be elusive, before realizing if I focused on it overly much I wasn't going to get very far. And so as I continued to focus on my forms and training, I started to realize how complex the concept of letting go is. It wasn't a switch I could just flip. There is a rewiring of my brain and habits to deconstruct.

Gradually with little conscious thought I began to let go of letting go. Not because I gave up, rather I began to trust the direction I am headed in. And because there is now some awareness of letting go, I've been able to feel moments where it is present. Sometimes flow within a section of a form will give me a sense of letting go. And sometimes speed with little thought of technique, intent, etc has felt freeing. And now that I've had those experiences I can build on them. The way I do this it to embrace a path, allowing openness to rise to the surface without expectations getting in the way. 

There is now a part of me that is beginning to relax more and yes ..., learning to let go. 

Defining a Week

What defines a good or a great week?

This week has shown me how quickly everything can change and improve. And that’s not to say it wasn't a good week to start with. All it takes is one day or one moment to turn something completely around and take an average ho hum feeling and elevate it to something more. A big part of that is awareness and perspective, and having appreciation for everything going on. Even failure can result in a great week with the right perspective.

Black belt class this week was an example of an unexpected moment elevating my week to something extraordinary. (Maybe I just get excited about seemingly small stuff) The week started out average and then during class something interesting happened as we worked on the end of Lao Gar. The question of whether to pivot on the ball of the foot or the heel of the foot came up and this led to some discussion and very interesting results. I can definitely say I like one better over the other, but it also opened me up to the possibilities and benefits of both depending on what my intent is. Previous to that class I had not contemplated how I should pivot or tried different versions. With a heel pivot I felt more open and with the ball pivot I felt more closed off. It was also helpful to feel where and how expansion and contraction was different with a heel or ball pivot. Again, I do have a preference at this time, but I can see there are options available depending circumstances and on what I’m trying to accomplish. 

Then on Saturday the first class of the Sanda Seminar started. I had signed up, somewhat reluctantly because it’s not an area I’m comfortable with, but I do want to change that. I have to say there was definitely some anxiety the start of the morning, but that quickly changed as class got underway and Sihing Lindstrom led us through different combinations while working with a partner. I actually really enjoyed the class and hopefully will begin to feel more and more comfortable and improve with each class.

A good or great week is less defined by an average group of days and more defined by my ability to appreciate every moment and take in the opportunities and unexpected moments that come my way. Awareness is key to this as without it those moments wouldn't exist and my evolution would look much different.

3 Things

I’ve had three great takeaways this week. The first is all about my elbows. The second is awareness of the weight distribution of my feet as they connect with the ground. And the third is about rethinking what, when and where I focus my intention.

The elbows - Focusing my awareness on my elbows as I work on different sections of my form has provided some interesting and positive results. For instance, with the cannon punches in Mlong Kuen the technique feels a bit more condensed, purposeful and possibly more dragon like when I bring awareness to the elbows. I've applied the focus of my elbows in other sections with similar results. The best way I can describe it, is feeling like my energy bubble is closer to my body and I have more control.

Weight distribution of my feet - Working on stability in the Goju Ryu stance helped create more awareness when it comes to weight distribution of my feet. From there it naturally began to transfer over into other areas. I'm finding it to be very helpful in both Tai Chi and my sword form. As soon as I check in and adjust the weight distribution of my feet, I can feel how it also corrects my posture. With that I feel a sense of sinking/settling into my stance. As my body shifts forward I'm better able to retain stability, have greater control and less chance of my knees moving past the toes. I'm thinking this will also help with timing. I've been able to experiment with this a bit in Mlong Kuen and plan to continue playing with it some more.

The third takeaway is a bit harder to describe, but it’s a matter of rethinking where my focus or intention is directed towards when I’m doing a technique. This came about after a one on one with Sifu Rybak and trying to understand and fix some of the chunkiness I was feeling in a section of 3 moves. I realized I'm skipping ahead to what I perceive as the main event. For example: elbow into a palm heel strike. I realized I was only marginally focused on the opposite supporting hand and most of my focus and intent was on the palm heel strike. As soon as I directed my focus to the supportive hand that was clearing, it set the stage for the palm heel strike which then connected just a tad quicker and helped with the overall flow. It was a very small change but enough to make a difference.

Sharing of Thought & Ideas

The Goju-ryu stance has been on my mind since we first explored it in Black Belt class over a month ago. At that time, we briefly discussed the rotational energy cork screwing into the ground, as being outward. There was a conversation that followed as a couple of us, including myself who experience the energy as inward.

I've had a couple conversations since and there has been a bit of playing around with the stance to focus on stability and also to see if I can create outward energy. The closest I was able to get to outward rotational energy was if I tuck in my pelvis, straightening out my lower spine, but I found my knees wanted to pull apart and it just didn’t feel great. 

Thursday night’s class this week was very helpful as we talked in depth about the Goju-ryu stance and its rotational energy. Talking about the hip width of different body types and then standing up and experimenting with a narrow stance or wider stance helped me a lot. When I stood in a wider stance, I could start to feel the outward rotation of energy. And then as we went back-and-forth from a wider stance to a narrow stance, and experimented with different blocks in both outward and inward rotations, my understanding of this particular stance began to evolve. I started to feel and understand how the rotational energy could be manipulated as needed, depending on what my intention is in that moment. 

As I continued to play with the Goju-ryu stance I was able to more easily change my rotational energy from inward to outward without having to widen my stance. This came about by straightening out my lower spine with a pelvic tilt. As soon as I do that, I feel the energy rotation change naturally. I also feel a slight adjustment needed with how my feet connect to the ground due to the change in skeletal alignment. So definitely not a change happening in a split second, but something to work towards for sure. 

My go to at this point in time is still an inward rotation, and despite my skeletal frame I know I can develop flexibility within my natural Goju-ryu stance without having to change the width of my stance. I now see it as a much more flexible stance than I gave a credit for. 

Logan isn't able to attend because of a schedule conflict so we always talk after the Thursday class at some point to go over what was discussed and catch him up. It was during this discussion that he told me he first realized he could change his rotational energy in the Goju-ryu stance from outward to inward during Black Belt class where we first worked on and discussed the direction of the energy. He found he was able to easily change his rotational energy (without changing the width of his stance) depending on his intention at the time. Something else that was brought up during our discussion is... could a person have an outward rotational energy on one side and an inward rotational energy on the other side while corkscrewing into the ground? Something to Ponder? I know I've certainly learned there is much more to this stance than I first thought and it's interesting to think there could be more possibilities than I'm currently aware of.

Discussion, the sharing of thoughts and ideas, and asking well thought out questions all help to broaden our understanding and awareness. Every one of us has something to contribute and when we work together with an open heart sharing our experiences, thoughts or ideas we begin to build healthy and beneficial collaboration that ultimately helps us to grow collectively. Our training and our journey may be individual to each of us, but I believe there is still a bit of responsibility on each of our parts to share and explore together instead of operating in a bubble.

Numbers Update

Oops, apparently I haven't posted any numbers since the end of May, so here are my numbers updated to the end of September.


Pushups - 9530 modified + 1310 full for a total of 10840
*Now up to 12 full pushups per set and working to carefully increase full pushups.

Situps - 10745

Km's - 603
*Tracking intentional Km's

AOK's - 724

Weapon - 445 reps + 530 min on individual techniques and learning form

Hand Form - 448 reps + 555 min on individual techniques and learning form

Blogs - 33

Sparring - 35

Expanding my Training

Collaboration and working together is what comes to mind when I think about this past week. I feel a deep sense of appreciation and gratitude for my instructors, the tools I have at my disposal and my fellow students and teammates, all collaborating and working together to share and assist each other. This is where growth and community builds and strengthens. 

Being on the team this year has presented some challenges as it usually tends to do. And it isn't necessarily the best fit for me personally, but I wouldn't have it any other way as it has filled a much needed hole in my life and continues to help guide me. I think the biggest benefit for me this year is my training has expanded and happens in less of a bubble. I am feeling more connected. 

I’m also learning to appreciate and effectively utilize those moments where progression seems to stagnate. The pace at which I'm learning and discovering this year has felt to be moving overly fast at times. Having pushed through a period of struggle has helped me to experience the plateau and stagnating trajectory in a positive light. There is still reward to be found because reaching a plateau is an opportunity to integrate and feel more in the movements I already know. I’ve come to understand the plateau is actually an integral part of the journey.

 

A Glimmer

During my one-on-one with Sifu Brinker this week there was a brief moment in our conversation where my mind wandered off and I felt a glimmer, that was both inspiring and exciting. It was a tiny yet powerful message that poked through the cobwebs of my brain mid conversation before coming back to the moment.

Yes, there’s definitely some ego attached to that message. I believe though there are times where ego can be positive and play an important role, especially when healthy motivation is a result. Knowing that ego is a factor also provides opportunity for me to become more aware and continue to work on and manage my ego. And this is also where humility can grow as well.

I feel a renewed sense of engagement, motivation and excitement that has been missing these past few months from my training. Moving forward doesn't happen without time, effort and at least some intention. So I'm very aware this tiny yet powerful message and feeling I received came about because I continue to practice mindfulness, I've put in consistent effort regardless of how I'm feeling during these months of struggle and I seek out information and answers.