Loving - Kindness

Sifu Brinker and I recently had a conversation and one of the things that we spoke about was meditation. I am wanting to add some regular meditation to my life to help with some depression, anxiety, and stress. While meditation is beneficial on many levels, Sifu Brinker pointed out that it can also bring unpleasant stuff to the surface that needs to be addressed. He then also talked about learning to let go. Being able to let go is just not something that I am able to do easily. I am very good at pushing problems and emotions to the back of my mind, but they have a nasty habit of resurfacing again and again.

I had been thinking of a book that I had originally bought and read while in India many years ago. I have been thinking about taking this book to Sifu M. Beckett, but wanted to read it again first. I think that she may find it helpful and it also perfectly ties in with where I am at and what I need to work on in my own life. It is a wonderful little book titled: "The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving - Kindness" by Pema Chodron.


The following is a paragraph from the first chapter:

"But loving - kindness (maitri) towards ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means that we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change ourselves. Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are. That's the ground, that's what we study, that's what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest."

The author talks a lot about curiosity, inquisitiveness, playfulness, openness, gentleness, and making friends with yourself. Think back and remember yourself as a very young child. Toddlers are inquisitive, they have a thirst for knowledge and a passion to explore the world around them. Their sense of wonder, playfulness and joyfulness is contagious. The whole range of emotions can be experienced all in one day and yet each new day brings about a fresh start. All you have to do is look at their sweet little faces as they sleep to see the peace and contentment that they feel. We all were those little children how ever long ago, but some where along the way we started to loose that curiosity and inquisitiveness and joyful approach to life.

It has always been my nature even as an adult to be inquisitive, curious, and cautious. I liked that I was curious and wanted to know things. As I got older I started to think and feel that I needed to grow up and act my age. I am realizing now that I can still be an adult and mature without denying my true nature and still incorporate curiosity and inquisitiveness into my life.

Another great paragraph from chapter 2:

"Our brilliance, our juiciness, our spiciness, is all mixed up with our craziness and our confusion, and therefore it doesn't do any good to try to get rid of our so-called negative aspects, because in that  process we also get rid of our basic wonderfulness. We can lead our life so as to become more awake to who we are and what we're doing rather than trying to improve or change or get rid of who we are or what we're doing. The key is to wake up, to become more alert, more inquisitive and curious about  ourselves."

My focus and intent for meditation has changed some what now. I am looking at meditation in a slightly different light. This in itself will be a difficult journey, and learning to let go and practicing  loving - kindness towards myself  will be a challenge. I'll keep you all updated.

Totals for the week

sit ups            1140
push ups          865
walking           30k
Aok's                36

Michele Ward