Reflection From Inside the Bubble

A couple of months ago I started thinking about my journey in the I Ho Chuan and whether or not I saw the year as a success or failure. Even though at the time there was still 3 months to go and I definitely was not going to be able to meet all the requirements, I saw the year as a huge SUCCESS!! A success, because I have faced more challenges and major changes during this past year and also accomplished and experienced much more than I thought possible for me when I first started the year in February. A number of different health issues slowed me down somewhat for the first 7 months, but I continued to push myself and consistently stepped outside my comfort zone. I generally don't like change and do my best to avoid it when ever possible.

While I can recognise all of the positive aspects of my year and everything that I have accomplished, I also see the need for continued growth, reflection and adjustment. I feel like I have barely scratched the surface.That being said, I need to remember to consistently recognise my accomplishments each and every day as I move forward.

Successes and accomplishments this year:

Joined the sheep team
Navigated the world of computers
Journaling regularly
Learning nunchuks
48,820 sit ups
41,890 push ups !!!!!!
Aok's
Spiritual growth
Tackled kempo with a new outlook
Performing in front of the team
Farmers Day demo
Canada Day demo
Alberta Beach demo
Festival of Trees demo
Tiger challenge (2 gold & 2 silver medals)
Created and performed a musical nunchuk form
Shoalin combative class
Talking in front of people
Quit job of 9 years
Enrolled as a full time student
Dragon dance

Despite all my accomplishments this year I am having trouble seeing and feeling an actual change in myself. (I am my own worst enemy!) I'm not sure how to explain what I am feeling or thinking right now. I think that with everything I have done this year, I was hoping for more transformation in myself, if that makes any sense. Previously my life has mostly been about living under the radar, being cautious and maintaining control. Essentially living inside a protective bubble. There have been times over the years when that bubble shrunk or disappeared altogether, some with good results and some with not so good results. I have spent a good part of this past year working at shrinking that bubble and while I can view that as a success, I'm having trouble recognising the positive change and growth as a result. I think that where my frustration comes in right now is knowing that I can't and won't stop the momentum, but wanting results as I push myself to go forward, and NOT feel like very little has changed. It's an internal issue and even though my intellectual and spiritual knowledge has increased, I have trouble applying all that knowledge to myself. Baby steps, Right?

Michele Ward