Mending Fences

One of the I Ho Chuan requirements each year is to mend a relationship.

Part of growing and evolving as a human being is recognizing that while you do not have the ability to control other people's words and actions, you have complete control over how you choose to interpret those words and actions. 

I had the opportunity to discover for myself this past week exactly how accurate these words are. I had received a letter from my ex-mother in-law containing individual letters and RESP money for both of my sons. My ex's dad and his wife had set up an education fund many years ago for all the grandchildren in the event they attended post secondary school. Grandpa Ward passed away in January and his wife decided to cash in the fund and distribute the money to the boys right now. She wrote a letter to each of the boys explaining what the money was originally intended for and went on to say how proud she was to have known them since they were babies and to have been called grandma, but that the chances of them having any further connection would be very slim.

I just didn't get it! Numerous thoughts swirled around in my brain. None of them good! Their grandpa recently passed away, their dad is not around at all, we lost my mom 8 years ago and now it seems their grandma Ward is cutting connections with them. How does a grandparent do that, especially when her grandchildren have already lost so much?

In the past the Ward grandparents moved around a fair bit and even though they were always living somewhere in Alberta and usually only 2 hours away, we didn't see them often. They didn't like to impose even though they were family and rarely reached out to get together.  Most of the effort seemed to come from us, but everyone got along very well and we really enjoyed each others company. After the divorce things changed and they saw the kids even less, but I have always tried to maintain a connection with them.

After receiving the letter, I could of stayed angry and hurt and let that connection dissolve. Instead I called Grandma Ward to thank her for sending money for Logan and Dustin and after a few minutes of catching up, I asked her why she had stated her connection with her grandchildren would be slim going forward. I explained to her that I interpreted her statement as not wanting to have any further connection with them. She explained that was not the case. Apparently after Grandpa Ward passed away very few of his family members had any contact with her. She thought it was quite possible Grandpa Ward had been the one to tie everyone together in this blended family of ours. Her intention had not been to sever connections with her grandchildren. She simply wanted the kids to know that she understood if and why they no longer felt any connection to her. I assured her we would always think of her as family and still wanted a connection even though we had not recently made a very good effort.

Communication is obviously extremely important to any relationship, especially when you feel something is not quite right. Interpreting situations and words incorrectly can cause damage. It would be a much more productive use of our energy trying to prevent conflict and repair relationships. I wouldn't call this relationship completely mended yet as there is certainly some more work to be done. Although it is definitely a good start and we are headed in the right direction.

Michele Ward

Coloring Outside the Lines

As young children most of us were taught to color inside the lines while using the correct colors. Praise was given to the children able to stay inside the lines. Growing up I was extremely shy. Lines, rules and expectations were welcomed because blending in and not bringing attention to myself was important. Fifty some years later I still prefer to color inside the lines of life. Long standing habits are hard to break, especially when comfort and a perceived sense of well being are involved. I have and will step outside the lines on a regular basis, but then I deal with anxiety. There are very few days that anxiety is not present and often it occurs unexpectedly. Most of the time it is a minor annoyance and manageable and at other times it is much more intense. Many people link fear and anxiety together because they appear to be very similar.

 Fear and anxiety often occur together but these terms are not interchangeable. Even though symptoms        typically overlap, a person's experience with these emotions differs based on their context. Fear relates to  a known or understood threat, whereas anxiety follows from an unknown or poorly defined threat.

Kung Fu incorporates a substantial amount of coloring inside the lines when it comes to learning and perfecting our basics. Although if I'm understanding correctly, we then take those basics and adapt them to color outside the lines. The lines get blurry, the waters get muddy and yet amazing things start to happen!

In class I'm the student trying to figure out where the lines are, basics or otherwise. Where do I place my feet? What are my hands doing? What comes next? How do I remember more than 2 - 3 moves? And how do I get my brain and body to work together? Stepping onto the mats exposes all my imperfections and makes it much harder to blend in. Definitely outside my comfort zone. 

You need to dare to be comfortable being uncomfortable to be truly successful. Success is not a one-time deal that you accomplish and then you are done. Success is not a destination that you reach and then you are done. It is a continuous journey and successful people understand this principle. Being uncomfortable is the idea of taking risks outside the ordinary.

To get to the next level of success, a person must continually leave their comfort zone (status quo, habits, limiting beliefs, knowledge base, skill level, etc.) and try new activities, learn new things, meet new people, take reasonable risks, and seize opportunities. They must stretch.

Your comfort zone is where you get your current results. If you want different results, new or better results, you have to get out of your zone and do something different.   BY NEAL BURGIS

 Learning to color outside the lines make take a bit of time, but the effort will be well worth it! 

Michele Ward

Leaving the Detour Behind?

I am trying to figure out a plan of action so that I can move forward and leave the detour behind. Easier said than done though! I know what I would suggest to someone else in a similar situation and it should apply to myself as well, but I can't seem to get unstuck. Right now it just feels overwhelming to be doing everything!

I do a few push ups here & there and the odd form now & then, but nothing seems to stick. Recording requirements has stopped also. Blogging each week has definitely been a challenge especially the past few weeks, but somehow I have managed to get it done. There is this part of me that just digs in and refuses to let the blogging slide. I know how important the weekly blogs are. This is a box I need to keep ticking, otherwise it is a very slippery slope to climb back up and they provide something to hold onto and connect with.

Enough is enough! How do I fix this and how much longer and farther will this detour take me?

I have been giving some thought to the problem and in order to get unstuck and create some momentum, I  think I need to start small. So I asked myself what piece do I enjoy the most of all the requirements? Quite quickly my cane form came to mind, which is sad because I haven't even picked it up in the past 2 weeks. So... the plan is to start small and slowly or quickly ( depending on how it goes) add more pieces and start recording everything again. There needs to be a component of enjoyment and that is where the cane come in. At this point for me it is more important to move forward with baby steps than not at all.

Michele Ward

Taking a Detour!

So.... I'm walking along following the path. This is my journey. A journey towards mastery and self fulfillment. I am following a path I have chosen. I choose how to react to whatever I encounter along the way and whether or not I stop and for how long. Do I encourage others to travel with me or do I go it alone? The choice is mine to make.

At times the way is clear with blue skies and plenty of sunshine. Roadblocks and obstacles can even be a welcome change at times, creating a feeling of accomplishment. Sometimes those roadblocks and obstacles create difficulties that wear us down and slow or stop us on the path. The journey has not been halted though, we have simply taken a detour.

My obstacles have been many lately due to different factors. I have definitely taken a detour. Priorities have changed and mental health is not where I would like it to be. It can be quite tiring to struggle with the same issues over and over. Motivation really takes a beating. I don't know where this detour will take me. The skies are still blue and there is mostly sunshine, but I'm not sure where or when I will stumble back onto the original path. As with everything the choices I make are my own and my journey will continue no matter where I am at.

Michele Ward