Mixed Emotions

Some wisdom from Seth Godin 

_The moments when it’s the most difficult to be kind are the moments where it matters the most._

Sifu Brinker posted this recently and it really resonates with me. It brings to mind a recent event providing an example of a moment that was difficult and provided an opportunity for mindful kindness.

I recently made the conscious choice to give my brother Kevin a hug! As I initiated the hug I remember thinking this is a fellow human being that most likely has not felt a warm physical connection with another person for a very long time and how sad that is. Given our history a hug was not top of my list of things to do, but I knew the difference and importance a simple hug could make. 

To put this into context both my brothers emotionally and financially abused my dad while living with him and Kevin had made serious threats to me and other family members resulting in a protection order against him. It wasn't until we got both brothers off the property and sold dad's acreage that things began to settle down. 

Dad hears from both of them occasionally and has had no further issues. Even though things have settled down, I know all that can change quite quickly. There is a pattern of behavior to keep in mind so I'm happy to keep my distance while monitoring the situation.

3 weeks ago Kevin appeared at my dad’s apartment with no where to go. Initially he just needed to stay 1 night and then attend court in Stony Plain the next morning. He was apologetic and sounding more reasonable than he had in a long time and had no where else to go. (He had been kicked out of his lodging the previous day)

Seeing him in person and talking with him after more than a year was a bit uncomfortable at first. During our initial conversation he mentioned he had made some personal connections in Alberta Beach area and wanted to continue to live there which really stood out for me. His life for the past 10 years had revolved around playing video games and listening to conspiracy podcasts with very little human interaction other than immediate family. Making social connections was a huge step forward for him and I saw that as a sign of hope.

The initial 1 night became another night and another and so on. I certainly didn't love the idea of Kevin staying for longer. I weighed past behaviours, his current emotional state, dad's well being and need to help and my own humanity. Knowing when and how to help without enabling can be challenging. That is where empathy, compassion and realistic expectations come into play. I also have a good understanding of each of us needing to walk our own paths.

The situation was not ideal and created some additional stress for dad and myself. We were waiting on a psych assessment to be done that had been ordered by the court. These things tend to take longer than expected so Kevin continued to sleep on dad's couch. At one point he left for a few days and then he came back, causing a few problems along the way. The psych assessment finally got done and Kevin is on medication which will hopefully help to even out his moods and allow him to function better in society.

 I was able to find my brother a place to stay short term in Alberta Beach that will hopefully help him to continue building relationships and dad is paying for most of the cost until subsidized housing gets processed and put in place. A big part of all of this is Kevin wants to be a functioning part of society with personal connections and is open to help. I put in some time and effort to not only help my brother but also help my dad who was becoming more and more stressed with Kevin and his current situation. 

Empathy, compassion and forgiveness come much easier to me than say 10 or even five years ago. I contribute this to Kung Fu and to all the mindful blogging I've done over the years. Because of this I also find it easier to let go and practice forgiveness. 

I believe there is even greater potential for positive ripples in the world when kindness takes place during difficult moments.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1150/14300
Hand form: 10/215
Weapon form: 14/216
KM: 30/427
AOK: 20/456
Sparring: 2/89
Blogs: 1/17
Yoga: 30/8hr
Tai Chi: 24/259
MM:24/343