Breaking Boards

Our annual break-a-thon often causes me stress and anxiety leading up to the day of the event. Somehow when the time arrives though, most of the anxiety disappears and I find myself enjoying the class. Instead of worrying about possibilities and outcomes, I become engaged in the moment. It's as if a switch has been flipped and it's now game time.

I love the camaraderie with fellow students and instructors during this event. We are all putting ourselves out there to some degree, applying our skill and knowledge and supporting and cheering each other on.

I almost didn't bring out my wood boards that night to try, but thankfully after using mostly re-breakable boards I decided to go for it and I'm so glad I did. The feel and sound that comes with breaking a wood board is a beautiful thing. 

My goal for next year is to go into the break-a-thon feeling a sense of excitement and confidence in myself. Breaking boards once a year isn't enough to get me to that point. Too much time passes in between and so I'm thinking of adding board breaks as a personal goal for next year.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1120/31770
Hand form: 16/427
Weapon form: 12/448
KM: 73/1214
AOK: 48/1068
Sparring: 5/164
Blogs: 1/40
Yoga: 30/20 hrs
Tai Chi: 21/571
MM:45/819

Thanks Again Kung Fu!

I wasn't always able to make the connections between Kung Fu and life outside of the Kwoon. Now I experience connections and the benefits of Kung Fu frequently. It's in the way I try to live my life, my constantly changing perspective and evolution, my struggles, my failures and successes. 

I recently took on a task that most likely I wouldn't have agreed to 2 years ago. A friend from high school passed away in August after battling cancer for the 3rd time. In the early days after being diagnosed, my friend Linda was focused on planning and making arrangements for the end of her life. During one of our visits she had asked me to do a eulogy at her celebration of life and I found myself saying - hmm..., ok, yes. 

Linda's celebration of life took place this past Friday and yes, I did go up and give a eulogy in honor of my friend. And I thank Kung Fu from the bottom of my heart for preparing me and giving me the confidence and capability to take on such an important role.

When Linda's daughter asked me in September if I would still be willing to do a eulogy, there was a moment where I paused briefly before again answering yes. And surprisingly, I didn't find myself overly anxious or stressed about getting up in front of people to talk. After writing the eulogy I practiced reading it out loud numerous times and made a few tweaks. I'm not sure if one can ever be fully prepared for reading a eulogy to a large group of grieving friends and family. The one thing I didn't account for was the emotion in the room. I knew it was going to be difficult, but it wasn't until I was up at the podium speaking that I realized how much emotion there was to get past in order deliver the eulogy and honor my friend.

Thanks again Kung Fu!

Hooray!

Hooray, I've finally remembered the sequence of moves in Tai Chi 4!     

I have been struggling lately with the length of part 4 and being able to remember past the first half of the sequence. This has caused a bit of frustration to creep in. As I feel the frustration, I also acknowledge the distance traveled and am able to move on. The problem is the niggle of frustration has been growing.

At home I practice as far as I can remember. When I get stuck, I start again and continue to practice what I know. And I learn valuable insights that often come from just being relaxed, and in the moment. 

Class time is an opportunity for me to follow along and ask for help and of course we continue to frequently add more moves. The frustrating part is I can follow along and then when I do it on my own,  poof... it's gone. Darn, I thought I had it! This seems to be happening a lot where I think I have it and then it's gone again. The interesting thing though is I can still see baby steps where I'm remembering a little bit more each week. 

In the past I would often feel frustrated and annoyed with myself. Thankfully my journey over the years has helped to teach me awareness of self and to find the balance between pushing myself and embracing the moment. I've learned to be gentle with myself and am finding it to be a much more pleasant journey filled with experiences and teachings I may have missed in the past.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 850/30650
Hand form: 16/411
Weapon form: 13/436
KM: 29/1169
AOK: 27/1020
Sparring: 0/159
Blogs: 1/39
Yoga: 30/19 hrs
Tai Chi: 15/550
MM:24/774

Where Am I ...

Where am I? 

I’m a bit stuck

 - after 2 weeks away I’m finding it a bit challenging to get back on track. It feels like I’ve got one foot on and one foot off. I'm mostly enjoying the scenery as I ride the slow train around and around. There is upward trajectory. The thing is, I know I could be doing more. Or maybe I'm right where I should be at this time. Hmm? Keeping mediocrity at bay has been more of a struggle this year. Thank goodness for the IHC. Without it I'd still be at the train station not knowing where to go or what to do.

What Am I Doing?

Making connections

- The connections I've been experiencing recently are very different from each other and yet they each hold a similar underlying message. The universe is showing me what I am capable of and reminding me of the value of practice. The IHC meeting on Thursday helped to pull everything together and provide the final poke needed. The awareness was already there, I was just trying to dodge the pokes.

 1.  Recent yoga sessions have included candle gazing as part of the routine. Simply put, I light my candle and gaze at the flame, then close my eyes. The goal is to hold the image of the flame with eyes closed. I'm sometimes able to see the shape of the candle in shadow or even the flame itself. The flame can appear as a darker flickering spot or have a slight orange glow. I can hold the image for a short time before it fades away. The connection I made at the time is how similar it is to my Kung Fu and anything in life really. It's very simple, the more I practice the better I will get.

2.  Tai Chi is a wonderful tool that is giving me much insight into my six harmonies and my chi. I recently had the most unusual and amazing experience while practicing at home. There was a moment while practising Tai Chi 4 where everything fell into place and I could actually feel the ground move with me. I wasn't just moving across the floor, it was a sensation of carrying the ground with me as I moved. Just like candle gazing this is something that will continue to develop with practice, time and patience. 

3.  The 5 applications has been on my mind lately as the candidates prepare. I think back to how much I struggled with this myself last year. I had felt completely out of my element and unable to see a way forward. Perseverance and support from my instructors and my partner helped get me to a successful completion, learning so much along the way, while having fun. The connection here is a reminder of what I can do when I put my mind to it and the barriers I can break through.  

Where am I going?

- That is a much more difficult question to answer. There will always be things out of my control. I think though there is more in my control than I give myself credit for. I have some thoughts and ideas on how to proceed. Firstly, I know I want to incorporate more consistent practice into my day. Some of that will be very intentional practice and some will be practice with focus on letting go of ego and outcome.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 880/29800
Hand form: 6/395
Weapon form: 8/423
KM: 29/1140
AOK: 34/993
Sparring: 2/159
Blogs: 1/38
Yoga: 30/18.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 12/535
MM:24/750