Hand form and weapon form training has almost, but not completely disappeared from my routine these past few weeks. I don’t feel as if I’m struggling and yet I do feel a measure of failure with my inability to find time, space and motivation.
With everything happening, I find myself getting distracted by the ongoing flux between storm clouds and thunder or the flowers and sunshine. Just when I start to figure things out and adjust, life adds in an extra component to disrupt my somewhat fragile balance.
The interesting thing is I'm not as stressed as I would have been in the past. Stress is still there it just doesn’t affect me the same way. The reason for that is I do a better job at taking care of myself and I'm able to see past the here and now while also living in the moment. My Kung Fu may look much different right now, it is however very much alive and strong.
There is a part of me that questions how much of what I'm experiencing is mediocrity slowly and methodically creeping in or mastery presenting itself in a different form. I do believe there is a good amount of mastery growing and evolving with areas of improvement to address as well.
Something that really stood out for me today was a random unplanned moment of quiet awareness leaving me with a feeling of peace. In that moment I had a profound sense of gratitude and well being. There was no mediocrity, only mastery in the truest sense of the word in that moment.
If I was to sum it all up... , even though I am failing in some areas, my spirit is constantly being filled with gratitude, joy and awareness for the beauty of life. And for this I feel blessed. Now I just need to figure out how to incorporate more of my forms and Tai Chi into my routine.
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