I Get To...

My emotions lately have a tendency to bounce around like a yo-yo. I’m in this weird place where it feels as if my personal/emotional growth is sliding backwards. The positive to this is I have noticed I rebound a lot quicker due to all the work I’ve done in the past. I don’t like feeling less than or vulnerable so conversations with others, team meetings, and one on ones are helping me regain some perspective and continue forward momentum. 

It was about midweek where I could feel myself starting to feel bogged down a bit with my training. For some reason, my mind began to create struggle that hadn’t even occurred yet. Instead of being in the moment and being grateful for everything that I have and get to do, I started to think about how I was going to be able to keep up with my training routine. (A routine that’s actually been working quite well.) Thankfully I quickly stopped and reminded myself I have a sustainable routine and the flexibility to make adjustments as needed, so there is no need to create problems that don't exist. 

The one on ones this week, conversations had and our team meeting have all been very helpful. Some information is new and much of it is already known. After today’s team meeting, I am reminded once again the importance of embracing the journey. And the key for all of us as Todai Ferris pointed out is … we get to. 

When I tell myself I get to, it helps me to reset and refocus. It brings me into the moment, provides positivity and even motivation. And gratitude also happens as a result. Having an appreciation for all that I am and everything I get to do, puts me in a more positive mental space to embrace the journey I'm on and allows joy to flow in. If I can't embrace the journey or at least trust the process, why do any of it? 

When I think of mastery, it's more than just effort and accomplishments. I see it as also having an open heart and mind, an ever changing perspective, developing awareness and mindfulness and the ability to find joy in the simple things.

Thank you for the connections, the conversations, and thank you for the reminders at a time when they are needed.

Ugh - ish

Today’s forms training was a struggle with next to no satisfaction of time or effort spent. I wasn’t in a great frame of mind to start with, and my knees and back were both causing some discomfort. The whole thing just felt a bit like a chore and even trying to switch things up a bit didn’t seem to change much. So yes, I got my numbers in, but definitely not quality. 

I did, however, finish on a positive note. My goal today was to start doing sets of six push-ups, and I was able to do two sets of six. Plus, I added in some knee exercises to finish off the day which also felt good.

My Achilles Heel

My achilles heel/fear to share and work on this year is this:

I have a fear of not doing things correctly.

This feeling has been with me for as long as I can remember. It often holds me back and other time drives me forward.

Doing things correctly as a child, a teen, and even an adult has helped me to blend in, offered a form of protection and manages my anxiety. Propriety and perfection is ingrained in my psyche resulting at times in a deeply rooted mental block. And sometimes to avoid all of this, I simply procrastinate. 

When doing forms or applications I’m trying to balance proper technique, sequence, transitions and flow, intent, and power with control, to letting go and just doing it. And I know amazing things can, and will happen when I get to that state of letting go. I know this because there have been times when I’m in the moment, not thinking, just doing and I can feel the natural ease and fluidity of movement.

The feedback from Saturday’s beta forms has been extremely valuable and ties in perfectly with what holds me back and a theme I keep hearing of letting go. After talking with Sihing Shira Csillag, I have another piece of the puzzle to help me smooth out the edges, develop better phrasing and reduce the precision aspect of my forms. Not quite letting go yet, but tools to help get me there.

There are times where I get frustrated and feel stuck. The phrase "This too shall pass" has been on my mind lately. It's interesting how I don't think of it nearly as often when things are going well. (Something to add in a positive way going forward.) Patience, perspective and effort is required. Experience has taught me to trust the process, communicate, ask questions and remain open to knowledge and information that comes my way. 

This is going to be a very interesting journey this year with tons of potential. 

Numbers Update

Here are my numbers to the end of March:

Pushups - 1270 modified + 60 full

*working to increase full pushups every week or two

Situps - 1330

Km's - 81

*Only tracking intentional Km's

AOK's - 71

Weapon - 103 reps + 185 min on individual techniques and learning form

H Form - 112 reps + 185 min on individual techniques and learning form

Blogs - 6

Mastery - had previously memorized and now working to reconnect myself with it again

Qigong - 4 hours video lessons and practice

Chinese Straight Sword

My weapon and form this year is the Tai Chi straight sword, Yang style 32 form. This will be the second year, dedicated to learning this form and my goal is to learn all 32 moves this time around.

I’m finding that I’m enjoying the process more this year. As I watch and progress through the video, I’m seeing things that I didn’t notice before. My eye for detail has increased and I’m less frustrated when I encounter challenging new moves. Part of my training has included more time spent understanding the weapon, intent within techniques and getting a good feel for basics through repetition. The goal is to have the weapon be an extension of my arm supported by the skeletal structure.

Dedicating 10 minutes per day (this is flexible as more time is needed when learning new sections) has been really helpful with building consistency and progression. I currently get 2-3 form reps each day of what I know. I am also able to spend some of those 10 minutes learning a new move or refining sections. Applying the 10 minute rule to both forms for the year has made a huge difference in how I practice and train. 

A Life Well Lived

A Celebration of Life for my dad was held yesterday, Saturday, April 4th. The week leading up to this has mostly been spent in final preparations and writing a eulogy to honour his life and memory. I found putting together the eulogy helped memories to surface, gaining an even greater appreciation of what a truly wonderful and amazing man he was. My dad was a steady guiding light in many people’s lives. He was unassuming, intelligent, led by example and was always finding opportunities to expand and grow. 

As a young boy dad was a dreamer, often laying on the grass at night, looking up at the stars and dreaming about possibilities. But he did more than just dream - he carried those dreams in his heart, and he used them as fuel to build a beautiful life. 

Dad was always learning, whether it was changing a transmission in his vehicle with help from a neighbour, building our house on the acreage from the ground up (friends and family coming together) or exploring his creativity through drawing and painting. His painting adventures first began with watercolours which also led into photography, before expanding into pastels, oils and acrylics. At some point he also became interested in genealogy, spending many hours researching and collaborating with his sister. Our family tree has been traced back to the year 629, with documentation and supporting records going back to the 1200s. He also liked to dabble in writing short stories from time to time.

He also had an entrepreneurial spirit. Dad owned and operated a rental business with a focus on outdoors equipment while in his 30"s.Then another business later in life operated by him and my mom for 12 years before retiring. He never let his lack of education hold him back. 

Dad was a solid presence with a kind, gentle heart and unwavering support. Quiet by nature, he didn’t speak just to fill the room, but when he did, it was often with a well time joke or a story worth hearing. Beneath his steady exterior was a warm, patient soul who found joy in making others smile. 

When I look back over the years and think about all of dad's accomplishments and the connections he had with family and friends, I’m amazed how seemingly effortless he made it all appear. And as we were finishing up his Celebration of Life on Saturday, it became apparent that dad had spent much of his life in the pursuit of mastery and going beyond his arbitrary limits.

Mastery is the result of consistently going beyond our limits!