Not Much to Report

There is nothing much to report. I'm struggling to find something, anything to write about that isn’t a rehash of previous posts. At times it all feels like the same old, same old struggles. This is where I am currently stuck and motivation has been lacking due mostly to how difficult it is now to train. I have limited space and opportunity to work in training while at home with an adolescent puppy around.

Again, I half to remind myself I am moving forward even if it is at a much slower pace than I would like. 

Making the Best Choices

My wellbeing, my growth and my overall outlook on life is directly related to the people I surround myself with. Books, podcasts, and social media posts etc all contribute as well. Every time I open myself to information and positive experiences that align with who I am and who I'm becoming, it helps me on my journey. It's just another piece of the puzzle that helps to provide direction and propels me forward. As my awareness of this grows I become even more mindful and careful of my choices.

Going with the Flow

I’ve been learning to adjust more and more and go with the flow. What that means for me is being adaptable, being flexible and opening my eyes and my heart to see and appreciate the possibilities.Going with the flow is a wonderful concept. It’s more than just floating mindlessly through life though. Mastery can still be worked into a 'go with the flow mindset'.

This week is a great example of how I was able to adapt to my changing routine and take advantage of an opportunity. I've been taking Willow to the dog park much earlier in the morning and most days we've had the place or at least a section of it to ourselves. It has been peaceful, quiet and perfect for a bit of Tai Chi. And I've also been able to add in a form rep here and there. Willow gets to do her thing and I get to do something for me. We both walk away happy.

Tracking

 What gets measured gets managed!

I have experienced this over and over and yet I still struggle with consistency and finding an effective and efficient method of tracking. The problem is I do not enjoy this aspect of managing goals. On one hand there are the tasks and goals themselves to be tracked and figuring out how best to measure them, and then there is also the effort it takes to keep track of everything. 

The act of keeping track seems to at times require more effort than the task or goal itself, which really feels counter productive at times. And yet I know when I'm on top of my record keeping, I'm able to measure more accurately where I am and what I'm doing. What I have found in the past is consistent daily tracking gives me a very clear measure of trajectory and can be motivating. 

I know I can't effectively manage something that isn't being tracked and measured. So why then can I not seem to stay consistent, especially when I know that tracking helps to measure, and measurements provides direction which leads to better management and success?

Rollercoaster Ride of Thoughts & Emotions

Embracing the here and now also means letting go of what once was and recognizing when, where and how my ego tries to insert itself. 

A thought that very recently popped into my head was that I'm letting people down and letting myself down. It was a very quick, and random thought with some emotion (guilt) attached. Shortly after I questioned how much of that random thought was ego. 

Ok ego, thank you - I've got this. 

Yes, I am having somewhat of an internal challenge with the changes to my Kung Fu world these past months. For many years I was very engaged with Kung Fu, attending my own classes, IHC most years and helping out in other classes. A fairly solid routine had been built that ebbed and flowed to a small degree, but was relatively consistent year after year. The Kwoon has been like a second home for me and many aspects of Kung Fu have become ingrained in my everyday life. And at this moment it feels a bit like it's slowly slipping away. I know this isn't completely accurate and yet I do need to be careful and find ways to stay engaged.

Having my ego surface like that gave me the opportunity to look a bit closer at the changes so that I can reflect, understand and make peace with everything. It is not a quick fix but much easier to work out when I acknowledge what is happening.

What I find interesting is I don't view any of what I'm experiencing as bad, down, or failing. I actually feel resistance when thinking about and trying to attach the opposite of good as bad or the opposite of up as being down. So where does that leave me and how do I quantify what I'm feeling and where I am at? The short answer is I am human. I'm learning, growing and living and loving life the best I can. 

Sparring

It’s been too long since I’ve taken part in some actual sparring rounds which is why sparring during Tuesdays class came at a perfect time. I'm always nervous at the start and unsure of my abilities. And then, as soon as we bow in, its game on and I mostly find myself enjoying the matches.

During Tuesday nights sparring we started off at about 5% and then after a few rounds increased to 30%. Those first few rounds at a lower intensity were my best. I felt more in control and able to think about strikes and parries. When I think about 5, 30 or even 50% I think in terms of power. What was interesting though is I realized speed tends to naturally increase along with intensity. And that speed can be frantic at times or under control.

5-15 and even up to 25% at times is I think where my base line lies when it comes to technique, control and my ability to assess and make adjustments in the moment. As soon as we move past the 25% range, I can begin to see and feel less efficiency and control. 

So this tells me obviously I need to do more sparring with a partner and I need to practice at different intensity levels to learn to be more comfortable and develop the skill to increase speed in a controlled and calculated manner relative to the energy delivered.

Joy!

I continue to struggle a bit with motivation and finding opportunities to train. Less than healthy snacking is an issue with sweets and carbs being the biggest challenge and most likely causing some of my increased knee pain. 

How much does any of that even matter? Can one word or feeling take all that away...?

As I think back over my week, aside from everything else going on, there is one thing that stands out and that is a feeling of joy! 

After a difficult and challenging interaction with someone on Thursday, I needed to refresh and so I set off to the dog park with Willow. With all the fresh snow I knew she would love to run and play around in it and burn off some energy. When we arrived there was no one else around. Imagine a huge dog park with no other people or animals in sight. What a wonderful thing!

We had the most amazing time together. Willow raced back and forth, ran circles and did lots of sniffing as we walked and explored. I mostly enjoyed watching her freedom of movement and the bursts of energy. Both of us were completely free from any stress of meeting new dogs, expectations or potential issues. Free to just be and enjoy the outdoors and all that space. I remember looking up at the sky as the sun was starting to set, in awe of the vastness and beauty of it all and feeling blessed. It was also a feeling of joy that has carried over into the rest of my week.

Joy is something we can choose and cultivate at any given time. It happens in moments of deep awareness and appreciation for all that is. Joy is waiting to be discovered and is a powerful and lasting entity/force. That all encompassing feeling of joy has the power to boost the ups and minimize the downs in life. It fills up my entire being and gives me a deep sense of knowing that I can’t quite explain in words. What comes to mind is simplicity. Joy takes away the complexities of our western world and replaces it with beauty and simplicity. 

The idea and definition of mastery can be complex and is something I’ve mulled over many times and tried to define. I feel we tend to overcomplicate mastery and don’t have enough of an understanding of what we are looking to achieve and what mastery really is. I see the pursuit of mastery as a tool to find and help us achieve the greatness that already resides within each of us. All the effort we put in to get there helps to build a foundation that allows us at some point in the future to let go and just be the best version of ourselves.

I see mastery is a blend of heightened awareness, mindfulness, being present, simplicity and seeing and feeling the beauty all around us and within.