For Better or Worse

Here's a little background first. 8 years ago my husband at the time was given a choice to smoke some crack with a buddy of his and he did not choose wisely. 8 years ago he became a crack addict. When he made that initial decision, he chose the drug over his family. This was his life experience and his path to take. And with the ripple effect it also became the path and experience of those around him for better or worse. It did not matter how hard we all tried to help, he didn't think that he needed any help or that he had a problem. Try to explain that to a 6, 14, and 18 year old.

 After about 4 years of no fixed address and very little contact with family or friends he reluctantly accepted help and went into a rehab program. After getting help he moved to Red Deer where his dad lived and started to rebuild his life. I believe that he had suffered from undiagnosed and untreated depression for a long period of time and still does. His mentality and lifestyle is that of about a 23 year old in a lot of respects. Now he has simply traded the crack for alcohol and pot.

There is a great person underneath all that baggage that he carries around and I know that he loves his children dearly, but at the same time he chooses not to be involved in their lives regularly. Even though we may not see or hear from him for up to 6 months at a time, I am always open to him coming and staying with us so that the kids can continue a relationship with him and it can be done in a safe and healthy environment.

I have learned more about drug use and addictions than I ever thought I would know or wanted to know. I have also learned how closely depression and mental illness can be tied in with addictions.

This past weekend was one of celebration and new beginnings. My daughter and her fiance` were married in their new home on Saturday with a small gathering of family to share in their special day. We celebrated the day with an early thanksgiving dinner that also included my ex husband. I am grateful that my oldest son was able to get his dad to come with him from Red Deer to attend the wedding. As trying as it can be to have him around in my space, it also gives me the opportunity to practise patience, awareness and understanding.

It can be difficult to let go of hurt, disappointment, and anger, but when I look at all of the successes and the positives that have come about for myself and for my children, I am reminded to trust in the journey.


Numbers

sit ups                 890 (35,010)    
push ups             930 (25,875)
walking              27k (1024.9)
sparring              0     (156)
kempo                3     (215)
nunchuks           10    (431)
Aok's                 34    (697)

Michele Ward