I Am Humble

I struggled a bit with the concept of being humble as it applies to me. And so I felt compelled to reflect and write about this quality to help me to sort things out and have a better gauge of where I'm at on the humble meter. 

At first as I started doing some research and discovered all the traits to be found in someone living a life of humbleness I found myself thinking that my humble meter was on the low side of the scale. I know there are times when my ego takes over and I can also be very competitive. There are times when I am boastful or looking for that pat on the back, the praise of a job well done. There are times when I put off doing the work needed for additional personal growth. I am often also judgemental. Lots of room there for improvement.

I then started to really look over all the various qualities that a humble person would embody. And I began to see some of those same qualities in myself. I have empathy and compassion. I am developing self awareness and am learning to be less judgemental. I practice gratitude in the morning and at night and I practice forgiveness. Recognizing these qualities in myself has helped to improve the position of the bar on my personal humble meter. Taking the time to make a personal assessment helps me to have a more accurate idea of what areas are needing to be addressed and worked on. 

And so I found that I had more humble qualities than I first thought when I sat down to write this blog. My journey continues as I cultivate these qualities and I work towards being more humble. This is one of those "I am" topics that will need to be revisited at a later date as there is still work to be done and improvements to be made. 

Qualities of a humble person

Be Mindful & Compassionate - listen, have empathy & compassion, recognize everyone is on their own path, notice thoughts and emotions without judgement, develop self awareness

Embrace your humanness - recognize strengths and weaknesses, learn from your mistakes, better yourself rather than others, recognize the pride you feel without needing to seek attention

Practice gratitude - being thankful for everything that we have and are, helps us to become more aware and appreciative of the abundance in our lives and the value of others around us.

Helping others - lend a helping hand, show kindness, be respectful and mindful, practice forgiveness

Mastery in Progress

The first couple of months my efforts towards mastery were very apparent. I was able to get the team requirements done with daily bonus reps built in. I was logging everything. I was blogging. My numbers were great for a full 2 months. The additional training that I was doing to prepare myself and work towards earning my black belt quickly hit a snag though. I soon realized that my knees were not going to be able to keep up with the number of reps I had planned for all of the different forms. I reduced the number of daily reps and found they were still not cooperating. Just doing my IHC hand form is a struggle most days so I have to space out the reps through the day.

As stress started to increase and worry as our dog's health declined, I felt my attention and energy pulling away from training. I am now in a suspended state of grief. Grief over the loss of our dog and I have yet to embrace that grief. Instead I thought I could push it down and carry on with my busy life. There just never seems to be the right time or enough time to allow myself to grieve. I knew grieving was going to be an issue. I was fearful of letting go and sinking into that grief. Afraid of the depths of that grief and so mostly avoiding it all together. 

Shortly after our dog passed my dad's health took a turn. We are now dealing with him not being able to drive any longer, a difficult family dynamic and his current living situation. And when I factor in the discouragement I feel when it comes to my reduced ability to train along with the rest of life's normal stressors, mediocrity has inserted its way into my life. 

On one hand there is some mediocrity in my life and on the other hand mastery is still a component as well. They are not in battle with each other but rather mastery is feeding off of mediocrity. Mediocrity is helping me to progress in my efforts towards mastery. With everything that is going on I am still able to recognize areas to tackle and continue adding more mastery into my life. 

I am not hiding under a rock or burying my head in the sand even though it sometimes feels like it. Mastery may not be as apparent as it was in those first 2 months. Not everything is always bright and shiny shouting "Look at me!" Those first 2 months were full of gold stars and I was a different person then. With help I'm learning to recognize and appreciate the value of the not so bright and shiny moments. 

My concept and understanding of mastery is evolving. Mastery isn't necessarily a box to check or a gold star to receive. Mastery is no one thing. Mastery is living life intentionally with a higher awareness of self and others that helps to drive more mindful and conscious thoughts and actions.

When I look beyond the bright shiny moments from February and March and see what is in place underneath, I see components of mastery. These components of mastery have endured throughout the stressful and difficult times. In addition I've been able to continue to make adjustments and make further progress towards mastery. I take advantage of the good days and do more if I'm able. And even the not so good days have a good base to operate from. 

My mastery in progress

I am 2 weeks into a detox/cleansing diet to detoxify and further build healthy eating habits. I started this during what I knew was a very stressful time because I knew the benefits would eventually help with the stress and overall health.  

I recite mastery each morning while also working on my horse stance. There are still some memory issues with the last paragraph. Almost there. I practice keeping my feet straight, opening my hips more and getting lower as I recite each paragraph.   

I do my knee stretches and exercises each morning for 45 minutes. As I do these I focus on things like breathing, engaging my core muscles and being grounded. I also work on contraction and expansion and control.  

I listen to those voices that speak to me when I'm having a good day. And by listening I've been inspired to put together a challenge for the whole school and am hoping to get the whole team involved to help with the project. Details to come. 

My knees are making it difficult to train the way I had planned so I am learning to adapt and looking for ways to adapt my kung fu training. Helping out at the beginner teen adult class has been a way to step out of my comfort zone, increase confidence and develop some teaching skills.  

It can be all too easy to focus on the stuff that isn't getting done. Mastery can still take place while mediocrity is at your door. Don't let mediocrity discourage you.

I Am a Student

I am a student of life

I am a student of Kung Fu       

I am a student of change & adaptation

I am a student of ....

The complete I am list is a great example of all the ways it means to be a student of life. Every word or phrase on the list helps me to reflect on where I am at currently and embodies potential areas for personal growth now and into the future.

Lately, I've been finding it difficult to navigate and understand where I am at, making it challenging to reflect and formulate coherent and concise thoughts or realizations. I did however have a realization recently that when it comes to my job situation I am getting in own way, causing my to be stuck and finding it difficult to move forward. This realization has also helped to remind me of how much I still have to discover and learn about life. I am and always will be a student. I am listening to that very intuitive little voice inside my head more and more. There is much wisdom there.

I am learning to bend and flow with ease. I am learning the art of letting go. I am learning to implement healthy eating habits consistently. I am learning to be gentle with myself and I am also developing increased awareness of when and how far to push myself. I am learning to recognize obstacles and barriers that are self created so that I can make adjustments and continue to move forward.

I am building awareness and creating positive habits. The process often takes much longer than I'd like though. On a daily basis progression can appear to move at a snails pace and yet when I look at a larger chunk of time like a year for example, there can be a huge amount of forward momentum. 

Kung Fu and being an active member of the IHC team has taught me how to be a lifelong student. I have developed awareness and an increased sense of self. Never before have I had such a thirst for knowledge and direction in my life. Through this process I have been able to create positive habits with more and more consistency and add them into my daily routine. Success and progress often come in the smaller components that we are able to implement with consistency.

The more I learn, the more I realize the vastness of learning still to come. I am a student of life, for life!

Room For Improvement

 

My numbers for April took a bit of a dive. As motivation decreased and mediocrity increased, I found myself challenged to not only put in the time and effort but also remember to record what I was getting done. And recording the acts of kindness were the most difficult to remember. 

I know that I need to stay on top of my tracking system even when my numbers are not where I want them to be. The act of tracking my progress is a tool itself to help create awareness of where I am at and it keeps me from sliding even further downward. Not tracking leads to not doing. Taking a look at my numbers for each day throughout the month of April and the year to date has helped to inspire me to push myself as I work towards getting back on track.

Numbers February 1 - April 30

PU - 14000                  Sparring - 314         Spending Challenge - on track

SU - 14190                  KM - 250                Book - progressing slowly

Hand Form - 338        AOK - 329

Weapon - 350            Yoga - 9 Hrs

Mediocrity

The urge to settle for the more comfortable option, aka mediocrity, has been pulling me down this past month. I am dealing with an enormous amount of stress right now due to an evolving situation with my dad's health and his living situation. Woven into all this is a very difficult family dynamic involving my 2 brothers. The whole situation unfortunately will most likely get worse before it is resolved. Extra time, effort and energy are all needed almost continuously. This evolving situation is causing me to be reactive at times while also looking for ways to be more proactive to help avoid potential future issues. 

I have reminded myself that I will never be given more than I can handle.  One day at a time, one moment at a time. Breathe, plan, adjust and ask for help. 

I have visited mediocrity many times over the years. The comfortable option pulls even more when overall health is not being taken care of as stress increases. As stress builds and affects my mental health, my capacity for continuing the climb upward diminishes and motivation falters causing a ripple effect in other aspects of my daily routines. Mediocrity slowly starts to wheedle its way in. I am tired, both mentally and physically. It's like a dreary day drawing me inward. And as things compound my emotional state suffers and I find myself wanting to hide in my bubble. 

I am noticing that pull towards mediocrity quicker now. Instead of making that downward slide and landing completely off the path, I am finding those all important tools that I have accumulated over my years of Kung Fu training are helping more and more. Important daily routines and consistency have been building and my base is becoming more solid and getting stronger. This is something that I need to remind myself of daily. Gratitude for all that I am, all that I have and all that I am becoming. A reminder of my successes so that I am not pulled down even further by what I am not getting done.

When I am actively pursuing mastery, everything falls into place and supports my journey towards mastery. I make healthier eating choices, I am more engaged and active. And as a result I feel that I can do almost anything. I am pumped! I see the possibilities and the potential. Mediocrity is not a place I want to be and yet it can still provide valuable lessons and insights.  

Time to regroup and address some poor eating habits and build on some existing good dietary habits. Starting May 2nd I will be starting a 21 day detox program. The goal is to detox, learn which foods work best for my body and which don't, develop meal prep strategies and make healthy eating the norm. In addition I will practise filling myself up with gratitude each day and seek support from friends, family and other supportive agencies. One step at a time. This is something I will need to keep reminding myself of daily.