Sneaky Ego

I can almost pinpoint the exact moment my thought process veered off track and ego started to worm it's way in. The week of July 11th. I remember thinking how evolved I was becoming. Ego had snuck up on me with a huge congratulations and a big pat on the back. 

I was having so much success in learning from each and every struggle. The inability to get back on track with my training became less and less important. I was making huge strides in other areas of my personal growth. I could sense myself evolving and began to feel empowered. And as that happened I found myself ok with not getting as much training done.

Ego can be sneaky sometimes. I sure didn't see it coming. I was too consumed with work, life and my dad, among other things. So as I struggled and was unable to get back on the training wagon, ego was the furthest thing from my mind. 

I knew that feeling guilty could become and issue and so I turned my focused to gratitude and being more aware of the positives and successes throughout the days and weeks. Even though I wasn't able to get my physical training back on track, I was still going to all my classes, helping out when available, engaging with the team, planning projects, working at figuring out where I am and what I'm doing and blogging. I actively worked through every snag that I encountered along the way. The actions, reflections, realizations and personal growth became my life preserver as I floundered around in an ocean of wave after wave. 

I put a lot of effort into where I was, what I was doing and why. At the time that's what I was able to do, both physically and mentally. Somethings just need to be worked through at their own pace so I don't think anyone could have helped me at the time. Even though I veered off track I don't see it as wasted effort because of the valuable lessons learned along the way. I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Attending Thursday nights IHC meeting was very timely and highly important in my personal journey. I think that because I had been able to restart my physical training with more consistency prior to the meeting I was also able to absorb the messages Sifu Brinker provided to us. I had already started to forge a new path, hopefully leaving most of the ego behind. Thursday nights meeting provided much needed reinforcement and helped to provide more clarity.