Contentment

I allow for the change of pace that occurs with the ongoing patterns of life. And as I watched the leaves flutter in the wind this afternoon, a feeling of contentment brought a smile to my face. In that tiny moment all felt right in the world. 

I'm fully aware of areas I've let slide this past week. There was no clear battle that occurred between mastery and mediocrity, just more of an occasional time out and a bit of give and take. Instead of feeling regret I'm finding more and more often these days how grateful and blessed I feel. Less regrets and less judgement of self.

Totals

Push ups: 1000/7240
Situps: 1000/7240
Hand form: 3/133
Weapon form: 20/120
KM: 34/214
AOK: 39/251
Sparring: 0/33
Blogs: 1/9
Yoga: 30min/5.5 hr
Tai Chi: 5/126
MM:24/166

I am Resilient

 

re·sil·ience -"the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties."

The quality of resiliency is one I've often attached to myself without completely understanding its meaning. Inner strength has often helped me to withstand adversity and power through. Even though I may have pushed through I don't know that it didn't come at the cost of extra emotional baggage. While I may have been great at facing adversity, I don't know how much wiser, stronger or smarter I grew or even if I recognized opportunities for growth. 

When I look back over my years training at Silent River Kung Fu, there is a definite connection between my life on the mats at the Kwoon and my growth as a student and as person. I realize now that without being aware, I was practicing and developing my ability to become more resilient and shedding some of the emotional baggage I had accumulated over the years. The person I am today is able to withstand and adjust to challenges while also seeking ways to understand lessons provided and move forward as a result.

My weapon this year is a great example of challenges and adversity. As I recently worked on my sword form and faced numerous challenges, I was reminded of the power of practicing resiliency and persevering through difficulties. My efforts paid off a few days ago in the form of an unexpected instructional video that enhances what I already have and will help better guide me in my pursuit of learning the Chinese straight sword. It is with ongoing effort and subsequent wins that empower a person to continued efforts and success. 

I am resilient. I am growing forward, becoming wiser, stronger and better able to focus and listen to my inner voice. 

Totals

Push ups: 600/6840
Situps: 600/6840
Hand form:18/130
Weapon form:4/100
KM: 29/180
AOK: 31/212
Sparring: 22/33
Blogs: 1/8
Yoga: 30min/5 hr
Tai Chi: 20/121
MM:30/142

Beta Form - Starting Again

I had discovered a great video to learn the Chinese straight sword form that included a back view and instructional commentary. The back view has been a huge benefit as I struggle with mirroring someone when learning a new form. The problem is the video only goes partway and then stops, requiring a subscription to learn the rest of the form. The remainder of the form is unfortunately no longer available. 

I got ahead of myself, failed to think things through and plan properly. Lesson learned. This has now presented a dilemma as we are already slightly over a month into the new year. Do I combine the section I already know and piece together a few more moves, creating my own form or do I start fresh and learn the Tai Chi Chinese Straight SwordYang style 32 form I had originally wanted to learn?

What helped me to decide was coming to the realization that the Tai Chi Straight Sword form is not mean't to be a one year only form. I knew this when choosing my weapon this year and yet somehow I temporarily veered off course. I was a bit too focused on the destination. This has been a much needed course correction and adjustment of my mindset.

While the decision may have been difficult at first, I quickly choose the more challenging path as I knew it to be the one that would serve me best. Even though I may be starting over, I'm heading in a direction I not only want to go but am meant to go. This particular weapon form is a great example of a journey rather than a destination.

Theodore Roosevelt - Quote - Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…

Totals

Push ups: 1250/6240
Situps: 1250/6240
Hand form:18/130
Weapon form:4/100
KM: 29/180
AOK: 31/212
Sparring: 22/33
Blogs: 1/8
Yoga: 30min/5 hr
Tai Chi: 20/121
MM:30/142

Embracing Excitement

I have been experiencing moments of excitement that bubble up inside me. Not just your normal happiness, but deep down to the core excitement, and it is truly an amazing feeling. The problem is there is a part of me that feels I am required to push down that excitement. It feels great and yet wrong at the same time. I find myself asking, is this excitement justified, is it real or is this just my ego at play? And where does being humble fit into all this?

If I want to be able embrace this feeling of excitement, I need to keep humbleness at the forefront. This will help to remind me I haven't arrived here solely on my own. I can then enjoy the feeling while also practicing gratitude and having an appreciation of everything and everyone that has contributed to this wonderful emotion. 

The previous 2 years on the IHC team I've had a word that was my guiding theme for the year. This was an idea that was inspired by Sihing Cosgrove and has served me well. Smile was the word I chose the first year and then joy was the word for last year. Nothing really called to me this year, nor did I give it much thought until recently. I've now decided to add 'embrace excitement' as my theme this year.

Totals

Push ups: 1100/4990
Situps: 1100/4990
Hand form:24/112
Weapon form:29/96
KM: 25/151
AOK: 30/181
Sparring: 2/11
Blogs: 1/7
Yoga: 30min/4.5 hr
Tai Chi: 19/101
MM:23/112

Why Am I Here?

I am a sponge absorbing lessons coming from numerous directions and grateful to be at a place in my training where I am better equipped to embrace and enjoy learning. When I stopped to think about everything I currently have on the go, I realized I'm currently working on 5 new forms.

Tai Chi classes are ongoing and is a personal goal as well. I’m also learning a new black belt form and the school butterfly knives form. Then there is also my Chinese straight sword form and just this week an opportunity presented itself to learn the 8 brocades of qigong, which I've added into my week.

As all of this is being absorbed, learned and integrated into my life and my kung fu, I am feeling more engaged and present. I can feel excitement building and bubbling to the surface. And it feels good!

I also encountered a few days later in the week where my mood dipped. Wham, just like that I went from feeling great to thinking I had just been fooling myself. There were a couple very stressful days at work that contributed to some mental overload. A perfect example of how quickly things can change and how it can affect my output. And just as quickly things turned back around. I had a conversation with a friend Friday night, read an article in Blackbelt magazine and attended 2nd degree class and open training.  

There are opportunities for engagement, opportunities for awareness, learning, and opportunities for adjustments and the discovery of oneself everywhere. Even during times when I feel efforts are not where they could be I am learning and evolving. This is mostly due to the habit of consistent blogging and reflection. The act of reflection, looking for and understanding the growth and positive aspects during some very stressful times in the past has carried me and propelled me forward. 

All great ongoing examples of why I am here. I am the person I am today because of what Kung Fu has done for me and continues to do for me.

Totals

Push ups: 900/3890
Situps: 900/3890
Hand form:27/88
Weapon form:23/67
KM: 33/126
AOK: 47/151
Sparring: 0/9
Blogs: 1/6
Yoga: 60min/4hr
Tai Chi: 25/82
MM:21/89

Tai Chi

I have been dabbling in Tai Chi for a number of years now. The first few sessions of Tai Chi were challenging. I often felt frustrated and overwhelmed. As an anxious person I would get stressed easily and over think everything which also affects my memory and coordination. Due to this the relaxation and meditative aspect of Tai Chi was almost at times completely lost on me. Looking back it was partially a case of adding too much onto my plate as I also navigated my Kung Fu, the IHC and chronic anxiety. 

Even though Tai Chi was a struggle it was also a huge benefit to the rest of my Kung fu. As the bumps started to smooth out I began to feel some flow within the easier pieces and this started to translate into my forms. After a number of starts and stops for different reasons I have come to a place where I feel the desire to learn and integrate Tai Chi into my life on and off the mats. Tai Chi is one of my personal goals this year and will blend in very nicely with my weapon, the Tai Chi straight sword.

I’m a much different Tai Chi student today than I was in the past. The person I am today is much more relaxed when it comes to learning and navigating new things. I’ve learned to slow down a bit and take things in instead of going to battle and trying to force something that isn’t quite there yet. As a result I’m feeling and noticing more. 

Tai Chi has the ability to change my mood from stressed or uptight to one of relaxation and awareness. In addition to the meditative aspects of Tai Chi I am making important discoveries. I am aware of when my heel starts to lift. I can feel my core engage and the difference it makes. And for the first time I’m beginning to understand and feel movement in my knees and how they relate to my 6 harmonies. With the connection and engagement of the knees I feel more grounded and an ease of movement in transitions. Even though these moments have been brief they are there and I am excited to build on them.

Totals

Push ups: 1130/2990
Situps: 1130/2990
Hand form:18/61
Weapon form:11/44
KM: 31/93
AOK: 42/104
Sparring: 2/9
Blogs: 1/5
Yoga: 60min/3hr
Tai Chi: 17/57
MM:26/68