Stuck!

Journaling has taught me to take the time to reflect, it has improved my awareness and helped with perspective. This is because I make a conscious effort to take the time to examine thoughts and feelings and work problems out if need be.

I have missed posting a blog the past couple of weeks not because I have nothing to say, but rather I can't seem to get my thoughts sorted out. I feel like I'm either fumbling around in a maze right now or stuck in front of a wall that I don't know how to get around or over. I start to think and feel and then wham! My mind just stops and I'm stuck! Stuck, because I have a big, big problem. And in the past I probably would have just stomped it down and walked away. I'm not walking away this time, but I haven't quite figured out how to solve the problem.

This is extremely hard for me and is ridiculously silly, but it is what it is. It is like peeling back the layers of an onion. There are concepts in kung fu that I am struggling with this year. I'm struggling because these concepts are almost polar opposites to how I have lived my life for the past 50 + years. I understand the concepts very well, but they are anything but natural for me. How do I change how I move, react, think and feel? The thing is, I actually understand which makes it even more difficult. and I know my kung fu will improve and my life as well.

The most difficult part of all this has been the realization I need to peel back a huge piece of my onion and rework everything from the core outward to implement any changes. Just thinking about this tears me apart. How does a person change 50 years of being and living?

Namaste,

Michele Ward