The Right Thing To Do

 

What is the right thing to do? I've been asking myself this question more than once through these past months as I navigate a difficult situation.

I have had to step into the role of taking care of my dad as he deals with a challenging living situation and elder abuse from my 2 brothers that have been living with him in his home. Dad assures me there is no physical abuse, but I know there is emotional and financial abuse taking place. 

Now given the situation why would I even question if I am doing the right thing by helping and advocating for my dad? It's because at times I get resistance from dad and lots of kickback from my brothers. As we get closer to a solution that will keep dad safe and support his mental health, my 2 brothers behave more and more like cornered animals. 

Dad thinks he has everything under control and hasn't completely understood that he is in an abusive situation. He doesn't want my brothers living there anymore but he also doesn't want to see them on the streets and worries for their well being. I know he is also concerned about potential violence towards myself as they blame me for stirring things up and they constantly make threats. Dad ends up being stuck in the middle of two opposing forces. 

Up until April of this year dad had been able to drive and could leave his acreage daily when he wanted to get away from the toxic environment he lives in. Due to some health issues and beginning stages of dementia driving is no longer an option for him. We get him out of the house as often as possible, get him to appointments and help him to see and understand some of the options available. After talking to someone at the Elder Abuse hotline and reading some of their brochures I realize that it was time to change my approach somewhat. Because dad is still considered fully independent and able to make his own decisions, he is the one that has to be willing accept what is happening and make use of the resources and help available. And until that happens he needs supportive people around him. Once I realized this I was able to step back and let dad know that I am here for him in a supportive role as a loving daughter. I stopped pushing as much and I also stopped stressing as much over something I had little control over. I continued to be involved and monitor things while being proactive. We looked at housing options and found a great +55 apartment building in town that has many of the same amenities that a seniors lodge would have. A place where dad can for live independently, away from the abuse and engage in daily and weekly social activities within the building. 

I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster ride. Up, down, good, bad, and downright ugly at times. And through it all there have been times when I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Should it be this difficult and still be the right thing to do? And I've wondered if it was time to just throw in the towel. But no, this is my dad. I can't do nothing knowing all that he is dealing with. 

My main priority has been getting dad into a healthy and safe environment where he can thrive and socialize with others in normal surroundings. Plans had been made to start moving some of dad's furniture into his new apartment last Friday. Everything came to a screeching halt when the one brother made a huge scene at dad's house and threatened to kill everyone. Police were called in and we ended up getting no furniture moved. Dad of course was upset and asked to come home with us. He left with just the clothes on his back as he was too rattled to grab anything when the police escorted him into his house. We now have an Emergency Protection Order in place for dad and myself providing some recourse if the order is not adhered to.

It's the ongoing threats and backlash that I get from my brothers constantly that causes me to waiver at times. I start to question myself. Am I pushing too hard? Should I let things be? And then my conscience steps in and helps to guide me in the right direction. With dad having finally admitted that he has been living in an abusive situation we have been able to take some more concrete steps to keeping him safe. The road ahead is still going to have its challenges, but I just have to continue to let my conscience guide me and know that I am doing the right thing. 

I am thankful to the rest of my family that provide support and assistance and I am thankful that I have a solid healthy eating plan to keep me on track. Without that meal plan I would have gone off the rails for sure when it comes to food. Dietary self defense helps to support mental and physical health and manage stress which is much needed at the moment. Kung Fu is my anchor and conscience is my guide.