Grading Day and Beyond

When it comes to my Kung fu training I have to be somewhat cautious due to chronic knee problems and age related issues that crop up from time to time. I can't do all the form reps and kicks that I feel I should or want to be doing. So yoga is helping me bridge the gap I am feeling in my training. It is much gentler on my joints while providing tools to help ground, strengthen, stretch and build stamina. The key is balance. It's not one or the other, everything works together, adding or reducing as needed.

I am finding numerous moments throughout my yoga practice that cause me to smile as I'm reminded of Kung Fu and how the two connect.  I could elaborate much more but here are some key elements:

Each time I focus and practice different breathing techniques - this is important as I have trouble with breath work. I am typically a shallow breather of just forget to breath when anxiety takes over.

With each flow into downward dog I am grateful for the hidden pushup

Core exercises - good variety, easier on joints and muscle groups than a standard sit up

In Mountain pose I feel the most grounded with the earth and have a deeper sense of being present

Active feet helps improve muscle control among others - great for proper foot position in our kicks

Meditation - calmness, mindfulness practice

Stability, stamina, strengthening and stretching

Balance and control

Developing greater chi awareness

I am a beginner yoga practitioner at this stage and yet have already found so many benefits to continue exploring. 

As I get closer to grading day I am finding it harder to control the thoughts swirling around in my brain. Have I done enough? Am I focusing on the right things? What still needs to be done? At random times throughout the day stuff just pops in unannounced. Fitness test, forms, 5 applications, knowledge, board breaking, personal demo, etc. And then I stop and take a few breaths and bring myself back to the present moment.

Yes I am preparing for grading day. I've come to realize though it's not just about grading day. It is about the rest of my life, and the new paths my Kung Fu will take me on. I need to have a daily routine that is sustainable on an ongoing basis, one that consists of checks and balances, has room for improvement, is flexible and includes a component of fun and inspiration. I haven't got to that complete state of being yet, but I am making progress and well on my way. 

So in reality I'm not solely focused on grading day. There are many moments of mindfulness, being in the present moment, growth and best of all I'm also looking beyond and setting myself up for success no matter what the outcome is. 

Outside my Box, Living Life!

There are too many people whose tendency is to check out of life once work is done. Deciding what show to binge watch next is their primary goal on a regular basis. In all fairness many of these people are hard workers, are committed and caring individuals, just living their lives in a box, on autopilot. I used to be that person, taking occasional steps outside the box to explore, discover and be a better version of myself. Then back into my box of comfort and security. 

Prior to Kung Fu and the IHC I rarely though about mastery. Now thoughts of mastery have been woven into the fabric of my life. I am on a path towards mastery and am slowly and steadily reducing the mediocrity in my life one step at a time. I struggle more often than I'd like, but I also know I've made huge leaps forward. There are still times when I choose the path of least resistance. Procrastination, laziness, poor dietary choices or just being in denial are all ongoing internal battles for me. 

The beauty of this journey is I am trying. I am pushing my limits and expanding my boundaries. The struggles I encounter are just as wonderful as the accomplishments and successes. Sometimes even more so. I am grateful for the successes. I am grateful for the struggles and the ability to reflect and learn. All of this together helps me to live my life more fully, with confidence and joy.

The box I once existed in has expanded. And where lines used to exist there are now dots, squiggles and open spaces. I am redefining the shape of my life and making huge leaps forward.

I am living life.

Cumulative Growth

The hip arriving a bit too early or a bit too late does make a difference. I know this to be true and yet have trouble at times identifying myself when this is happening.

Thursday nights IHC class we worked on the section in DMH at the end of 1 moving into 2. We were working on power and intent. The focus was mostly on the knife hand and long punch, stopping after the open roundhouse. 

As I went through a few reps of that sequence I could feel there was power behind the knife hand and punch. And yet it took Sifu Rybak to point out the timing of my hip was off in relation to the knife hand. Hmm....interesting. I feel good doing that sequence but if the timing of my hip is off then my harmonies are not aligned and there is potential for increased power with less energy output. Ahh, room for improvement. This is great feedback, so I took the next few minutes to be more aware of my hip and improve my timing. 

Shortly after there was some instruction on correct arm/hand motion as we unwind from the open x and transition into the knife hand sequence. I temporarily set aside thoughts of the hip to work on the hands coming out of the open x. Making adjustments to how my hands/arms moved helped to naturally facilitate an improvement in the timing of my hip. Perfect how one led into the other. The alignment of the six harmonies before I initiate the knife hand (I believe) translates to more control and a greater ability for alternative options if needed.

The sequence that was feeling pretty good at the beginning of class now feels even better. And I know that if I hadn't been working on this sequence throughout the year I wouldn't be where I am now. It is time, struggles and the effort spent that have helped to get me to where I am in this moment. In the past I would have patted myself on the back and waited for the next problem to arrive and then attack. Now I view troublesome areas and feedback with more of an open mind and heart. They can still be aggravating at times, but I'm calmer and more relaxed in my approach. 

The amount of detail and opportunities for continued learning in this sequence continues to amaze me. Just when I think I've got it I am shown another dot/detail to connect and improve on. There is always room to grow!

Training Takes Over

In addition to anxiety I sometimes deal with depression. The depression can creep up on me gradually or seemingly very suddenly. Monday seemed to be going smoothy until the end of my work day. There were no issues at work, I had done some yoga in the morning and followed my nutrition plan so I'm not too sure what exactly happened. By the time I arrived home I was feeling overly hungry, emotional and just wanted to crawl into bed.

I figured I'd eat, rest and then go to my class. By the time I arrived at the Kwoon I had decided to participate at the back of the class as my mental state was not improving and I could feel myself getting progressively worse. Instead I was able to sit down and chat with Sifu Rybak and felt much improved afterwards. 

By the time I finished in the office the class had started sparring. One might think this may not have been the best thing for me to take part in given how I was feeling, but it turned out to be a good experience. I was able to concentrate, focus on each partner and stay in control. There was a very brief moment of panic as our rotation put me in front of Todai Raw and Todai Carreau, but I quickly shook it off and gathered courage. Afterwards, I was amazed at how well I handled everything, especially given my mental state.

Little Free Library

I am working on a project to set up a little library inside the Kwoon. The idea is to have a collection of books on loan or provided through donation that will be shared with the school. They will be able to be checked out for a period of time and then returned for others to enjoy. 

Please dust off a book or two and bring to the Kwoon so we can get this project going. Acceptable books include personal growth, inspirational, meditation, martial arts or anything that aligns with our values and teachings at SRKF.

Back to Basics and Moving Forward

My blogs earlier in the year provide a lot of insight into my frame of mind and my plan for moving forward. There was no deadline, just a journey. I was focused on taking care of myself and progressing wisely. 

Everything was going as intended. Focusing on self care helped me with my anxiety and dealing with all the stressors in my life. I was developing a great solid base to operate from. And this allowed me to gradually increase my numbers and increase my training. Everything was working great.  

I had even composed a set of affirmations earlier in the year.

I will stay the course and focus on what is in front of me. I will re-evaluate and start each day anew as I steadily and intentionally move forward. I will not give up! I embrace feedback and help along the way. I am open to possibilities and enjoy the journey! I choose joy as I travel the path intended for me.

Somewhere along the way I started to deviate from the path in front of me. The yoga practice that helps to ground me and my mindfulness training throughout the day started to take a back seat to mental chatter and what I thought was much needed training and growth. 

I tried to keep the thought of destination and deadlines out of the equation. There are however things that need to be completed by a specific date. I think those darn 5 applications derailed me more than I ever could have imagined or planned for. I have struggled greatly with them, to the point that I get emotional just thinking and writing this. It has been a slow process, but I have been able to break through the initial barrier and I am learning as I continue to push myself. 

The 5 applications are one of my weaknesses and a weakness is an opportunity for growth and self discovery. I know the applications will add a vast amount of value to my Kung Fu and my life. I feel the world of martial arts opening up around me in a slightly different way. I am feeling a deeper connection.

My trajectory may be all over the place lately, and yet I can still see and understand the lessons I am being provided with as I struggle to overcome obstacles in my way. And many of the obstacles are me. My struggles currently are mostly internal. There is ego, an ingrained pattern of thinking and behavior and mental illness to work around. Struggling is something most of us want to avoid and yet there is so much value as we overcome and learn from our struggles. These current struggles are helping to remind me of the need for balance and are pushing me to break through old patterns of behavior. 

Having these realizations makes me smile. The much younger version of me would have avoided struggle and pushed aside weakness. I've come a long way and I owe it to Kung Fu and the IHC program. That being said growth would have been even much slower without the reflection that comes with journaling and blogging. 

To sum it all up, I'm regrouping and going back to making myself a priority. I'm not going backwards though. I will use what I know works to continue moving forward. I'll keep my affirmations in front of me, and utilize the tools within the IHC requirements to continue on my journey.

Struggling

I am struggling.

I am feeling somewhat disconnected and experiencing a loss of focus lately. 

Earlier in the week I realized that part of the problem is I am feeling alone in my training and trying to do too much on my own. Some of this is due to circumstances beyond my control and some is because I'm not taking full advantage of the resources available. I feel like I'm "training in a silo" in more ways than one.

As the week finished I still felt there was something else I was missing. After some brief meditation, the word grounded came to mind. Hmm, that makes sense. Balance has been affected, flow comes and goes, connection to the ground and purpose has been affected and ego has sneakily run amok. As a result I have been easily distracted.

What's missing?

1. My yoga practice has decreased significantly in the past month. Yoga provides me with numerous benefits and one of those benefits is being and feeling more grounded, emotionally and spiritually. 

2. Taking full advantage of the one on one's with my instructors.

3. Connecting with the other 2nd degree brown belts and fellow students.

The good news is I've identified some key issues and can see a solution and formulate a plan.