Struggling???

This has been a very interesting year so far. With a big change in priorities and focus, very little is going according to plan. I could feel frustrated and yet I’ve found myself catching glimpses of beauty all around, feeling joy and fully embracing those moments. And the power of those moments often lingers long after the moment has passed. 

As a result of feeling these profound moments of peace and joy, I find that I struggle with identifying myself as struggling. I’m not opposed to struggling because I do know how beneficial and motivating working through struggles can be. 

When I think about phrases like ups and downs, good or not so good or even simply struggling I get a bit stuck. Even if I’m not feeling totally up or good I just can’t seem to attach down, not good or struggling to myself. There just doesn't seem to be the right word or phrase in the english language to accurately describe how I am feeling and what I am experiencing in that moment.

How much of this is a case of a rose-coloured glasses syndrome? Am I living in denial? Hmm..., I'm not completely sure. I do know there is still a measure of awareness and desire to find ways to do and be more, so that is positive. And I am currently actively working on striking a healthy balance that makes sense to who and where I am in this moment. So am l struggling? Maybe I am right where I need to be at this point in my life. 

Stepping Stones

After the previous weeks success I had planned to continue my day to day log of positive choices and actions. Doing this last week helped to measure and motivate me, so it made sense to continue what was working. Monday threw me off as I was still in Calgary and travelling back home later that day. Tuesday came along and I fully intended to get started and then before I knew it the week flew by with no tracking done.

I started to wonder if it was a discipline issue which led me to dig a bit deeper. The realization I came to is not all tools are necessarily meant to be long term. Sometimes they are more of a stepping stone or bridge to help give me clarity and move me forward. Each stepping stone or bridge serves it purpose in the moment. I can let it go, log it as a successful tool and continue onward.

Continuing to utilize my core set of tools helps me to navigate a path towards mastery as I strive to be the best version of myself. And as I change and evolve on a daily basis I can also adjust how and when I use those tools, while allowing for the supplemental tools I call stepping stones to come and go.

Day by day

Having a simple day by day account of positive choices made has helped me this week to measure where I'm at and what I’m doing. As I recorded my day I also found it helped me to stay the course for that day and the following days to come.

I’m thinking I’ll continue this exercise for the next few weeks to help guide me in the direction I want to be going.

Monday

Started with apple cider drink, Good food choices, leg exercises and stretching, helped dad with his computer. No evening snacking.

Tuesday 

Started with lemon water, Tai Chi in the dog park, 1 Mlong Kuen, dog park walk, healthy food choices, lots of Mlong Kuen in black belt class, no evening snacking.

Wednesday 

Apple cider drink, did not get good sleep, but still managed to do a dog park walk, healthy food choices, Tai Chi class via zoom, no evening snacking

Thursday 

Lemon water, healthy food choices, watched IHC-class on detail in forms and working with partners. Great class to be at and got to interact with some of the team, no evening snacking.

Friday

Apple cider vinegar drink, leg/knee exercises, healthy food choices, 20 pushups. A short visit and wellness check on dad. Evening indulgent snacking.

Saturday & Sunday 

Off to Calgary for the weekend to celebrate best friend’s 40th anniversary. 

Getting Back on Track

Getting back on track! 

What does this mean for me? To be honest, I don't fully know what this will look like. I do know restarting and getting back on track will require self discipline and action on my part. It's about consistently choosing actions that align with my values and objectives, rather than being driven by my wants and desires.

It's time to step beyond the moments of joy and peacefulness and challenge myself to be and do more. Time to take more ownership of my physical wellbeing in addition to my emotional health. Even with the constant challenges and stress this year, I know there is room for me to do and be more. Potential and possibilities are always in abundance and I've been allowing some of them to pass my by.

Getting back on track may mean making some uncomfortable or difficult choices at times. It may also be as simple as determining a yes or no and then following through. I routinely make good choices, what is lacking is consistency over the long term. Time to change this!