We are now 4 weeks into the Sanda seminar and it's definitely been beneficial for me and interesting as well. In class #2 I committed to being being taken down which went well. Then during class 3 I again agreed to be taken down, but didn't have a good break fall. Not sure exactly what happened. I do know that some of the impact was the back my head. The head didn't hurt, but the muscles in my neck were not happy with me for the next 3 days or so. I could have stopped after that bad break fall, but I pushed myself and asked Sifu Rybak to take me down. We did 1, then another and then I asked for 1 more. I didn't want to finish class 3 with that 1 negative experience.
I'm finding it very obvious my spirit is not in alignment with the intent needed for this type of activity. I have felt this before, but had put it out of my mind. I find myself hesitant to commit and get in there to do what is being asked of me and my brain would rather be operating at a speed of about 25 -50%. Some of this I know will improve with repetition, but I'm not sure to what degree my spirit will adjust. It is interesting because my spirit to intent are more in alignment doing defensive type activities like choke defense, wrist escapes, and such. I think this is because they feel more relatable to a potential real life situation and over the years they have become more familiar through repetition. Sifu Rybak has helped me to think about approaching these activities from more of fact finding and learning frame of mind. Think body mechanics, reaction etc.
Week 3 was very challenging. This was in part due to having sparred in our Kao Shi class right before Sanda class. Other than some sparring drills this was the 1st time sparring for me this year and it did feel relatively good. And when I factor in the sparring along with a bad break fall, and just feeling a bit out of my depth and out of sync to some degree, I really did not feel great afterwards. The after effects felt very similar to increased anxiety, but different. There was a bit of mental and emotional depletion that messed with me. Lots of where am I, what am I doing and self doubt swirling around in my brain. I really had to fight the urge to go down a dark rabbit hole. It wasn't until I had a chat with Sifu Rybak and she identified what I was experiencing as most likely the effects of adrenalin, that I was able to make some sense of it all. I have experienced this in smaller doses before, but hadn't connected the dots.
For the most part, I’m enjoying the class and stretching my comfort zone a bit, which is always good and discovering more about myself.
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