I Am a Student

I am a student of life

I am a student of Kung Fu       

I am a student of change & adaptation

I am a student of ....

The complete I am list is a great example of all the ways it means to be a student of life. Every word or phrase on the list helps me to reflect on where I am at currently and embodies potential areas for personal growth now and into the future.

Lately, I've been finding it difficult to navigate and understand where I am at, making it challenging to reflect and formulate coherent and concise thoughts or realizations. I did however have a realization recently that when it comes to my job situation I am getting in own way, causing my to be stuck and finding it difficult to move forward. This realization has also helped to remind me of how much I still have to discover and learn about life. I am and always will be a student. I am listening to that very intuitive little voice inside my head more and more. There is much wisdom there.

I am learning to bend and flow with ease. I am learning the art of letting go. I am learning to implement healthy eating habits consistently. I am learning to be gentle with myself and I am also developing increased awareness of when and how far to push myself. I am learning to recognize obstacles and barriers that are self created so that I can make adjustments and continue to move forward.

I am building awareness and creating positive habits. The process often takes much longer than I'd like though. On a daily basis progression can appear to move at a snails pace and yet when I look at a larger chunk of time like a year for example, there can be a huge amount of forward momentum. 

Kung Fu and being an active member of the IHC team has taught me how to be a lifelong student. I have developed awareness and an increased sense of self. Never before have I had such a thirst for knowledge and direction in my life. Through this process I have been able to create positive habits with more and more consistency and add them into my daily routine. Success and progress often come in the smaller components that we are able to implement with consistency.

The more I learn, the more I realize the vastness of learning still to come. I am a student of life, for life!

Room For Improvement

 

My numbers for April took a bit of a dive. As motivation decreased and mediocrity increased, I found myself challenged to not only put in the time and effort but also remember to record what I was getting done. And recording the acts of kindness were the most difficult to remember. 

I know that I need to stay on top of my tracking system even when my numbers are not where I want them to be. The act of tracking my progress is a tool itself to help create awareness of where I am at and it keeps me from sliding even further downward. Not tracking leads to not doing. Taking a look at my numbers for each day throughout the month of April and the year to date has helped to inspire me to push myself as I work towards getting back on track.

Numbers February 1 - April 30

PU - 14000                  Sparring - 314         Spending Challenge - on track

SU - 14190                  KM - 250                Book - progressing slowly

Hand Form - 338        AOK - 329

Weapon - 350            Yoga - 9 Hrs

Mediocrity

The urge to settle for the more comfortable option, aka mediocrity, has been pulling me down this past month. I am dealing with an enormous amount of stress right now due to an evolving situation with my dad's health and his living situation. Woven into all this is a very difficult family dynamic involving my 2 brothers. The whole situation unfortunately will most likely get worse before it is resolved. Extra time, effort and energy are all needed almost continuously. This evolving situation is causing me to be reactive at times while also looking for ways to be more proactive to help avoid potential future issues. 

I have reminded myself that I will never be given more than I can handle.  One day at a time, one moment at a time. Breathe, plan, adjust and ask for help. 

I have visited mediocrity many times over the years. The comfortable option pulls even more when overall health is not being taken care of as stress increases. As stress builds and affects my mental health, my capacity for continuing the climb upward diminishes and motivation falters causing a ripple effect in other aspects of my daily routines. Mediocrity slowly starts to wheedle its way in. I am tired, both mentally and physically. It's like a dreary day drawing me inward. And as things compound my emotional state suffers and I find myself wanting to hide in my bubble. 

I am noticing that pull towards mediocrity quicker now. Instead of making that downward slide and landing completely off the path, I am finding those all important tools that I have accumulated over my years of Kung Fu training are helping more and more. Important daily routines and consistency have been building and my base is becoming more solid and getting stronger. This is something that I need to remind myself of daily. Gratitude for all that I am, all that I have and all that I am becoming. A reminder of my successes so that I am not pulled down even further by what I am not getting done.

When I am actively pursuing mastery, everything falls into place and supports my journey towards mastery. I make healthier eating choices, I am more engaged and active. And as a result I feel that I can do almost anything. I am pumped! I see the possibilities and the potential. Mediocrity is not a place I want to be and yet it can still provide valuable lessons and insights.  

Time to regroup and address some poor eating habits and build on some existing good dietary habits. Starting May 2nd I will be starting a 21 day detox program. The goal is to detox, learn which foods work best for my body and which don't, develop meal prep strategies and make healthy eating the norm. In addition I will practise filling myself up with gratitude each day and seek support from friends, family and other supportive agencies. One step at a time. This is something I will need to keep reminding myself of daily.

Don't Quit!

This is very relevant to my life currently and I am reminding myself how fortunate I am to have Kung Fu in my life. The many steps taken forward are not lost. I have the tools, the strength and resilience to succeed. All that is needed is to not quit!

 

I am forgiving

Age, experience and wisdom has helped to increase my ability to practise forgiveness. Forgiveness towards myself and others. I've come to realize and understand how negative energy and emotion gets tangled up into an ugly knot when we withhold forgiveness. The act of forgiveness can be quite simple if we let go of negativity and replace those emotions with gratitude and love. 

Letting go can be one of the most difficult tasks to undertake in our lives. And often even when we think we have been successful it lies beneath the surface creating discord or havoc when least expected. This is because we haven't replaced the negative emotions with positive ones. If I were to take a glass and fill it up with love, light and gratitude, there would be no space for anything negative or less than. Just like the glass our bodies and spirits can also be filled with love, light and gratitude. Practising forgiveness helps to fill us up with positive energy, manifesting all that we need, which then spills out into our relationships and the universe.

The Hawaiian Ho'oponopono Prayer is a beautiful, and simple tool to cleanse, purify and release negative energies while filling up your spirit and the vessel of your body with love, light and gratitude. It is that love, light and gratitude that strengthens our connections and unites us all.

I first came across the Ho'oponopono Prayer about 8 years ago and dabbled with it a bit here and there. I didn't fully understand the power of the prayer until I used it as a tool to help me with a very difficult employee. The employee and I had started our working relationship on a friendly note and ended the relationship on a very negative note. 

Instead of focusing on the negative and hostile behavior, the healing prayer helped me to turn the focus inward, asking for her forgiveness. I used intention, applying the prayer/mantra to our relationship. I owned my negative energy around the situation, saying I was sorry, asking for forgiveness and being thankful for the lesson/opportunity.  Finishing with love. Love towards myself and towards her. Forgiving myself helped me to also forgive her and replaced the negative energy with positive energy. I was able to let go and move forward. 

I was somewhat apprehensive when I came across her in a store months later. We both could have avoided each other and yet we approach and interacted like old friends. She seemed happy to see me and we had a very pleasant conversation which ended with her hugging me. The negative energy and feelings had disappeared. I was blown away by the change. The weight lifted was amazing! I am forever a believer in the power of forgiveness!

The original Ho’oponopono prayer is this:

Divine Creator, Father, Mother, Child as one…

If I, my family, relatives, and ancestors have offended you, your family, relatives, and ancestors in thoughts, words, deeds, and actions from the beginning of our creation to the present, we ask your forgiveness.

Let this cleanse, purify, release, cut all the negative memories, blocks, energies, and vibrations and transmute these unwanted energies into pure light ……….

As it is said, it is done, and so it is.

-The practice of Ho’oponopono helps you understand and heal the experiences in your life that you’ve “attracted” or participated in, or have been affected by.

The prayer has since been simplified into a mantra so that you can use it anytime to heal or cleanse yourself. I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. So simple and yet so powerful!

I'm sorry - (I am responsible for everything in my mind, my thoughts, my beliefs, my actions)

Please forgive me - (ask forgiveness for yourself, others and the universe, replacing negative emotions with positive) Note: poor behavior is not excused, it is recognized and the burden of blame is released

Thank you - (expresses gratitude and appreciation for the abundance in life and lessons learned)

I love you - (loving and accepting yourself, loving others and the universe)

I Am a Work in Progress.

Training has been so so lately. I know it is normal to have some peaks and valleys. The idea though is to be aware and recognize a plateau or a slippery slope downward so that adjustments and course corrections can be made sooner than later. I am currently navigating one of those slippery slopes.

A large portion of my mental and emotional energy had been focused on my dogs health, physical condition and comfort. I was still training and keeping up with everything so there were no red flags at the time. And then I started to see bit of a pattern of lower numbers as I logged each day. Things not getting completed. I know from past experience that awareness often happens after the fact. After momentum has already started its downward trajectory. 

This past week our dog passed, and I allowed myself permission to ease off a bit on the push ups and sit ups. My numbers are well above where they need to be and so I felt comfortable with not completing as much on some days. My knees ache every day and the pain and discomfort increases the more I use them. I found myself needing more down time. Yes, I have valid reasons and yet they can also become excuses if I let them. 

In addition to faltering on some of my numbers, I even considered not blogging again this week. I really wasn’t even sure what I wanted to blog about. I’ve been having a difficult time sorting out my thoughts about where I am right now. Understandable given my current mental state. Reading and hearing from other team members about their struggles has help push me to reflect and write this blog as I am also struggling. I know how important it is to have a record of where I am, what I’m doing and be honest with myself.

Even though my trajectory has been off, I have anchors/tools that helped to keep me from falling off the completely. I have 4 primary anchors that I find helpful. An anchor can be something that weighs you down, dragging along where ever you go. Or an anchor can be a tool that helps to keep you on course, allowing you to complete actions and make discoveries. An anchor from a positive perspective can provide a sense of accomplishment leading towards future success. 

My anchors are blogging, reciting mastery every morning and doing push ups and sit ups. The beauty of having more than one anchor to help support my journey is I have backups when one or more isn’t working. I also have experience and awareness on my side to help me recognize when I am in need of a course correction or even help from others. 

I'm trying to find that balance of taking care of myself emotionally and physically while still moving forward. 

I am a work in progress.

I Am Blessed!

I am blessed!!

I view this as more than just gratitude. Feeling blessed takes gratitude to the next level. It is a higher level of appreciation and understanding, and a way of being. A deep experiencing of life and the ability to own and love where I am at or at least be content with where I am at. Even when I feel like I am continuously swimming with no land or finish line in sight, I feel blessed because I have the ability to see all the gifts that surround me.

The 'I am project' has fostered an increased sense of personal awareness and the development of a more positive outlook. I'd be lying if I said all has changed and life is perfect. I still struggle. My mind still tries to lead me to some negative places at times. Overall though, I am feeling calmer and less concerned with what may or may not happen in the future. I feel more grounded. There is more positive awareness and less push and pull happening. 

When I stop to consider the topics I've chosen so far this year, it is not surprising that I am currently in this more grounded mental and emotional space. Simply reflecting and writing about each of these topics has nourished seeds that were already planted within me and just needing some attention.  

Just a few short days ago, I had to make the very difficult decision to help our dog, Radix pass on. Radix joined our family during a very difficult time in my life and has been by my side for almost 14 years. His quality of life had diminished greatly in the past couple of months and had been on pain medication with very little effect. Each day was getting more and more difficult for him. I am heartbroken and at the same time feel blessed to have had him by my side for all those years. 

Your Canine Guardian Angel

By Kelly Roper

I know that you must miss me,
By the tears rolling down your face.
But believe me when I tell you that,
I'm in a very good place.

There are meadows here to run in,
And plenty of rabbits to chase.
There are other dogs to play with,
To frolic with and race.

So please don't worry about me,
My spirit feels light as can be.
There's no more pain to plague me,
I'm young again and free.

And I'll be watching over you still,
of that you can be sure.
I'm your canine guardian angel,
And my love for you remains pure.