Struggling???

This has been a very interesting year so far. With a big change in priorities and focus, very little is going according to plan. I could feel frustrated and yet I’ve found myself catching glimpses of beauty all around, feeling joy and fully embracing those moments. And the power of those moments often lingers long after the moment has passed. 

As a result of feeling these profound moments of peace and joy, I find that I struggle with identifying myself as struggling. I’m not opposed to struggling because I do know how beneficial and motivating working through struggles can be. 

When I think about phrases like ups and downs, good or not so good or even simply struggling I get a bit stuck. Even if I’m not feeling totally up or good I just can’t seem to attach down, not good or struggling to myself. There just doesn't seem to be the right word or phrase in the english language to accurately describe how I am feeling and what I am experiencing in that moment.

How much of this is a case of a rose-coloured glasses syndrome? Am I living in denial? Hmm..., I'm not completely sure. I do know there is still a measure of awareness and desire to find ways to do and be more, so that is positive. And I am currently actively working on striking a healthy balance that makes sense to who and where I am in this moment. So am l struggling? Maybe I am right where I need to be at this point in my life. 

Stepping Stones

After the previous weeks success I had planned to continue my day to day log of positive choices and actions. Doing this last week helped to measure and motivate me, so it made sense to continue what was working. Monday threw me off as I was still in Calgary and travelling back home later that day. Tuesday came along and I fully intended to get started and then before I knew it the week flew by with no tracking done.

I started to wonder if it was a discipline issue which led me to dig a bit deeper. The realization I came to is not all tools are necessarily meant to be long term. Sometimes they are more of a stepping stone or bridge to help give me clarity and move me forward. Each stepping stone or bridge serves it purpose in the moment. I can let it go, log it as a successful tool and continue onward.

Continuing to utilize my core set of tools helps me to navigate a path towards mastery as I strive to be the best version of myself. And as I change and evolve on a daily basis I can also adjust how and when I use those tools, while allowing for the supplemental tools I call stepping stones to come and go.

Day by day

Having a simple day by day account of positive choices made has helped me this week to measure where I'm at and what I’m doing. As I recorded my day I also found it helped me to stay the course for that day and the following days to come.

I’m thinking I’ll continue this exercise for the next few weeks to help guide me in the direction I want to be going.

Monday

Started with apple cider drink, Good food choices, leg exercises and stretching, helped dad with his computer. No evening snacking.

Tuesday 

Started with lemon water, Tai Chi in the dog park, 1 Mlong Kuen, dog park walk, healthy food choices, lots of Mlong Kuen in black belt class, no evening snacking.

Wednesday 

Apple cider drink, did not get good sleep, but still managed to do a dog park walk, healthy food choices, Tai Chi class via zoom, no evening snacking

Thursday 

Lemon water, healthy food choices, watched IHC-class on detail in forms and working with partners. Great class to be at and got to interact with some of the team, no evening snacking.

Friday

Apple cider vinegar drink, leg/knee exercises, healthy food choices, 20 pushups. A short visit and wellness check on dad. Evening indulgent snacking.

Saturday & Sunday 

Off to Calgary for the weekend to celebrate best friend’s 40th anniversary. 

Getting Back on Track

Getting back on track! 

What does this mean for me? To be honest, I don't fully know what this will look like. I do know restarting and getting back on track will require self discipline and action on my part. It's about consistently choosing actions that align with my values and objectives, rather than being driven by my wants and desires.

It's time to step beyond the moments of joy and peacefulness and challenge myself to be and do more. Time to take more ownership of my physical wellbeing in addition to my emotional health. Even with the constant challenges and stress this year, I know there is room for me to do and be more. Potential and possibilities are always in abundance and I've been allowing some of them to pass my by.

Getting back on track may mean making some uncomfortable or difficult choices at times. It may also be as simple as determining a yes or no and then following through. I routinely make good choices, what is lacking is consistency over the long term. Time to change this!

Tai Chi Heel Kick

The heel kick vs the toe kick in Tai Chi has been causing me some problems. At first I thought it was both kicks. When I addressed this with Sifu Dennis I quickly felt the difference going from one to the next. The toe kick actually feels pretty good. It turns out the heel kick and hands/arms are the concern.

Part of the issue lies in understanding the mechanics and technique required for the heel kick and how to achieve a natural expansion from a mostly stationary position. The mechanics of both kicks are very similar and yet different. I find though with the heel kick, expansion is harder to achieve and my hands are trying to compensate throwing off timing and flow.

I believe I’m also focusing overly much on the end result when it comes to my hands, which leads me to question the process of my intent leading up to the final hand position. Definitely something to continue exploring in all my forms.

Sifu Dennis had me remove the kick and focus on just my upper body. As I did that I immediately became aware of my elbows. It turns out they were a missing part of the equation. And guess what? Awareness and more focus on the elbows allowed the hands to naturally move into place.

I'm excited to be reacquainted with my elbows, now I need to figure out the heel kick.

Full circle

When I think about coming full circle I appreciate the paths taken and distance travelled. I also appreciate where I am today as a result and I am thankful for the lessons that continue to shape my journey.

It could feel as if one is starting over again with never ending lessons looming overhead, in an ongoing pursuit of mastery. And I could ask myself, "At what point does it all get easier and why am I not able to stay on track?"  Fortunately I don't get stuck in those negative thoughts. 

Now, when I think about coming full circle, I feel gratitude, the abundance of life and am able to celebrate all that I am and all that I have. This awareness and positivity helps me to recognize and embrace my ever expanding box of tools. It is these tools that will help me navigate and continue on this ever changing circle of life. 

As I continue to move forward, experience success along the way and all too often struggle, I am reminded of some key lessons learned and valuable tools picked up over the years. This is a valuable reminder to myself to brush off and polish up some of the tools that can get rusty or forgotten.

Key lessons and Valuable Tools

No regrets - Say yes to opportunity and live life to the fullest of my ability in a given moment. I have had to push myself many times to take part rather than simply observe. Being a part of the IHC team over the course of numerous years has given me many opportunities to expand my bubble. As a result I've done more and accomplished more than I thought possible. Even though I still struggle with this, it is at the forefront of my mind and gives me the power to help better shape my life.

Self Expectations - Expectations need to flexible so ego doesn't take over and become a barrier to growth. "I had created an idea in my mind of what I wanted for personal growth, and was let down by the results. Not blaming the program, but instead blaming myself. This was a barrier I created in my own mind. When I quit looking at what I wanted out of the program, I was able to actually see what I had received. The barrier was removed." This is one of the most significant discoveries learned at the end of my first year on the IHC team.Voicing this dissatisfaction led to a conversation and some deeper self reflection expanding my perspective and opening my eyes. This is also where I first understood the power of self reflection and blogging.

30 seconds or less - Just imagine what a person can get done in as little as 30 seconds. While it can be mentally challenging to block off larger chunks of time, we all have numerous 30 second moments throughout our day. This is a concept that has helped to motivate me, increase my awareness so I can recognize these valuable moments and provides satisfaction. It started with a few pushups and sit ups and evolved into pretty much anything. I can pack a healthy snack, wipe a counter or a quick tidy, practice gratitude or do some mindful breathing. "I am taking advantage of those often overlooked and under used moments in time and making them count for something."

1/12 of a Teaspoon - "Did you know that the life of a worker bee is 6 to 20 weeks depending on the time of year? Most of that time is spent gathering nectar. And in their lifetime they will only make 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey. All their work is done for the colony, helping future generations and not the individual bee" When I'm having difficulty recognizing my contributions and the efforts I perceive myself to be making, I think of the worker bee. As I move through my day everything I do matters. My efforts and contributions to myself and the world around me matter. I could produce 1/12 of a teaspoon in a minute, an hour, a day or a month. What's important is not discounting the size or quantity or my efforts. What matters is consistent effort in some form or another.

Frantic or Calm - How do I train or do anything in life? The beauty in this for me was taking the time to compare the opposite of frantic and calm. While I didn't consider my training to be frantic, it also was not what I would describe as calm. 

Frantic definition - hurried, chaotic, disorganized, time crunch, fixated
Frantic Antonym - calm, composed, relaxed, balanced, grounded, moderate, peaceful

Keeping this in front of me helps to ground me and embrace my journey.

Thank You Ego... - Thank you ego, move aside, I've got this! This a very powerful mantra for me. It helps me to manage my anxiety, it keeps my strengths in check and addresses my weaknesses without invalidating myself. More and more I am recognizing my ego in motion

Coming full circle is part of pursing mastery if done with awareness and reflection. And when I think about effortless effort, I realize mediocrity only sets in at that point when there is a lack of awareness and the desire or motivation to pursue more. With awareness and the pursuit of more, effortless effort can lead to mastery.

Self reflection, awareness and the multiple tools accumulated will continue to help me as I navigate this next cycle of life. While my year has not turned out at all like I had planned, there is so much I am learning and grateful for. 

My starting point has moved a great deal from when I first joined the IHC all those years ago! 

I feel Content

 I feel joy, I feel gratitude, I feel blessed and then there are times when I feel moments of stress, frustration and mediocrity. 

I'm experiencing more and more awareness of self, individual uniqueness and the world around me. Things are coming full circle, in a natural evolution of my humaneness. 

More to come on this….