I am Compassionate

Our intelligent curriculum at SRKF teaches both empathy and compassion and their importance in and out of the Kwoon. I find that empathy and compassion often become meshed together as they both have very similar qualities and yet they are different. 

Empathy is the ability to feel for others, builds awareness, understanding and strengthens our human connections. When we empathize with others we have the ability to see things from other people's perspective. This gives us a broader more open outlook and the ability to understand a persons actions, and emotions. 

Compassion has many of the same qualities and is usually a response to empathy. Compassion creates a desire to help while also being able to separate ourselves from the emotion of a situation. Being able to set aside the emotion helps us to respond appropriately versus just reacting. Having the ability to remove or set aside emotion is important when it comes to managing an appropriate response and guides us. It is that appropriate response that is going to best help a person or situation.  

My current situation with my brothers has created an opportunity for me to practice both empathy and a develop a better understanding of compassion. At first I had no desire to put in any time or effort towards helping individuals that are creating harmful situations for myself and my dad. As things escalated and decisions were being made I had a moment when I knew compassion was needed. I would help them in some way. That is because I am compassionate. Being compassionate helped me to set aside some of my feelings of frustration and anger long enough to ask myself some difficult questions. Questions like should I help them? How can I help them? And why?

Why? Because in addition to having a family connection my brothers are fellow human beings. My dad would also be affected by what happens to both of them. And I would be at odds with myself if I didn't at least try to help in some way. I have empathy which gives me a measure of understanding. Compassion helps me to separate their behavior from their basic needs as human beings. 

The help I provided was in the way of information and resources. Who knows, that small bit of help may be a pivot point that determines where they end up. The choices are still theirs to make. And hopefully somewhere down the road they will become more positive, productive contributing members of society. A hand up. There are others whose first instinct would be to cut them off entirely and have them fend for themselves. Throw them to the wolves so to speak. This serves no one and has greater potential for negative outcomes.

The Right Thing To Do

 

What is the right thing to do? I've been asking myself this question more than once through these past months as I navigate a difficult situation.

I have had to step into the role of taking care of my dad as he deals with a challenging living situation and elder abuse from my 2 brothers that have been living with him in his home. Dad assures me there is no physical abuse, but I know there is emotional and financial abuse taking place. 

Now given the situation why would I even question if I am doing the right thing by helping and advocating for my dad? It's because at times I get resistance from dad and lots of kickback from my brothers. As we get closer to a solution that will keep dad safe and support his mental health, my 2 brothers behave more and more like cornered animals. 

Dad thinks he has everything under control and hasn't completely understood that he is in an abusive situation. He doesn't want my brothers living there anymore but he also doesn't want to see them on the streets and worries for their well being. I know he is also concerned about potential violence towards myself as they blame me for stirring things up and they constantly make threats. Dad ends up being stuck in the middle of two opposing forces. 

Up until April of this year dad had been able to drive and could leave his acreage daily when he wanted to get away from the toxic environment he lives in. Due to some health issues and beginning stages of dementia driving is no longer an option for him. We get him out of the house as often as possible, get him to appointments and help him to see and understand some of the options available. After talking to someone at the Elder Abuse hotline and reading some of their brochures I realize that it was time to change my approach somewhat. Because dad is still considered fully independent and able to make his own decisions, he is the one that has to be willing accept what is happening and make use of the resources and help available. And until that happens he needs supportive people around him. Once I realized this I was able to step back and let dad know that I am here for him in a supportive role as a loving daughter. I stopped pushing as much and I also stopped stressing as much over something I had little control over. I continued to be involved and monitor things while being proactive. We looked at housing options and found a great +55 apartment building in town that has many of the same amenities that a seniors lodge would have. A place where dad can for live independently, away from the abuse and engage in daily and weekly social activities within the building. 

I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster ride. Up, down, good, bad, and downright ugly at times. And through it all there have been times when I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Should it be this difficult and still be the right thing to do? And I've wondered if it was time to just throw in the towel. But no, this is my dad. I can't do nothing knowing all that he is dealing with. 

My main priority has been getting dad into a healthy and safe environment where he can thrive and socialize with others in normal surroundings. Plans had been made to start moving some of dad's furniture into his new apartment last Friday. Everything came to a screeching halt when the one brother made a huge scene at dad's house and threatened to kill everyone. Police were called in and we ended up getting no furniture moved. Dad of course was upset and asked to come home with us. He left with just the clothes on his back as he was too rattled to grab anything when the police escorted him into his house. We now have an Emergency Protection Order in place for dad and myself providing some recourse if the order is not adhered to.

It's the ongoing threats and backlash that I get from my brothers constantly that causes me to waiver at times. I start to question myself. Am I pushing too hard? Should I let things be? And then my conscience steps in and helps to guide me in the right direction. With dad having finally admitted that he has been living in an abusive situation we have been able to take some more concrete steps to keeping him safe. The road ahead is still going to have its challenges, but I just have to continue to let my conscience guide me and know that I am doing the right thing. 

I am thankful to the rest of my family that provide support and assistance and I am thankful that I have a solid healthy eating plan to keep me on track. Without that meal plan I would have gone off the rails for sure when it comes to food. Dietary self defense helps to support mental and physical health and manage stress which is much needed at the moment. Kung Fu is my anchor and conscience is my guide.

I am a Beacon!

“What is given to you is given to share, not to keep” – Mother Theresa

I am a beacon. And as a beacon I have the ability to inspire, encourage, guide and support those around me. Actively working on my personal growth and blogging about my journey gives my inner light direction and purpose, lighting the way for others. Journaling gives me a voice and feeds my soul. My growth is messy at times and yet still beautiful because it is real and a part of who I am. 

We are all beacons no matter where we are at on the journey of life. We can be at the bottom of the mountain/journey just starting out and still be a beacon for others. We can be somewhere in between slowly plodding along and struggling at times and also be a beacon or we can be near the top of the mountain lighting the way. We are all connected through our successes and failures.

The essence of our humanness is more powerful when explored and shared. Our actions and our voice create direction and guidance. It is reflection and inner work that allows me to grow and shine and be a beacon for myself and others. As I learn, reflect and grow, I share valuable lessons and provide insights to guide, inspire and encourage those around me. Kung Fu and the IHC team are full of opportunities to fuel my inner light and help others move forward on their journey.

The beauty of this I am topic is it ties so beautifully into all the other I am topics. Being a beacon means I am also an example, a teacher, a student, a warrior and humble to name a few. 

I am a beacon!

Board Breaking

Board breaking is an important part of our curriculum and is either loved or feared by many students. I myself fall into the latter category. I've been apprehensive and stressed by the thought of breaking boards. Anxiety took over prior to our recent break-a-thon to the point where I seriously considered just sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else. I know if I sit and watch I will feel more comfortable, but I will also regret not pushing myself and missing out on the opportunity and lessons to be learned. The rational part of my brain reminds me that #1 I've done this before successfully, #2 its not life or death and #3 I may even enjoy myself.  

The pandemic has been beneficial to me in some ways. Allowing me to develop and grow safely within my bubble and reducing my anxiety.  On the other hand some of the forward momentum I had gained prior to the pandemic has been lost or delayed. So it's times like board breaking that I feel like I'm starting over.

Did I successfully get through the break-a-thon with at least 10 breaks? Yes. How did I feel afterwards? A mixture of relief and also knowing it was not as bad as I envisioned in my head. I am still very uncomfortable with the idea of breaking actual boards though. Afterwards I had even voiced out loud that I would be fine not being a black belt if it meant not having to do the required board breaks. That's my anxiety speaking for me and also not true because knowing myself, I know I would never let something like the board breaks stand in my way of earning my blackbelt. 

I would like to see board breaking become more than just a yearly event. Did I actually just say that? Yes, because with more practice comes more understanding, increased comfort and skill. I know our training throughout the year provides the knowledge and skill required to break boards but it often takes a physical board in front of us to learn how to overcome mental barriers and transition in class knowledge to actual skill. And practicing more often on an actual board would help to overcome some of my anxiety and mental barriers while building confidence. 

 

Abundance of Emotion!

Wow! I am not even sure how to express the abundance of emotion I feel as I watch everyone's videos . I am feeling blessed and full of gratitude to all of the IHC team members that took on video assignments for the recent challenge - 7 days in the life of the IHC and to everyone that participated in the challenge. Many of the videos have been very creative and all have been inspiring and full of so much wonderful and relevant information and instruction. I'm not sure how many students participated in the challenge, but I do know the value of this project is unmeasurable. Thank you, thank you to our IHC team for your time, your efforts and your hard work in helping to make this project a reality! 

There are times when my creativity surprises me. It is surprising how one little idea can become a project like 7 Days in the Life of the IHC. The challenge started out as wanting to inspire others to generate some healthy and positive habits. From there it started to grow and after talking to Todai Ferris to get some help with organization and her challenge building experience, more and more pieces started coming together. After talking with her I realized I could also involve other team members to help with bonus challenges and videos. One of my favorite aspects of the challenge has been the videos. I built in some basic parameters for the videos, but really wanted things to evolve organically so I stepped back from too much direction and couldn't be happier with the results.

A project like this contains many hidden layers. There are all the videos with valuable information, the tracking sheets to record your success and learn the value of knowing where you are and what you are doing and accomplishing, working towards goals each day, helping students and parents to understand more about the IHC, introducing some of our team members, and providing tools to help create healthy habits just to name a few. And I think it also helps to bring us closer together as a team. We become more unified working towards a common goal. 

If I hadn't stepped outside of my comfort zone to take on this project and ask for help, this challenge would not have taken place. There were definitely a few times when I thought OMG, what have I gotten myself into? I often don't follow through with some of my creative ideas because I am unsure of how to get started and usually see more roadblocks than ways forward. I have learned that we all have our talents and gifts. I don't need to be able to do it all. I can take those ideas and dreams and involve others to help organize and make them a reality. 

Thank you Todai Ferris for all your input and assistance and thank you to an amazing team. Loved, loved, loved the videos and so happy to have student participation!

1/12 of a Teaspoon Part 2

A blog that I wrote almost 2 years ago has been very relevant lately - 1/12 of a Teaspoon. This particular blog has been helping me lately to put things into perspective, especially when I am having difficulty recognizing the efforts I perceive myself to be making and contributions. 

It is also helping me to become more aware of ego and working at set it aside. Ego has no role to play in the life of a honey bee as it buzzes from flower to flower pollinating and collecting nectar for the good of the hive and future generations.  Free from ego their efforts have an immense positive affect.

As I move through my day everything I do matters. My efforts and contributions to myself and the world around me matter. I could produce 1/12 of a teaspoon in a minute, an hour, a day or a month. What's  important is not discounting the size or quantity or my efforts. What matters is consistent effort in some form or another.

Blog from February 1, 2021

- Did you know that the life of a worker bee is 6 to 20 weeks depending on the time of year? Most of that time is spent gathering nectar. And in their lifetime they will only make 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey. All their work is done for the colony, helping future generations and not the individual bee. 

Our team requirements and the goals that we set for ourselves are comprised of fractions of a teaspoon all adding up to greatness. It can be difficult sometimes to see the results that we are building at any given moment, but they are there none the less. 

Whether we are working as an individual, a part of a team or a community every small step we take is part of a larger picture that provides benefits to ourselves and those around us. The benefits may not always be noticeable, but they are real and ripple outward.

There are always going to be those that shine brightly. produce amazing results and are directly responsible for greatness.  However, never discount your own effort and contribution, whatever the size. It all matters! Every 1/12 of a teaspoon counts! 

As I reach for the honey in my pantry I am full of gratitude to all the bees that make honey possible and I am reminded that 1/12 of a teaspoon leads to collective greatness and mastery.

https://ideas.ted.com/if-you-want-to-tackle-big-problems-try-thinking-like-a-bee/

Challenge - 7 Days in the Life of the IHC

For anyone that doesn't already have a sheet to track their progress please make use of the class appropriate tracking sheet below.

There will also be limited copies available at the Kwoon.