Moving Forward

It is amazing how things can change so quickly. We had successfully moved dad into his new apartment on November 12th. Safety and accessibility to family, socialization and independence were all determining factors in getting him out of his acreage and into his own place. Dad has been enjoying his apartment and having a safe space that also provides a warm welcoming community.  At the same time it has been a major life change which adds different stressors when dealing with dementia. 

Having dad right in Stony Plain and close to us has been wonderful. I have been able to spend time with him every day helping him adjust to his new apartment. Simple things like operating the TV or microwave has become challenging for dad. Home Care had started to come in twice a day for medication assist and showering. Remaining independent as long as possible is important to dad and because that is what he wants for himself I am here to support him for as long as safely possible.

Working with seniors requires patience, understanding and compassion. Compassion is of utmost importance in a seniors life as they continue to age and their body or mental function changes. Compassion requires that we be empathetic and ask questions to help understand their individual wants and needs. Compassion is more about finding ways to be supportive rather than being intrusive.  

What is best for a senior is not always what the senior wants or is willing to accept. Until they reach a point where their cognitive function is impaired and safety becomes an issue they are considered independent adults and capable of making their own decisions. At what point would you or I want someone else to step in and make life changing decisions?

Unfortunately stress of the family dynamics and related ongoing issues as well as major move and life change have increased the symptoms of dad's dementia. Operating the TV is a struggle for him, finding his way around the apartment is challenging at times as well. He is getting more and more confused and having dreams that he is unable to separate from reality once awake. His balance this past week became progressively worse over the period of a few days, hand eye coordination was affected and he was becoming increasingly delusional. 

I quickly came to the conclusion that dad needed more help than I could provide. Even if I could be there all day I couldn't safely help him move about and don't have the knowledge needed to best deal with all his ongoing and new symptoms so I called an ambulance. Before I made the call I talked to dad about going to the hospital first. It wasn't about giving him a choice but rather some consideration and time for him to process going to the hospital.

I've always been able to juggle as needed whatever life throws at me. Kung Fu has helped me to develop greater awareness and logical or reasonable control as opposed to arbitrary control. I'm learning to be less reactive and think more in terms of responsive. I juggle balls as needed. The difference now is that I am better able to purposely set balls aside rather than drop them. Dropping does still happen, but I stop for a moment and reset. I also ask myself why? What did I learn and what can I adjust?

Every day, every life event and every challenge becomes a catalyst for growth and change. Through all the ups and downs this year I have been provided with multiple opportunities to learn more about the person I am and the direction I want to take. I am moving forward in a way that supports myself and others around me.

Why Do I Go To Class?

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Why do I go to class?

I go to class to learn.

I go to class to push myself out of my comfort zone and to become the best version of myself. 

I go to class to be surrounded by like minded individuals and our SRKF community.  

I go to class so that I may be of help to others

I go to class to absorb the spirit of the art and acknowledge our past masters.

I go to class to be noticed by my instructors and get feedback.

I know that being noticed is something to be embraced and yet I struggle with this. Why is this difficult for me? Mostly because I've always protected myself within a carefully constructed bubble and prefer to blend in. I am uncomfortable with attention. 

When I acknowledge to myself that being noticed is desirable and essential to my growth I am better able to step on the mats and embrace the attention and feedback from my instructors. Even when feedback isn't specifically directed at me I know there is still value and lessons I can apply to my own training. I can also use some of that same feedback to not only improve my skill but also help other students. 

So I ask myself do I want to be noticed? YES, because feedback is essential and I know this is how I will continue to expand my knowledge and skill in Kung Fu. My ego needs to be pushed aside so that information can be absorbed and acted upon. It is the willingness to accept and embrace feedback that will continue to help me grow as a person and as a martial artist.

It's Just Kung Fu!

 

It's just Kung Fu!

My first thought was wow, that's quite the statement. How can that be true? The importance of kung fu can not be overstated and yet.... hmm, is this possible? 

I kept coming back to this statement as it has required some contemplation on my end. It is the paradox that has caused me some internal conflict. When I contemplate everything that Kung Fu has done for me over the years I have trouble aligning the above statement with my perception of Kung Fu. What was needed was a tweak in perception to not only understand the statement but also how and where Kung Fu fits into my life. My journey this year has been about finding ways to fit Kung Fu into my upside down life and my life into my Kung Fu. And I admit there have been times when it had felt like a bit of a burden.

So as I contemplated the meaning of this simple statement I've come to believe and embrace that it is about taking things less seriously while still putting in the effort required in any given moment. Yes, the art of Kung Fu is full of amazing lessons and discoveries and the benefits are endless and yet it is just Kung Fu.  Thinking of it as just Kung Fu teaches me to step back, look through a different lens, take a breath and enjoy the journey. 

When I change my perception to "It's just Kung fu",  I'm more present and have the ability to flow with greater ease, enjoying each moment without overly stressing about the outcome. I can then step back and look at things objectively while creating balance within training and personal life. 

paradox

I am a Warrior!

I am a peaceful warrior. I know that both a peaceful heart combined with a warriors spirit is needed to embody the true essence of what it takes to be a warrior. As with anything, balance is necessary. And balance comes with training. We are all in training every moment and every day of our lives. 

A warrior is determined, motivated and purposeful. A warrior embraces life and will take action to make the impossible, possible. A warrior doesn't quit. A warrior battles self doubt while tackling life's challenges. A warrior takes action even when fear is present. These are all qualities of being a warrior and yet the most important quality is humility. Our ability to be humble helps to guide our actions and tackle life with integrity. 

I can attach many of these qualities to myself and I also know that they fluctuate from time to time and are constantly evolving. I have days where I am on top of my game and I have days where I am tested and provided with opportunities to learn from my failures. Because I recognize and have experienced these qualities in myself I am also able to recognize when they are lacking. With that awareness I can work towards having more consistency and balance in my life. Kung Fu has helped me to develop a warrior spirit and is teaching me how to balance my peaceful heart with my warrior spirit. 

Blackbelt Goal

The recent posts about grading day have got me to thinking about a goal I had set for myself. Although I was only a blue belt at the start of the year, I had planned to prepare myself to grade and earn my blackbelt by the end of the year. At the time I was on an upward trajectory and riding an enormous wave of possibility. It's interesting because previously I hadn't entertained the thought of being a blackbelt and then suddenly, wham... everything became clear and  I could see myself on that path. I knew that I had a long way to go but for the first time I could feel and see the way forward. With hard work and effort I felt black belt was a very real possibility. 

The pandemic was in full force at the time and training at home was a huge benefit to me. I was super comfortable in my bubble. Work was paused, life was just easier and the symptoms that I normally experience do to living with a mental illness were greatly reduced. For me the pandemic provided internal ease, clarity and as a result numerous opportunities. I trained regularly, I discovered, I learned and I grew as a martial artist and as a person. There were some negatives as well but overall I flourished. As I write this I am both grateful and sad. Grateful for everything I learned and gained during that time and sad because it points out how much mental illness affects me when I'm needing to do life and continuously manage anxiety and my personal bubble. 

So the goal to earn my black belt was set and plans were made. Effort, routine and consistency took place daily. And then life events happened! I found myself navigating tons of personal stuff and also reintroducing in person training, resulting in more stress and anxiety. Life events were big this year and became all consuming.  All the preparation and plans for earning a black belt ended up being set aside. My priorities changed. 

Some of what was going on in my head when I set this goal was partially ego, but ego is not always bad. At times ego motivates, driving and propelling us forward. I am still learning to develop the ability to recognize when ego has taken over and is the main driver. I experienced a great lesson earlier this year in how easy it can be for ego to take control without even realizing it. Being objective and using humility as a guiding light to reduce the negative aspects of ego helps to create a better balance and gives us a deeper understanding of self and the ability to proceed intuitively.

I have no regrets with how everything turned out this year. Setting such a lofty goal helped me to continue to push myself and develop strategies. Everything I did and didn't do put me one step closer to earning a black belt one day. And while the year has not gone as planned, I have grown as a person in ways that I could not have imagined. I attribute much of that growth to the effort I put into my blogging. There is no failure for me, but rather a greater clarity of what is important in life. At some point in the future I will earn my blackbelt. And in the meantime I will continue on my journey to becoming the best version of myself and developing my skill as a martial artist.

I am Compassionate

Our intelligent curriculum at SRKF teaches both empathy and compassion and their importance in and out of the Kwoon. I find that empathy and compassion often become meshed together as they both have very similar qualities and yet they are different. 

Empathy is the ability to feel for others, builds awareness, understanding and strengthens our human connections. When we empathize with others we have the ability to see things from other people's perspective. This gives us a broader more open outlook and the ability to understand a persons actions, and emotions. 

Compassion has many of the same qualities and is usually a response to empathy. Compassion creates a desire to help while also being able to separate ourselves from the emotion of a situation. Being able to set aside the emotion helps us to respond appropriately versus just reacting. Having the ability to remove or set aside emotion is important when it comes to managing an appropriate response and guides us. It is that appropriate response that is going to best help a person or situation.  

My current situation with my brothers has created an opportunity for me to practice both empathy and a develop a better understanding of compassion. At first I had no desire to put in any time or effort towards helping individuals that are creating harmful situations for myself and my dad. As things escalated and decisions were being made I had a moment when I knew compassion was needed. I would help them in some way. That is because I am compassionate. Being compassionate helped me to set aside some of my feelings of frustration and anger long enough to ask myself some difficult questions. Questions like should I help them? How can I help them? And why?

Why? Because in addition to having a family connection my brothers are fellow human beings. My dad would also be affected by what happens to both of them. And I would be at odds with myself if I didn't at least try to help in some way. I have empathy which gives me a measure of understanding. Compassion helps me to separate their behavior from their basic needs as human beings. 

The help I provided was in the way of information and resources. Who knows, that small bit of help may be a pivot point that determines where they end up. The choices are still theirs to make. And hopefully somewhere down the road they will become more positive, productive contributing members of society. A hand up. There are others whose first instinct would be to cut them off entirely and have them fend for themselves. Throw them to the wolves so to speak. This serves no one and has greater potential for negative outcomes.

The Right Thing To Do

 

What is the right thing to do? I've been asking myself this question more than once through these past months as I navigate a difficult situation.

I have had to step into the role of taking care of my dad as he deals with a challenging living situation and elder abuse from my 2 brothers that have been living with him in his home. Dad assures me there is no physical abuse, but I know there is emotional and financial abuse taking place. 

Now given the situation why would I even question if I am doing the right thing by helping and advocating for my dad? It's because at times I get resistance from dad and lots of kickback from my brothers. As we get closer to a solution that will keep dad safe and support his mental health, my 2 brothers behave more and more like cornered animals. 

Dad thinks he has everything under control and hasn't completely understood that he is in an abusive situation. He doesn't want my brothers living there anymore but he also doesn't want to see them on the streets and worries for their well being. I know he is also concerned about potential violence towards myself as they blame me for stirring things up and they constantly make threats. Dad ends up being stuck in the middle of two opposing forces. 

Up until April of this year dad had been able to drive and could leave his acreage daily when he wanted to get away from the toxic environment he lives in. Due to some health issues and beginning stages of dementia driving is no longer an option for him. We get him out of the house as often as possible, get him to appointments and help him to see and understand some of the options available. After talking to someone at the Elder Abuse hotline and reading some of their brochures I realize that it was time to change my approach somewhat. Because dad is still considered fully independent and able to make his own decisions, he is the one that has to be willing accept what is happening and make use of the resources and help available. And until that happens he needs supportive people around him. Once I realized this I was able to step back and let dad know that I am here for him in a supportive role as a loving daughter. I stopped pushing as much and I also stopped stressing as much over something I had little control over. I continued to be involved and monitor things while being proactive. We looked at housing options and found a great +55 apartment building in town that has many of the same amenities that a seniors lodge would have. A place where dad can for live independently, away from the abuse and engage in daily and weekly social activities within the building. 

I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster ride. Up, down, good, bad, and downright ugly at times. And through it all there have been times when I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Should it be this difficult and still be the right thing to do? And I've wondered if it was time to just throw in the towel. But no, this is my dad. I can't do nothing knowing all that he is dealing with. 

My main priority has been getting dad into a healthy and safe environment where he can thrive and socialize with others in normal surroundings. Plans had been made to start moving some of dad's furniture into his new apartment last Friday. Everything came to a screeching halt when the one brother made a huge scene at dad's house and threatened to kill everyone. Police were called in and we ended up getting no furniture moved. Dad of course was upset and asked to come home with us. He left with just the clothes on his back as he was too rattled to grab anything when the police escorted him into his house. We now have an Emergency Protection Order in place for dad and myself providing some recourse if the order is not adhered to.

It's the ongoing threats and backlash that I get from my brothers constantly that causes me to waiver at times. I start to question myself. Am I pushing too hard? Should I let things be? And then my conscience steps in and helps to guide me in the right direction. With dad having finally admitted that he has been living in an abusive situation we have been able to take some more concrete steps to keeping him safe. The road ahead is still going to have its challenges, but I just have to continue to let my conscience guide me and know that I am doing the right thing. 

I am thankful to the rest of my family that provide support and assistance and I am thankful that I have a solid healthy eating plan to keep me on track. Without that meal plan I would have gone off the rails for sure when it comes to food. Dietary self defense helps to support mental and physical health and manage stress which is much needed at the moment. Kung Fu is my anchor and conscience is my guide.

I am a Beacon!

“What is given to you is given to share, not to keep” – Mother Theresa

I am a beacon. And as a beacon I have the ability to inspire, encourage, guide and support those around me. Actively working on my personal growth and blogging about my journey gives my inner light direction and purpose, lighting the way for others. Journaling gives me a voice and feeds my soul. My growth is messy at times and yet still beautiful because it is real and a part of who I am. 

We are all beacons no matter where we are at on the journey of life. We can be at the bottom of the mountain/journey just starting out and still be a beacon for others. We can be somewhere in between slowly plodding along and struggling at times and also be a beacon or we can be near the top of the mountain lighting the way. We are all connected through our successes and failures.

The essence of our humanness is more powerful when explored and shared. Our actions and our voice create direction and guidance. It is reflection and inner work that allows me to grow and shine and be a beacon for myself and others. As I learn, reflect and grow, I share valuable lessons and provide insights to guide, inspire and encourage those around me. Kung Fu and the IHC team are full of opportunities to fuel my inner light and help others move forward on their journey.

The beauty of this I am topic is it ties so beautifully into all the other I am topics. Being a beacon means I am also an example, a teacher, a student, a warrior and humble to name a few. 

I am a beacon!

Board Breaking

Board breaking is an important part of our curriculum and is either loved or feared by many students. I myself fall into the latter category. I've been apprehensive and stressed by the thought of breaking boards. Anxiety took over prior to our recent break-a-thon to the point where I seriously considered just sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else. I know if I sit and watch I will feel more comfortable, but I will also regret not pushing myself and missing out on the opportunity and lessons to be learned. The rational part of my brain reminds me that #1 I've done this before successfully, #2 its not life or death and #3 I may even enjoy myself.  

The pandemic has been beneficial to me in some ways. Allowing me to develop and grow safely within my bubble and reducing my anxiety.  On the other hand some of the forward momentum I had gained prior to the pandemic has been lost or delayed. So it's times like board breaking that I feel like I'm starting over.

Did I successfully get through the break-a-thon with at least 10 breaks? Yes. How did I feel afterwards? A mixture of relief and also knowing it was not as bad as I envisioned in my head. I am still very uncomfortable with the idea of breaking actual boards though. Afterwards I had even voiced out loud that I would be fine not being a black belt if it meant not having to do the required board breaks. That's my anxiety speaking for me and also not true because knowing myself, I know I would never let something like the board breaks stand in my way of earning my blackbelt. 

I would like to see board breaking become more than just a yearly event. Did I actually just say that? Yes, because with more practice comes more understanding, increased comfort and skill. I know our training throughout the year provides the knowledge and skill required to break boards but it often takes a physical board in front of us to learn how to overcome mental barriers and transition in class knowledge to actual skill. And practicing more often on an actual board would help to overcome some of my anxiety and mental barriers while building confidence. 

 

Abundance of Emotion!

Wow! I am not even sure how to express the abundance of emotion I feel as I watch everyone's videos . I am feeling blessed and full of gratitude to all of the IHC team members that took on video assignments for the recent challenge - 7 days in the life of the IHC and to everyone that participated in the challenge. Many of the videos have been very creative and all have been inspiring and full of so much wonderful and relevant information and instruction. I'm not sure how many students participated in the challenge, but I do know the value of this project is unmeasurable. Thank you, thank you to our IHC team for your time, your efforts and your hard work in helping to make this project a reality! 

There are times when my creativity surprises me. It is surprising how one little idea can become a project like 7 Days in the Life of the IHC. The challenge started out as wanting to inspire others to generate some healthy and positive habits. From there it started to grow and after talking to Todai Ferris to get some help with organization and her challenge building experience, more and more pieces started coming together. After talking with her I realized I could also involve other team members to help with bonus challenges and videos. One of my favorite aspects of the challenge has been the videos. I built in some basic parameters for the videos, but really wanted things to evolve organically so I stepped back from too much direction and couldn't be happier with the results.

A project like this contains many hidden layers. There are all the videos with valuable information, the tracking sheets to record your success and learn the value of knowing where you are and what you are doing and accomplishing, working towards goals each day, helping students and parents to understand more about the IHC, introducing some of our team members, and providing tools to help create healthy habits just to name a few. And I think it also helps to bring us closer together as a team. We become more unified working towards a common goal. 

If I hadn't stepped outside of my comfort zone to take on this project and ask for help, this challenge would not have taken place. There were definitely a few times when I thought OMG, what have I gotten myself into? I often don't follow through with some of my creative ideas because I am unsure of how to get started and usually see more roadblocks than ways forward. I have learned that we all have our talents and gifts. I don't need to be able to do it all. I can take those ideas and dreams and involve others to help organize and make them a reality. 

Thank you Todai Ferris for all your input and assistance and thank you to an amazing team. Loved, loved, loved the videos and so happy to have student participation!

1/12 of a Teaspoon Part 2

A blog that I wrote almost 2 years ago has been very relevant lately - 1/12 of a Teaspoon. This particular blog has been helping me lately to put things into perspective, especially when I am having difficulty recognizing the efforts I perceive myself to be making and contributions. 

It is also helping me to become more aware of ego and working at set it aside. Ego has no role to play in the life of a honey bee as it buzzes from flower to flower pollinating and collecting nectar for the good of the hive and future generations.  Free from ego their efforts have an immense positive affect.

As I move through my day everything I do matters. My efforts and contributions to myself and the world around me matter. I could produce 1/12 of a teaspoon in a minute, an hour, a day or a month. What's  important is not discounting the size or quantity or my efforts. What matters is consistent effort in some form or another.

Blog from February 1, 2021

- Did you know that the life of a worker bee is 6 to 20 weeks depending on the time of year? Most of that time is spent gathering nectar. And in their lifetime they will only make 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey. All their work is done for the colony, helping future generations and not the individual bee. 

Our team requirements and the goals that we set for ourselves are comprised of fractions of a teaspoon all adding up to greatness. It can be difficult sometimes to see the results that we are building at any given moment, but they are there none the less. 

Whether we are working as an individual, a part of a team or a community every small step we take is part of a larger picture that provides benefits to ourselves and those around us. The benefits may not always be noticeable, but they are real and ripple outward.

There are always going to be those that shine brightly. produce amazing results and are directly responsible for greatness.  However, never discount your own effort and contribution, whatever the size. It all matters! Every 1/12 of a teaspoon counts! 

As I reach for the honey in my pantry I am full of gratitude to all the bees that make honey possible and I am reminded that 1/12 of a teaspoon leads to collective greatness and mastery.

https://ideas.ted.com/if-you-want-to-tackle-big-problems-try-thinking-like-a-bee/

Challenge - 7 Days in the Life of the IHC

For anyone that doesn't already have a sheet to track their progress please make use of the class appropriate tracking sheet below.

There will also be limited copies available at the Kwoon.

September - Numbers To Date

I am much happier with my progress over the month of September. I am mostly back on track, having lots of green days, yellow days and the odd red day. Definitely an improvement over the previous months. Having those numbers in front of me really does help to motivate and encourage further effort. And I have been able to finally recite Mastery without having to look at the sheet.

I still struggle with recording the Acts of Kindness and KM. The KM mostly because I don't use a fitness band to help keep track. My goal for October is to have more consistent green days throughout the month.

PU - 23580                Sparring - 363        

SU - 23130                KM - 650          

Hand Form - 554       AOK - 484

Weapon - 555            Yoga - 16 Hrs

I Am Listening

I am listening quietly to everything around me. I hear the birds chirp, the bees buzz and the leaves softly fall. I hear the sound of my breath as it expands in and out. Tuning myself into the moment and listening brings awareness to the beauty of nature around me. 

I also hear the hum of the lights, the whir of a fan and the noise of traffic going by. As I listen to a conversation or instructions, my brain is absorbing the content and my thoughts develop their own conversation as I pick up on gems of hidden info. Add in background noise, emotions and ego, distractions are everywhere.  

I am constantly challenged to listen while in the Kwoon. Not because I'm not interested but because of the vastness and importance of the information presented. I am sensitive to background sounds and white noise which can prove to be distracting and so I am always having to work on refocusing. Focus my eyes, focus my mind, and focus my body. 

I feel myself 100% in the moment when I quiet my mind & body and focus. I am listening intently and absorbing while also processing. Together, yet separate. My brain absorbs and latches onto to important gems of info contained within the whole. Perhaps I am more intuitive when it comes to picking up those hidden gems of information? This is where it also gets challenging for me. When the message contains additional gems of information needing to be absorbed, I find the speed at which I am able to process is slower than the information coming in.  

I continue to practice my listening skills and develop my ability to process information faster. I am listening! And there is always room for improvement.

 

Trusting Wisely

When it comes to trusting my kung fu, I find it is mostly comes down to feel. I love that feeling of really being grounded as I execute a technique. Kind of like a bolt being tightened and sucked into place. And when this happens the techniques themselves feel solid and powerful. Everything is working together as it should. There is that brief release right before the connection with the ground and bam... the deliver of power. You absolutely know when timing, technique and the six harmonies are working together. 

The transition of footwork is another component of our forms that brings me joy. There are sections that I feel stability and ease of movement within the transition. Some came about through hours of repeatedly isolating segments and a lot of determination. Other transitions evolved over time more naturally. 

It's moments like these that help me to build trust in my abilities as a martial artist. It is also the struggles I have with techniques, transitions, working with a partner, knowledge and overall skill that also cause me to doubt myself. So what is the answer? Well, I know that when ever I train I mostly feel good. And I always feel good when I train with passion and intent.

Ahh, so the key to trusting myself more is training more!!

The interesting thing about trusting oneself is there is also the danger of ego taking hold and overlooking areas for improvement or needed course corrections. Remaining humble and open minded is the key to continued growth. It is also when I either feel totally inept or trust myself that I ask fewer questions. Not really the right approach to take. There is value in asking the right question no matter what my skill or comfort level is. Feedback from our instructors is always beneficial. I usually learn the most from answers that are unexpected or answers that are difficult to embrace. 

So I will strive to make myself teachable, have an open mind, work hard, build trust in myself and ask the right questions.

Confidence

Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn't about feeling superior to others. It's a quiet inner knowledge that you're capable. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well, and have a positive view of yourself.

Confidence or a lack of confidence has been a thorn in my side. I've struggled often over the years with lower self confidence and self esteem and at other times in my life I've felt confident and self assured. When I have experienced true self confidence it felt very organic. A natural feeling of being and doing.

My inner confidence ebbs and flows way more than I'd like it to. It's like first trying to catch a slippery eel, and then holding on to it. Just when I think I've got it, it slips away. Living with a mental illness means never knowing what the day will bring. It can be exhausting! I can only do my best each day and continue to push myself. I've done this many times and will continue, because with repetition, I learn, I adapt and my confidence grows. And sometimes it is one step forward and 2 steps back, but I don't stop.

The biggest thing for me is having trust in myself. I have learned and developed trust when it comes to my hand forms, but put a weapon in my hand and that's a bit more challenging. I am loving my choice of the double butterfly swords this year. Working with a weapon in each hand has helped me with the concept of working together yet separate and creating better fluidity. Creating my own form requires extra work and effort and tends to be frustrating at times, but is also always satisfying.

It is quite common when working on a form for a whole year to become disengaged. This is the first year though that I've really felt dissatisfied with my weapon form and myself. Not trusting and starting the comparison game is a sure fire way to cause the eel to slip free. So I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked for feedback from Sifu Brinker. Of course I got some great feedback and positive reinforcement which I needed. I wish I could trust myself more, but just like my hand forms I will develop that trust with my weapon forms as well. And I have a plan to continue moving forward.

When we DO feel confident, it's the BEST. We feel on top of the world, like we can do anything and accomplish all of our hopes and dreams. We can recognize all of our strengths and put them to good use without worrying so much about failure (Failure who? Never heard of her).

Sneaky Ego

I can almost pinpoint the exact moment my thought process veered off track and ego started to worm it's way in. The week of July 11th. I remember thinking how evolved I was becoming. Ego had snuck up on me with a huge congratulations and a big pat on the back. 

I was having so much success in learning from each and every struggle. The inability to get back on track with my training became less and less important. I was making huge strides in other areas of my personal growth. I could sense myself evolving and began to feel empowered. And as that happened I found myself ok with not getting as much training done.

Ego can be sneaky sometimes. I sure didn't see it coming. I was too consumed with work, life and my dad, among other things. So as I struggled and was unable to get back on the training wagon, ego was the furthest thing from my mind. 

I knew that feeling guilty could become and issue and so I turned my focused to gratitude and being more aware of the positives and successes throughout the days and weeks. Even though I wasn't able to get my physical training back on track, I was still going to all my classes, helping out when available, engaging with the team, planning projects, working at figuring out where I am and what I'm doing and blogging. I actively worked through every snag that I encountered along the way. The actions, reflections, realizations and personal growth became my life preserver as I floundered around in an ocean of wave after wave. 

I put a lot of effort into where I was, what I was doing and why. At the time that's what I was able to do, both physically and mentally. Somethings just need to be worked through at their own pace so I don't think anyone could have helped me at the time. Even though I veered off track I don't see it as wasted effort because of the valuable lessons learned along the way. I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Attending Thursday nights IHC meeting was very timely and highly important in my personal journey. I think that because I had been able to restart my physical training with more consistency prior to the meeting I was also able to absorb the messages Sifu Brinker provided to us. I had already started to forge a new path, hopefully leaving most of the ego behind. Thursday nights meeting provided much needed reinforcement and helped to provide more clarity. 

Not All Bad - Numbers To Date

It has been much too long since I've posted any numbers. Since the end of April actually. If you have been reading my blogs you will know that I have been struggling in many ways. The effort has been there off and on, but my efforts to get back on track over the months usually only lasted a day or two. I tried numerous times and never seemed to remain consistent. I've given myself all sorts of start dates. Tomorrow, next week, the beginning of the month and even the present day. Nothing seemed to work. 

This past week has seen some of my best effort and results. So what has changed? The biggest turning point has been coming to the conclusion that I just have to let go of circumstances beyond my control. I have exhausted all avenues of help and support for my dad and myself. Even though the situation is no better, I feel some weight lifted and stress has been reduced. Mental and physical energy is now able to be redirected to where it will best serve me and in return others as well.

This weekend I sat down and took a look at everything I had recorded for May, June, July and August. Because I never gave up and continued to track most of my progress I do actually have some numbers recorded. I am thankful for those numbers and am aware that there are some that also got missed. Acts of kindness are one of the biggest areas that I stopped recording and even thinking about and it shows in my totals. 

As I added things up though, an interesting thing happened. I had started off thinking about how dreadful my numbers were going to be and how far behind I was. Very quickly though something changed and I found myself starting to feel excited. I remember thinking this is not what I expected to feel. As I added the numbers each week and saw the totals grow, I began to feel a sense of accomplishment. Yes I wasn't where I wanted to be, but I was much further along than I realized and further along than I would have been if I had stopped recording my numbers completely. Wow, the power of tracking progress and not giving up!

Numbers February 1 - August 31st

PU - 19920                 Sparring - 353        

SU - 20460                 KM - 570            

Hand Form - 475        AOK - 422

Weapon - 455             Yoga - 16 Hrs

I Am My Product

  

At the start of the year I made note of the I am topics that were of interest to me. As the weeks progressed I usually found that a specific topic would grab my attention and so I would contemplate and write. This current I am topic did not make the list initially, but I have found myself somewhat intrigued by it. At first glance it felt out of place. Not really aligned with the others. And because it felt a bit random, I found myself drawn to it from time to time. I began to consider the meaning and value of this topic and how it applies.

So how does this apply to me? As I considered the potential meaning behind I am a business/product, I began to see how our lives could be thought of a business, and if that is the case we are our own product. As a business owner and institution I am responsible for my financial state, my overall health and wellness. I may have business partners to consider and even young entrepreneurs that I am responsible for. I am a leader and often a follower. I work at building stronger relationships. I wear different hats as needed and am challenged regularly by the fluctuations of life. I learn, adapt and continue to grow just like any other healthy and productive business. How I manage my life/business plays a huge part in my degree of success or failure. 

I also play an important role within the community. Being actively engaged helps me to develop connections. I can spearhead different projects, support various causes and be an advocate for positive change. Silent River Kung Fu is a great example of this as well as other local businesses which inspire me to operate at a similar level. 

Like any business owner I need be able to learn from my mistakes and my successes, be somewhat flexible, adapt and continue to grow as a person and as a business. I take on the challenge of opportunities when they come along and embrace the possibilities.  Kung Fu and the IHC team are key ingredients to operating my business and developing my product. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. The more time and effort I put into my business and my product, the greater the positive impact I will have on the world around me.

It turns out that 'I am my business/product' perfectly aligns with the other I am topics. Each of the I am topics are all components of understanding and building the best version of my product and my business.

I am Intrepid

Intrepid is not the first word I would use to describe myself. I would most likely think of myself as cautious and controlled. And yet I also have an internal intrepid spirit which is curious by nature, includes a thirst for knowledge, and can be adventurous and creative.

My curious nature started as a young child and never left me. That phase of why, why, why has continued on through the years. I have always been intrigued by the multitude of answers and possibilities and continue to be intrigued by answers even now.

My adventurous spirit really blossomed as I entered the travel industry. So many opportunities, people and places to discover. I am grateful to have visited Egypt, Vietnam, Cambodia and Dubai on my own. I didn't wait for someone else to be able to travel with me. I forged ahead and grabbed ahold of opportunities as they presented themselves. There have also been times when I've created my own opportunities in the spirit of adventure. I am intrepid while still knowing my own limitations, so I travel carefully making use of guides and tour groups while still pushing myself outside of my comfort zone at times.

Through these experiences I am able to expand my awareness and views of the world. I feel alive and strengthen my capacity for empathy and compassion towards others and my gratitude grows with each experience.

I am intrepid! I am dauntless, brave and have an ongoing curiosity and a thirst for new experiences.

React or Respond

Trajectory in our lives can take different paths. And some paths may be more visible and measurable than others. My trajectory last year skyrocketed as most things aligned for me. This type of growth isn't sustainable though. Natural rhythms and cycles within nature and the universe are constantly in a state of flux, becoming woven into our lives causing all sorts of disruptions or alignments.

The obstacles that I keep encountering this year have most definitely altered my trajectory. It is still there, just less visible and harder to measure as it has taken a different path. Knowing this, I am able to let go of where I wanted to be and am learning to embrace where I am going. I'm learning so much and evolving in ways that I never would have imagined. 

Kung fu has become woven into my life. I haven't taken a break from my training. I just currently train differently. I am utilizing the many pathways created through my growth as a martial artist. Each of these pathways create their own journey. Journeys that consist of their own ups and downs as I work towards building healthier habits and personal growth. 

It's quite amazing how you can hear or read something that sticks with you at just the right time. This has been happening often for me this year. The latest gem of wisdom is the act of responding vs reacting. I am utilizing this gem often lately and grateful for its timely entrance into my life right now.

Timely because dad's health has been an ongoing issue since April and is he now exhibiting signs of dementia. There is also an extreme family dynamic with my 2 brothers who live with him. I say extreme for many different reasons, but most importantly a recent threat to my life. This has resulted in the police being involved and victims services reaching out to me. I don't think of myself as a victim, but I have had to think more about my safety and that of my family and am finding it harder to stay focused.

Responding vs reacting has been helpful to me in dealing with dad and this whole situation. Reacting is usually an automatic action that happens without awareness or conscious thought and tends to be emotional and rash. Responding is derived from the word responsibility and can take a bit more time as it involves awareness, consideration and thought. It requires awareness on my part to break the pattern and step away from reaction into a responding frame of mind. I am becoming better at catching myself jump into reaction mode. With practice I will be able to work towards building healthier responses. 

With sparring some people might think that the automatic reaction is the best choice. It happens very quickly and can be effective. The feedback is immediate. Taking the time to respond is a better choice though, but requires time to develop. Developing the ability to process information quickly. Staying in the moment while still being able to process your options at the same time. The more you practice this the faster and more efficient you can become. Responding provides more control and the ability to adapt as the situation changes and can help to alleviate costly mistakes. 

Even if I am not actually sparring I am still applying concepts that will help me with my sparring. There have been many opportunities to practice staying calm. I have learned from first hand experience that staying calm can somewhat depend on the opponent I am up against and my current frame of mind. I've had great success and some ok successes. Having someone yelling at you and throwing out verbal assaults with threats of violence and death has a way of deflating the calmness. 

Even though my current circumstances have been stressful, I am grateful for the lessons I am learning. I say this truthfully because I can feel the growth and personal strength evolving even though there are moments when I also feel overwhelmed and stressed.

 

Filling My Cup

Wow! I feel blessed and full of gratitude to have taken part in a weekend Nemetona Goddess gathering which took place in a beautiful natural setting. A weekend spent with 20 other beautiful women willing to be open, present and share their beautiful spirits with each other. Some had existing relationships and a few of us were completely new and all of us left as friends.

We came together and created our own forest of trees, each with individual strengths, personalities and qualities. As the weekend evolved we laughed, shared, shed tears, and helped to heal each other as needed. As the weekend came to an end, we all felt more grounded than when we first started. Our root system was deeper, stronger and more connected to each other. We became a collective, giving and receiving strength and energy from each other, from our ancestors and from mother nature. We all left with cups much fuller and more enriched than when we first arrived. 

The importance of filling ones cup often gets overlooked and forgotten about. Life tends to get in the way of self care. How can I continue to keep my cup full? Meditation, time spent in nature, eating healthy, and connection with others are vital to my self care. I also realized this weekend the importance of shared experiences. Everyone of us has unique challenges and gifts. It is in the sharing and acceptance of these challenges and gifts that helps to fill our cups with abundance and love. 

I continue to be amazed by the benefits that Kung Fu provides. You see, I realized that Kung Fu and the way we train at Silent River is in many ways similar to what I experienced this weekend. We have a very special group of instructors, and students that are willing to learn, teach and share with each other. I am surrounded by like minded individuals on a similar journey, willing to learn from each other and give of themselves. It is those shared experiences of successes and failures, learning and growth that helps us to become stronger together.  

Take a look around you next time you are at the Kwoon and consciously connect with other students, instructors and our past masters. Our collective energy of the past, present and future can be a strong bond when we become conscious participants. Kung fu enriches my life, fills my cup and helps me to be a better version of myself.

The Creativity of Me

 

"Whenever you do something, do it as a piece of art. Let everything express the creativity of YOU."

- Yogi Bhajan

This quote really resonates with me. I feel it speaks to each person's individual flair and goes beyond personality. It's about allowing the essence of who we are in any given moment to shine and expand outward. It can be playful expression, inspiration, imagination and the unique way our bodies move.

I immediately thought of my Kung Fu journey and how it has evolved over the years and how I have evolved over the years as a result. When I first started Kung Fu, creativity was the last thing on my mind. Managing my anxiety each time I stepped on the mats was my first priority and then absorbing and trying to remember everything was next on the list. My sole focus was on recreating. I didn't even think that creativity was an option.

Fast forward a number of years and I have come across this beautiful quote that is such an amazing gift. A gift because it has helped me to become more aware of the change that has been naturally occurring in my training. As I read the quote I realized I am starting to feel the expression of my own creativity in my Kung Fu and other things as well. The quote fills me with an abundance of possibility that puts a smile on my face. It feels like permission to be me.

I Am An Example

We are all examples. To others and to ourselves. Our choices, actions and attitudes all permeate out into the world around us and can have long term effects, both positive or negative. As a child my parents and teachers taught me manners and acceptable behaviours. These basics were a great starting point and were reinforced by reminders and the example of others. And as I put into practice these behaviours I also became a positive example for those around me. 

Being conscious of the example I am setting for myself and striving to make the best personal choices helps me to be a better example for others as well. Success, failure and the willingness to reflect is key to growth. When I learn and grow as a result of my experiences I am better able to understand and have compassion and empathy for others. 

I am human. There are times when I falter and make unhealthy eating choices or choose to be less than productive. And these not so positive examples can offer an amazing amount of insight and personal growth if I take the time to ask myself why and look for ways to improve. The key to picking myself up when I stumble is to reflect and blog, and make any necessary adjustments. Positive and negatives are part of a circle of external and internal components that work independently together, with the ability to continuously work towards building a stronger core. Progressively building healthier habits and attitudes are a result of time and effort.

I am an example of awareness, evolution and being human.

I am an example of perseverance, resilience, determination and success.

I am an example of reflection and contemplation and the numerous benefits of failure.

I am an example! And being an example teaches me humility, understanding, empathy and compassion.

My Hands

 

Funny how life works. It took getting sick to finally find my way towards practicing my hand form differently. I had previously been given many suggestions for adaptations due to my knee issues and just hadn't been inspired or motivated to really try any of them. A bit of resistance taking place there.

Because my energy level was decreased over the past 10 days I found myself thinking more about my hands and playing with hand movements. It is almost as if they had a life of their own and were sending me a very clear message. Play with us! So I started to play while sitting and as I did I found myself wanting to get up and move. 

The internal is something I have been struggling with in 18 Temple Motions. Because this form is hard on my knees though, I've haven't been doing the reps needed to work on everything that I want to. So instead of focusing on the whole form, I'm now working primarily on the hands while executing very basic footwork. My focus has a tendency to shift occasionally to the shoulders, elbows and hips. I find these shifts tend to happen naturally as I realize a little extra hip or shoulder is needed. My goal is to develop the internal energies within this form and become more aware of my chi and increase my control and power.

I Am Breathing

The act of breathing keeps my alive. I breath in, I breath out. My lungs expand and contract. I am breathing. What though is the quality of my breath? 

In the past I've taken breathing for granted and didn't fully comprehend the power and ownership I hold when it comes to my breath. I saw my breath as an expectation of life with little thought given to it, except when it wasn't functioning as well as I would like. I find myself questioning more and more my breathing ability and technique. 

I am learning that breath work comes in many forms and is very intentional and beneficial when developed over time and practiced with awareness. In class we practice butterfly breathing. This practice encourages us to be mindful of our breathing, develops control and pulls in more oxygen to help replenish our energy. Just one of the many ways to work on our breathing.This is one of those awesome auxiliary webs created through the continued practice of kung Fu. 

Working on different breathing techniques through yoga practice helps me to develop my lung capacity and control and builds awareness of my breathing throughout the day. The quality and focus of my breath helps to improve my functionality, health and quality of life. I have barley scratched the surface of breath work and no longer take breathing for granted. 

I am breathing! And I am excited and continue to be inspired as a result of my Kung Fu training.

Evolution & Adjustment

The ebb and flow of my life over the past months has required certain priorities to take centre stage. As a result my ability to complete team and personal requirements have been all over the place. Some days are good, other days not so good. I think back to those first few months and there is a part of me that misses the apparent simplicity of what I was able to accomplish. Nothing ever stays the same though. 

Each time I find my groove, the boat gets rocked or I just don't have the mental or physical energy to stay on course and I find myself unable to sustain that groove. There is a lesson here and so I have to ask myself why and reflect deeper. 

I am learning to be more flexible with my routine and discovering it doesn't need to be an all or nothing state of mind or being. I've created a good solid base to build on. I need to trust that foundation and myself. Rather than tossing away some of my well established routines, I can make adjustments to the routine or replace it with something just as valuable. Where am I, what am I doing, why, and what will serve me? These are the questions I ask myself.

I've discovered it is ok to replace all or a portion of my physio exercises with yoga some days, providing its own value. And most Monday and Wednesdays I spend extra time at the Kwoon attending and helping out where I can at the Level 1 Teen/Adult class. I could spend the extra hours at home working on IHC requirements and adding to my numbers, but for me there is currently more value in the extra class time and learning how to help other students. Often there isn't enough time to do it all and so I consider my priorities and look at options when applicable.

I am evolving as a person and as a martial artist and as a result it makes sense that my routine and the actions that I take each day need to evolve as well. I do what I can and am getting to a place where I mostly don't feel guilty when it comes to what isn't getting done. Instead I try to keep in front of me each days successes and am learning to live more in the present. There is value in everything I do and don't do. The not doing can have value when it is mindful and filled with its' own value. 

Initially I saw the IHC requirements as boxes to check off. Tasks to complete. It took a bit of time to understand and experience the underlying value the requirements hold. Each year that I am on the team I've gained more insight into how the requirements serve me. Take push ups for example. I could concentrate solely on numbers completed or I can be mindful of my technique, my breathing, engaging my core and listening to my body.

The requirements are tools. And these tools can have infinite value depending on the user. We are only limited by our imagination, our level of awareness or mindfulness and our efforts. I'm human, my efforts aren't always pure and there are times when numbers are my priority, but I know the requirements aren't just boxes to check. I see them as valuable tools and accomplishments. Each of the requirements have a total number attached as well. That number is also a tool, not a box to check. Less, more, or just enough? What is the correct number? This will depend on internal and external priorities, effort put forth and will be different for each of us.

As I continue to evolve I am finding that this valuable set of tools the IHC team has been given are now  needing some adjustments themselves. I am requiring and acquiring additional tools to help me move forward and take me further in my journey. I don't throw away the original tools, as they are still hold value and purpose. I just view them slightly different and am more aware of what is in my best interest at any given time.  I am discovering how to take what I need, when I need and where to push myself.

 

 

Yoga

I've had some experience with Yoga in the past, but had never committed to it long term. When I think back to my previous experience I mostly remember having a strong dislike towards the downward dog technique. This was because I had poor upper body strength and didn't practise Yoga often enough to build those muscles or see any benefits. I can look back at this now and smile. I have gratitude for the person I was then and I have gratitude for the person I am now because of experiences and knowledge gained along the way.

There was a time when I was struggling internally with my Kung Fu and I had considered ending my Kung Fu training with thoughts of turning to Yoga instead as a way to continue improving my overall health and mobility. At the time I saw it as one or the other, not both.

Fast forward a few years. The decision to add Yoga to my personal goals for this year has been a great decision. I no longer see Yoga as a separate entity. Instead I have come to see it as complimentary and an important component for me as I move forward in my Kung Fu journey. 

So how is my Yoga practise going? I am loving it! I have made use of some great online Yoga videos for beginners and have also signed up for a weekly Yoga practise with Daya Mata Lacie which I am thoroughly enjoying. Each Yoga session has an intention that aligns with a theme for the month, creating a more intentional practice. My Yoga practise ebbs and flows based on my schedule. Some weeks go by with no Yoga and then other weeks I am able to find the time to add it in. When I'm able to add it in I am reminded of how much I enjoy and benefit from it. My goal is to develop more consistency with my Yoga practice over time.

In addition to the initial reasons for adding Yoga to my personal goals, I have also experienced other benefits. I find myself developing an increased awareness with my breathing, posture and the ability to ground myself during Yoga and outside of Yoga as well. I also find myself randomly smiling at times during Yoga. Smile is my intentional word for the year and so I am happily surprised to see Yoga helping me with this. 

As I build a solid Yoga base I find that I am also building internal connections. And my intentional practice is expanding into other areas of my life and Kung Fu, just as I knew it would. Even as I struggle in other areas I know that everything is evolving as it is mean't to be. The more that I do, the more I learn and the more that I learn, the more I do. 

Managing Expectations

It is easy to get caught up in the energy and expectations of others. Reminding myself of where I am at, what I'm doing and why, is an important component to staying on track. Multiple reminders per day can be necessary to keep my goals and expectations true and on course.

With a 4th job added into my busy schedule I am getting better at saying no and setting parameters. Communication is a key factor. Life can happen to me or with me as long as  I take an active role. I have control. Control when it comes to my perspective and control in my actions and reactions. 

Sticky hands comes to mind. An internal dance. A give and take that requires intent, awareness and trust. I learn more from the interactions with others than I do on my own. We are all individually part of a collective 

Being able to manage the expectations of work has made it possible to getaway for 3 days. We are staying in a great little guest ranch outside of Jasper with wonderful views of the mountains. And as we drove into the entrance to the guest ranch there was a beautiful kaleidoscope of yellow swallowtail butterflies to greet us.

I feel blessed and full of gratitude for the lessons that have brought me to this place. 

Dragon Dancing

After tonights Dragon Dance practice I realized I am becoming more and more comfortable with being in the dragon. I am starting to experience moments of joy and happiness. To some that may not seem out of the ordinary, but I have not always felt this way when it comes to dragon dancing. 

My very first year of the IHC included learning to Dragon Dance and performing in the dragon for the Chinese New Year's banquet. That was a year of many firsts. I was constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone and the dragon caused me an enormous amount of anxiety. I actually had my first panic attack that year as a result. Being attached to 8 other team members and knowing that if I mess up it would affect everyone else as well. The dragon is a team of 9 people all relying on each other. Once in motion there are a lot of moving pieces. The responsibility feels enormous. 

Our dragon dance performance that year did give me a measure of accomplishment but mostly I was just relieved to be done. Afterwards I thought I would never get back into a dragon. I had done it and checked it off the list so to speak. I did take a bit of a break from the dragon and then eventually stepped back into it off and on. I was even able to take part in the dragon dance performance again at our last in person banquet when Logan earned his black belt. Still out of my comfort zone though.

Dragon dancing has slowly become less stressful. In addition to the team work and communication required I feel like dragon dancing is a bit like sparring. And even though we haven't been able to spar much in class over the past two years I am still finding ways to apply the lessons from sparring to other activities and everyday life. Being a part of the dragon requires me to be aware of what's going on around me, and my fellow dragon dancers. I also need to be able to react and make adjustments while in motion. Staying calm and breathing come into play as well. I am happy to say I am becoming more confident in myself and actually beginning to enjoy the dragon. I am happy to have made it to this point and am enjoying this journey. 

Life's Agenda

My goals were carefully considered and decided on for the year. I then planned and created organizational tools to help achieve and track those goals. And I know that everything was working great as I have my recorded numbers and notes as proof of my effort and achievements over the first few months.

Then along comes life with its own agenda. And life doesn't always align with our personal goals and plans. It's as if life has a life of its own, a sense of humor at times. It can spin us around causing our direction to be all wacky or sometimes leaving us feeling like we've been tossed into a deep dark tunnel.  Life's agenda is not designed to be mean and is not out to get me. It is about lessons to be learned and personal growth. It is also about perspective and learning to be in the moment. Even a minor upset in the matrix of my life can provide a number of lessons. I can become a harder person as a result or a softer person and be open to learn. 

Going through our forms mindfully helps to develop an eye for detail and to stay in the moment. That eye for detail starts to open up more pathways to an even greater awareness, possibility and subsequent exponential growth. The lessons provided by life also contain an enormous amount of detail. So I am learning as a result of my kung fu training to apply my eye for detail when it comes to life's numerous lessons. The key is I am willing to put in the effort and learn. 

I feel like I'm in a bit of a holding pattern currently as I navigate everything life is throwing at me and trying to teach me. I am learning to be gentle with myself while still finding the correct balance. The tricky part is how much to push myself and when. I am fearful of taking the easy road. I fear falling off the wagon completely and getting stuck under a rock, unable to get loose and move forward again. It feels a bit like being on a merry go round and not able to get off. And just when it starts to slow down and I can feel some semblance of control, the wheel starts to spin quickly again. I know that my trajectory is still moving forward even with all the spinning and bumps along the way. I just want to be accomplishing more.

There is a combination of external factors swirling around me as I spin. Grief, my dad's health and living situation and working/coordinating 3 separate jobs for starters. Then there is the internal battle I am having when it comes to dealing with my knees and how I am going to move forward with my Kung Fu training. This is something that I am really struggling with. Logically I know there are adjustments that can be made and other directions and focus when it comes to my training. Much of that has already been implemented and in progress. When it comes right down to it, I am mourning the loss of being able to practice my forms as I have been able to do in the past. I had developed a love for forms. Forms have taught me so much, helped me to push myself past barriers, connected dots and provided numerous aha moments. I fear I am loosing the ability to continue that momentum.

Maybe my love of forms can transition over into helping other students in their Kung Fu journey. And while sparring and application has never been my strength, this is possibly another area to gain confidence and skill. Not the basket I would have put my eggs into, but I know there are plenty of benefits. Life has its own agenda designed to help me be the best version of myself if only I listen, learn and adapt.

Nutritional Self Defence

I am gradually learning to be a more intentional and conscious eater. The foods that I consume on a daily basis are fuel for my body. And the quality of that fuel dictates my overall health and can improve the functionality of my body providing me with a natural form of self defence.

Nutritional self defence:

Improves mental health

Keeps skin, teeth, and eyes healthy
Supports muscles & boosts immunity
Strengthens bones
Lowers risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and some cancers
Increased energy levels and can improve sleep
Helps the digestive system function
Helps achieve and maintain a healthy weight

It can be overwhelming with all the information and the different dietary plans to follow. I have found that for me what works best is to start with a cleanse/detox plan. Even detox programs can vary greatly so I found that working with someone that had experience and expertise to be of great benefit. Thank you to Sihing Cosgrove.

My first cleanse/detox was in September last year and I gained valuable information and tools. I developed some great new habits to support my overall health. Now my day almost always starts with fresh squeezed lemon in hot water. I've also added intermittent fasting 4 - 5 days of the week. The more time my body has to complete the digestive process without adding more food and additional stress on the organs, the better.

I found myself still struggling though with choosing healthy foods and meals on a daily basis. When I fall behind on meal planning or even just prepping foods I find that is where I make unhealthy choices. My schedule like many of us can get very busy and suddenly there I am at a fast food chain picking up something quick because at that point it's either convenience or simply go hungry. I am mostly able to avoid those fast food traps, but I find carbs way too easy to fill in as fuel for my body when I am at home because I'm tired, hungry, busy or don't have the ingredients needed for a healthy meal. 

After too many months of making poor eating choices, I made plans to detox and cleanse again in May. I signed up for a paid program with a nutritional consultant by the name of Jonie-Lynn. She provided a wealth of knowledge and expertise and eagerly shared with all of us that joined her during the 21 days. There were a lot of great valuable takeaways. I think this time around what is sticking most is the concept of clean eating and adding more super foods into my daily diet. For me this means more greens and fruits in the form of salads and smoothies on a daily basis. I also consciously consume less gluten, dairy and animal products. I learned that I need to eat more often throughout the day when eating clean so prep is important to success. If I allow my body to get low on fuel I don't make the best food choices to support my health and well being.

Determining what works best for my body is an ongoing process. It's a balance of clean eating, adding in super foods where ever possible, reducing dairy ( cheese is my downfall) and animal products and putting together meals with fresh herbs and ingredients when available. Of course this does take more time and effort, but so worth it. And I'm learning that eating healthy is more than just the foods going into my body. It is also my attitude attached to eating. Some of the ingredients that are not the best for my body can still be nourishing if there is positive energy in the preparation of the meal, gratitude for all that I have in front of me and the love of family or friends while eating together. This is where consciousness and intention plays a powerful role.