Patience and Small Wins

I was finally able to get a 30 minute yoga session done this week. With a puppy in the house Ive been finding it challenging to free up time for me and for my training. Having a positive mindset and not quitting has helped to keep me engaged and moving forward even if it is in small incremental moments.

Patience is definitely an ongoing theme and has been tested daily as Willow and I both learn from each other. Being responsible for teaching and training a puppy has reiterated the importance of being fully present in each moment. I find when I’m more engaged with what is happening I’m also less stressed, leading to a better outcome. And I’m learning to recognize when and why I'm not getting the desired results. 

It has been very satisfying to recognize how much Kung Fu has woven itself into my life and continues to help and guide me in all endeavours. And it works both ways, as life is also helping me with my Kung fu.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 720/37190
Hand form: 3/476
Weapon form: 15/513
KM: 41/1518
AOK: 25/1293
Sparring: 0/164
Blogs: 1/49
Yoga: 30min/22.5hrs
Tai Chi: 20/655
MM:19/952

Benefits of Training Half Awake

Training in the early morning before I'm fully awake has been interesting and a bit enlightening. I have noticed both my weapon and hand form feel better. There is better flow, stability and power. Hmm... I think this is because I've yet to gather the stresses and built up tensions of the coming day. I'm less in my head. In that moment I am mostly unencumbered which allows my body to move with fluidity and flow. 

While doing Da Mu Hsing on Thursday I became very aware of my hands and how they were moving. It was almost as if they had a life of their own. I felt more defined movement in my hands, more rotation and more snap and power. I'm not exactly sure there wasn't some over exaggeration of movement, but it does feel like I'm on the right track. The question now is how do I create a similar state of being while doing my forms at other times of the day?

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 640/36470
Hand form: 11/473
Weapon form: 11/498
KM: 49/1477
AOK: 25/1268
Sparring: 0/164
Blogs: 1/48
Yoga: 0/22hrs
Tai Chi: 20/655
MM:19/952

Adjusting to a New Norm

It has been a week since the newest addition to my household. 7 days with a 14 week old puppy named Willow. Her and I are both making adjustments and figuring things out as we go. Even the best thought out plans don't always go as intended. As a result my Kung Fu training has dropped off substantially. 

Even though there is still the same amount of time in my day, my priorities and responsibilities have changed. I'm having to look for and find opportunities to add in some training. It is really about being alert and ready to take action when an opportunity presents itself. This is something I'm still figuring out.

There is a small window in the mornings before Willow wakes up that I can get a few push up and sit ups done if I've woken earlier than her. And I've learned to take advantage of the few minutes when Willow is focused on eating to do a few form reps. Open training this Saturday will be a treat. I'm really looking forward to being able to devote a couple of hours to Kung Fu.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 680/35830
Hand form: 3/462
Weapon form: 5/487
KM: 40/1428
AOK: 24/1243
Sparring: 0/164
Blogs: 1/47
Yoga: 0/22hrs
Tai Chi: 21/635
MM:19/933

Letting Go & Moving Forward

There has been a lot going on in my head these past few months. 

I've come to a crossroads. This is not a sudden development, rather more of a gradual knowing, a faded map inside my head indicating possible crossroads. There has been more than one decision to be made. I am being guided in new and different directions, away from the main path, but still with similar goals. 

As I feel pulled to stray from the well trodden path, I also feel a bit of uncertainty. Changes can be scary which is why I'm taking time to figure things out in my head and on paper. I have ideas and goals in mind and plan to make use of the many tools Kung Fu has provided me over the years. I'm sure there will be some learning curves and unsuccessful moments and also lots more personal growth. 

Now that I'm home from my trip I've been working at getting back into more of a regular routine. Having the time and space to practice yoga felt really good. I sometimes don't realize how much I miss it until I am in the midst of practice, similar to working on my forms. Yoga this week was very powerful and beneficial. We worked on our liver and gallbladder meridians with a focus on inspiration as part of the practice. 

As I moved through the practice, I felt a shift and release of energy. Afterwards as I sat with that feeling and thought about inspiration and enthusiasm, a tear ran down my cheek. I found myself wondering why and what the unexpected emotion was about. 

Is this sadness? Sadness - because of what I may be leaving behind and letting go of.

Is this joy? Joy - for the gratitude of awareness and the possibilities to come. 

I quickly realized it was a combination of both. Those seemingly simple words of inspiration and enthusiasm resonated with me deeply and I realized they tied in with the decisions I'd been wrestling with and the changes to come.

Yoga this week helped to authenticate and solidify this change of direction and has reinforced the importance of inspiration and enthusiasm in my journey. I feel a more authentic flow with these decisions and changes in course. Needless to say this new path may come with uncharted territory and will require much effort, planning and flexibility. I'm excited and a bit nervous to see where these new paths takes me.

More to come...

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 950/35150
Hand form: 8/459
Weapon form: 8/482
KM: 87/1388
AOK: 73/1219
Sparring: 0/164
Blogs: 3/46
Yoga: 60min/22hrs
Tai Chi: 12/614
MM:43/914

Basics

I’ve been travelling through Portugal this week. The days have been busy with sightseeing, exploring, moving from place to place and making new friends. My time and space looks much different than it does at home. It would have been very easy to use the trip as an excuse to set aside my personal and team requirements. Instead I found and made use of small moments here and there each day to add in a few push ups and sit-ups and practice mindfulness. There were a couple days I was also able to get in some Tai Chi. 

My priorities may have changed this week, but I realized I still have a measure of control when it comes to  what I chose to do or not do. And that is where discipline comes into play. I was able to record some numbers each day in my book which also helped to keep me mindful of where I was and what I was doing. The numbers weren’t big, but they helped to keep me grounded and focused and reinforced how important those basics are to keeping mediocrity at bay.

Totals this week

Push ups & Sit ups: 490
Hand form: 0
Weapon form: 0
KM: 44
AOK: 53
Sparring: 0
Blogs: 1
Yoga: 0
Tai Chi: 6
MM:23

Change!

I really wasn't sure what I was going to blog about until I sat down and opened up Blogger. I had one word in mind. Change! 

In reality there is a whole lot to say and to write. I just need to sort things out in my head and my heart. I am processing, I'm still figuring myself out and finding my way. And even at this stage in my life I'm learning there is always room for more personal growth and self discovery.

Kung Fu has woven itself into all aspects of my life very well. My priorities support each other, are in balance and flexible. Over the years I've worked towards building consistent healthy habits and have established routines and practices to support me and a path towards Mastery. 

I'm engaged, enjoying classes, moving forward and yet there is a disconnect. I feel blessed and practice gratitude daily and still I have noticed an underlying mundane quality to my life. Tiredness is an ongoing issue. The pattern of my life has become possibly a bit too comfortable and predictable. I think it is mostly the predictability and routine that is getting to me. Hmm... maybe I'm becoming more attuned to mediocrity creeping in.

 It is still amazing to me the extent my inner being guides me and leads me to awareness. As a result there are some changes currently in the development stage that I plan to implement. Time to shake things up a bit and reduce a bit of that mediocrity that I can feel creeping in.

The 1st big change is the addition of a new 14 week old puppy in my life at the end of this month. Not a true rescue, but I will eliminating the need for her to end up in a rescue shelter so that is a good thing. This will be my first time as a sole pet owner. The care, companionship, training and cost is all on me. A big responsibility, but I can already see how Kung Fu has helped. I find myself being more proactive instead of simply jumping in and hoping for the best. I've been researching, preparing and allowing for bumps in the road as we both learn together. 

The addition of a puppy in my life means an adjustment to my priorities. Work is close enough to pop home to check on and spend my lunch break with the puppy. Unfortunately helping out at Kung Fu will be reduced and a bit sporadic as we both figure things out and she gets settled in and matures. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 830/34200
Hand form: 4/451
Weapon form: 8/474
KM: 28/1301
AOK: 20/1145
Sparring: 0/164
Blogs: 1/44
Yoga: 30/21 hrs
Tai Chi: 4/602
MM:14/871

Going With the Flow

On the surface my training may not be notable or appear to be advancing in leaps and bounds. However when I take note of everything I'm learning and discovering this year, I see a continuation of internal awareness and applying that awareness to my training. 

Core engagement, flow and chi have been at the forefront of my training this year. This wasn't completely intentional and yet through a series of class instruction, Tai Chi and personal goals I've been guided and followed this years current flow of training and learning.

When I engage my core as I move trough a technique, there is an immediate positive feedback. I can feel my center lower slightly and I feel more grounded and solid. Core engagement for me can feel like an internal expansion and contraction of varying degrees. Almost like its own living, breathing entity that helps to facilitate the external. It's like everything is working together - six harmonies as it finest. 

Everything I'm learning and experiencing also prompts me to explore that which does not feel right, which is exciting. Being able to feel when a technique isn't quite right and working through possible issues with a positive outlook has been more enjoyable and rewarding.

Building those foundational blocks and continuing to practice and apply knowledge will in due course establish consistency.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 720/33,370
Hand form: 10/447
Weapon form: 10/466
KM: 33/1274
AOK: 21/1125
Sparring: 0/164
Blogs: 1/42
Yoga: 0/20.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 17/598
MM:17/857

A Moment of Clarity

I had a very distinct moment of clarity after Tai Chi class this week.

During a conversation with Sifu Dennis, I commented on how good it felt completing part 4. Not a thank goodness it's over feeling, more of a sense of accomplishment in being able to finally remember the sequence and an overall sense of enjoyment. I had mentioned to Sifu, how even though the sequence became my main focus, I still experienced aha moments and discovered chi in different ways. 

Mentioning the aha moments and self discoveries helped me in that moment to understand my body now moves differently because of those experiences and how they have become a part of me. It makes sense that I most likely won't feel or have those same exact experiences. I expect going forward there will be similarities with slight differences as I focus on applying concepts and truths. 

Our conversation brought clarity which I knew to be true in that moment. I was surprised because it was  completely unexpected and also a bit surprised I hadn't realized this before now. I believe the knowing was already there, just a bit fuzzy. I can see now how this realization was actually building over the past few months. I find sometimes talking with someone can help to solidify things that are already percolating.

With this new found clarity I am able to let go of the desire or need to recreate aha moments and feelings. I'm learning to train differently, with greater awareness and trust in myself as I continue to build, change and move forward.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 880/32650
Hand form: 10/437
Weapon form: 8/456
KM: 26/1240
AOK: 36/1104
Sparring: 0/164
Blogs: 1/41
Yoga: 30/20.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 10/581
MM:21/840

Breaking Boards

Our annual break-a-thon often causes me stress and anxiety leading up to the day of the event. Somehow when the time arrives though, most of the anxiety disappears and I find myself enjoying the class. Instead of worrying about possibilities and outcomes, I become engaged in the moment. It's as if a switch has been flipped and it's now game time.

I love the camaraderie with fellow students and instructors during this event. We are all putting ourselves out there to some degree, applying our skill and knowledge and supporting and cheering each other on.

I almost didn't bring out my wood boards that night to try, but thankfully after using mostly re-breakable boards I decided to go for it and I'm so glad I did. The feel and sound that comes with breaking a wood board is a beautiful thing. 

My goal for next year is to go into the break-a-thon feeling a sense of excitement and confidence in myself. Breaking boards once a year isn't enough to get me to that point. Too much time passes in between and so I'm thinking of adding board breaks as a personal goal for next year.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1120/31770
Hand form: 16/427
Weapon form: 12/448
KM: 73/1214
AOK: 48/1068
Sparring: 5/164
Blogs: 1/40
Yoga: 30/20 hrs
Tai Chi: 21/571
MM:45/819

Thanks Again Kung Fu!

I wasn't always able to make the connections between Kung Fu and life outside of the Kwoon. Now I experience connections and the benefits of Kung Fu frequently. It's in the way I try to live my life, my constantly changing perspective and evolution, my struggles, my failures and successes. 

I recently took on a task that most likely I wouldn't have agreed to 2 years ago. A friend from high school passed away in August after battling cancer for the 3rd time. In the early days after being diagnosed, my friend Linda was focused on planning and making arrangements for the end of her life. During one of our visits she had asked me to do a eulogy at her celebration of life and I found myself saying - hmm..., ok, yes. 

Linda's celebration of life took place this past Friday and yes, I did go up and give a eulogy in honor of my friend. And I thank Kung Fu from the bottom of my heart for preparing me and giving me the confidence and capability to take on such an important role.

When Linda's daughter asked me in September if I would still be willing to do a eulogy, there was a moment where I paused briefly before again answering yes. And surprisingly, I didn't find myself overly anxious or stressed about getting up in front of people to talk. After writing the eulogy I practiced reading it out loud numerous times and made a few tweaks. I'm not sure if one can ever be fully prepared for reading a eulogy to a large group of grieving friends and family. The one thing I didn't account for was the emotion in the room. I knew it was going to be difficult, but it wasn't until I was up at the podium speaking that I realized how much emotion there was to get past in order deliver the eulogy and honor my friend.

Thanks again Kung Fu!

Hooray!

Hooray, I've finally remembered the sequence of moves in Tai Chi 4!     

I have been struggling lately with the length of part 4 and being able to remember past the first half of the sequence. This has caused a bit of frustration to creep in. As I feel the frustration, I also acknowledge the distance traveled and am able to move on. The problem is the niggle of frustration has been growing.

At home I practice as far as I can remember. When I get stuck, I start again and continue to practice what I know. And I learn valuable insights that often come from just being relaxed, and in the moment. 

Class time is an opportunity for me to follow along and ask for help and of course we continue to frequently add more moves. The frustrating part is I can follow along and then when I do it on my own,  poof... it's gone. Darn, I thought I had it! This seems to be happening a lot where I think I have it and then it's gone again. The interesting thing though is I can still see baby steps where I'm remembering a little bit more each week. 

In the past I would often feel frustrated and annoyed with myself. Thankfully my journey over the years has helped to teach me awareness of self and to find the balance between pushing myself and embracing the moment. I've learned to be gentle with myself and am finding it to be a much more pleasant journey filled with experiences and teachings I may have missed in the past.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 850/30650
Hand form: 16/411
Weapon form: 13/436
KM: 29/1169
AOK: 27/1020
Sparring: 0/159
Blogs: 1/39
Yoga: 30/19 hrs
Tai Chi: 15/550
MM:24/774

Where Am I ...

Where am I? 

I’m a bit stuck

 - after 2 weeks away I’m finding it a bit challenging to get back on track. It feels like I’ve got one foot on and one foot off. I'm mostly enjoying the scenery as I ride the slow train around and around. There is upward trajectory. The thing is, I know I could be doing more. Or maybe I'm right where I should be at this time. Hmm? Keeping mediocrity at bay has been more of a struggle this year. Thank goodness for the IHC. Without it I'd still be at the train station not knowing where to go or what to do.

What Am I Doing?

Making connections

- The connections I've been experiencing recently are very different from each other and yet they each hold a similar underlying message. The universe is showing me what I am capable of and reminding me of the value of practice. The IHC meeting on Thursday helped to pull everything together and provide the final poke needed. The awareness was already there, I was just trying to dodge the pokes.

 1.  Recent yoga sessions have included candle gazing as part of the routine. Simply put, I light my candle and gaze at the flame, then close my eyes. The goal is to hold the image of the flame with eyes closed. I'm sometimes able to see the shape of the candle in shadow or even the flame itself. The flame can appear as a darker flickering spot or have a slight orange glow. I can hold the image for a short time before it fades away. The connection I made at the time is how similar it is to my Kung Fu and anything in life really. It's very simple, the more I practice the better I will get.

2.  Tai Chi is a wonderful tool that is giving me much insight into my six harmonies and my chi. I recently had the most unusual and amazing experience while practicing at home. There was a moment while practising Tai Chi 4 where everything fell into place and I could actually feel the ground move with me. I wasn't just moving across the floor, it was a sensation of carrying the ground with me as I moved. Just like candle gazing this is something that will continue to develop with practice, time and patience. 

3.  The 5 applications has been on my mind lately as the candidates prepare. I think back to how much I struggled with this myself last year. I had felt completely out of my element and unable to see a way forward. Perseverance and support from my instructors and my partner helped get me to a successful completion, learning so much along the way, while having fun. The connection here is a reminder of what I can do when I put my mind to it and the barriers I can break through.  

Where am I going?

- That is a much more difficult question to answer. There will always be things out of my control. I think though there is more in my control than I give myself credit for. I have some thoughts and ideas on how to proceed. Firstly, I know I want to incorporate more consistent practice into my day. Some of that will be very intentional practice and some will be practice with focus on letting go of ego and outcome.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 880/29800
Hand form: 6/395
Weapon form: 8/423
KM: 29/1140
AOK: 34/993
Sparring: 2/159
Blogs: 1/38
Yoga: 30/18.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 12/535
MM:24/750

Mindful Moments

One of my personal goals this year has been to practice mindfulness. In a perfect day I could stop once every hour to be mindful of my surroundings and my breath, taking no more than 30 each time. When I first set the goal I didn’t realize how challenging it would turn out to be. 

In the beginning there were times when I thought of the practice as a nuisance and found myself tense, wanting to rush through the breaths to get it done quickly. I remember thinking my desire to rush through was an indication of needing a lot of mindfulness practice. Thinking back now, I realize part of the issue was also my approach. I was trying to force something that wasn't working. My approach at the time was fixed and didn't serve me in that particular moment. 

It's interesting how this practice has changed from the beginning of the year to now. I started with an hourly alarm on my Fitbit that helps as a reminder to stop, breathe and be in the moment. There are times when this works wonderfully as intended and other times where it can be disruptive given the circumstances. Even though the alarm doesn't always work, it is a much needed poke throughout the day to help keep me mindful and continue with my practice. 

In addition to the alarm, I've found other ways to trigger a mindful moment. Waiting in line or stopped at a red light are great opportunities to practice being mindful. 5 - 30 seconds is all that is needed. The trick is to remember to take advantage of these moments. Like anything we do, it takes practice and some days I'm more successful than others.

My perception and knowledge of mindfulness has grown over the year and continues to evolve. I find myself looking out the window more often and enjoying the view. Even a cloudy and rainy day brings me joy. And there are times now when this happens naturally without prompts. Practicing mindfulness has increased my ability to recognize and feel gratitude.

I've accumulated more tools than what I started with as I continue to work on adding mindful moments into my day. There are times when practice consists of a brief & simple pause to look out the window or a more intentional practice of deep breathing and awareness of self or surroundings. I've recently added in a new tool and have started to focus on visualizing my heart with each breath, working towards brain and heart coherence, which I'm really enjoying.

I still struggle with consistency most days and at times quality, but I am slowly developing and deepening my practice. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 800/28920
Hand form: 13/389
Weapon form: 15/415
KM: 31/1112
AOK: 24/959
Sparring: 2/157
Blogs: 1/37
Yoga: 1/18hrs
Tai Chi: 14/523
MM:24/726

Do This, Do That

Something I noticed after being back home for only a few days is how quickly negative thoughts start to pop up. I should do this, or I need to do that, etc, etc. I label them negative, because there is resistance attached to them. I understand their value and yet I still push back and procrastinate. Mediocrity pulls at me and then there is a measure of guilt.

I was trying to hold onto and incorporate some of the vacation mode feeling into my day to day routine once I returned home. Life has a different feel and pace while on vacation and I feel more alive and connected to the world we live in when I travel. I love feeling more relaxed, where time and choices are more my own while making connections with people and places along the way.

As I thought more I realized these thoughts weren't negative on their own. It was more how I was perceiving them to be. I could actually view them as welcome reminders and helpful in accomplishing my goals. Instead I viewed them as tasks to do, adding to the potential weight of my day. 

I always have choices and I know I have the ability to control the narrative inside my head with practice and time. Mediocrity is in the nooks and crannies all around me and takes ongoing effort to recognize and reduce. The good news is I'm not clinging to mediocrity, I'm exploring the world and I'm exploring myself even if it's messy at times. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1470/28120
Hand form: 10/376
Weapon form: 7/340
KM: 214/1081
AOK: 80/935
Sparring: 10/155
Blogs: 3/36
Yoga: 3.5/17hrs
Tai Chi: 20/509
MM:62/702

Getting Lost

Navigating my way around unfamiliar territory can be difficult and time consuming. Maps and directions can be helpful, but still challenging to use. I try to be extra careful and even when I've checked and rechecked, and think I’ve got it, the circuits in my brain just don’t connect properly. Because of this I really try to focus on my surroundings and using landmarks to help. 

My second day in Florence I had booked a full day excursion and needed to arrive at the meeting point by 8:45am. According to Google Maps it was a 11 min walk. I gave myself an extra 30 minutes and still didn’t arrive until 8:44. I got lost quite quickly, within a few blocks of my hotel. With paper map in one hand and Google maps on my phone I stopped and recalibrated to continue on. It wasn’t too much longer I could see I was getting farther instead of closer to my destination. The extra minutes I had given myself were quickly disappearing. I knew in order to arrive on time I was going to need some help and there were no taxis in sight. Drastic measures were needed. I approached a delivery driver, a lady walking by and a random guy sitting parked in a vehicle. Everyone did their best to help with limited English, guiding me a bit further to my destination. 

The last person I approached was an older man on a bike. Communication was a combo of Italian, English, some hand gestures and my map. He was thankfully able to point me in the right direction, and off I went again. Thankfully he watched and followed after me when I veered the wrong way at the end of the block, (the street had split, one of those fork in the road moments). I was redirected and made it to my meeting point with a combination of running, jogging and speed walking. I made it just in the nick of time, most likely looking like a crazy tourist along the way.

Imagine being in a different country and foreign city by yourself. Add in massive crowds of tourists almost everywhere you go. It can feel chaotic at times and also have a beautiful flow of movement and synchronicity when you stop to breath it all in and appreciate life and how we all contribute.

In Florence the vehicles move around differently, with pedestrians and traffic merging together at times. Designated crossing areas with lights are available at times, but don't always need to be followed. Pedestrians crossing against lights could be locals or tourists, so watch, learn, have respect and apply common sense.

Awareness is needed  as is the ability to make adjustments on the go. Following directions is even more challenging because signage which is usually found on the side of a building can be faded or difficult to locate, or not even present at all. Some streets are straight, many curve or angled and often split into two streets. Unfamiliar sights, sounds, smells and languages are everywhere.

I remember feeling my anxiety start to climb and stress levels rise as I became aware I was temporarily lost in a foreign city, on my own and the clock was ticking. I also remember feeling a strong sense of determination! It was able to stop and breathe momentarily, making mental and emotional adjustments while in motion and ask for help. It was that awareness and ability to make adjustments along the way that helped me to regain some control over the situation. Setting aside my fear and asking for help numerous times is what got me to my destination. 

As I sat on the bus enjoying the relief of having made it and ready to enjoy the day ahead, I thought back to the past 45 minutes. Sparring came to mind right away. Wow, I had made use of the many lessons and tools sparring provides. Stay calm, breathe, assess, recalculate, make adjustments in the moment, be decisive, be proactive and make use of your environment. 

I also learned more about myself, what I'm capable of and expanded my bubble. And I practiced my sparring which I know has helped to stretch and strengthen the lessons taught and I've gained more appreciation. Thank you again to my Kung Fu training. Sparring can be applied to many things. An adversary/opponent could be a person, place or thing. It can also be a battle with myself or often all of the above. Having this experience is an expansion of knowledge, perception, ability and self.

*Numbers to follow next week.

Traveling Lighter

I’m currently enjoying the beautiful city of Venice and the surrounding islands. It was a bit of a challenge to get here after flight delays and then having our Toronto to Venice flight completely cancelled. There were baggage issues, a night spent in a Toronto hotel and the hassle of trying to rebook a flight that would get us to Venice and our ship in time. With everything going on my travel companion made the decision to not continue and go back home, which leaves me traveling on my own.

Fast forward 5 days and my luggage has still not arrived. It was flown to Paris and then Venice 2 days ago and is now with a courier, but still hasn’t been delivered. ‘This is the day’ has been my moto for the past 3 days and still no luck. I’ve been very patient and calm until yesterday afternoon when I returned from an outing and the luggage had not arrived.

What does this have to do with Kung Fu? Pretty much everything. With the luggage issue I’ve been able to stay calm, and focus on what is important so I can enjoy my trip. It’s amazing how little one can do without. I’m managing issues, figuring out how to get from point A to point B, and adjusting to being on my own while in Italy. 

I’ve stepped out of my social bubble and met new people everyday, getting to know wonderful guests. Stepping into the dining room on the first night by myself was difficult and also the beginning of a wonderful week. 

The continuing story of my delayed luggage is the talk of the ship, having only minimum clothes to work with. Over the past few days I’ve been able to find 2 new bottoms to mix and match with the 2 shirts I have. The frustration and disappointment did get to me at one point and a guest was very kind to lend me a dress to wear the next day. 

Patience is a word I’ve heard repeated many times this week. I don’t think of it as being patient though, for me it’s more about enjoying the trip, the destination and the people. Making the choice to be in the moment has helped immensely. I’m taking sights, sounds and smells in and breathing mindfully. The luggage will eventually sort itself out. Only I have control over myself and how I react and respond to a situation. 

I’ve learned I can pack smarter and am very capable of packing much lighter. I even ventured out into Venice on my own without getting lost in search of a few more items of clothing, as it’s looking like my luggage may not catch up with me before I disembark. 

In addition to all this, there will be scheduled air, rail and bus transportation strikes for the next 3 days, potentially affecting my train to Florence on the 8th. I have to tell myself it’s all an opportunity to make adjustments, see what I’m capable of and increase my knowledge in the world of travel. And through all of this, take advantage of being in the moment and enjoy life and my experiences.

Are You Sure?

 All of us are only human, and we have wrong perceptions every day. Our spouse or partner is also subject to wrong perceptions, so we must help each other to see more clearly and more deeply. We should not trust our perceptions too much – that is something the Buddha taught. "Are you sure of your perceptions?" he asked us. I urge you to write this phrase down on a card and put it up on the wall of your room: "Are you sure of your perceptions?"

There is a river of perceptions in you. You should sit down on the bank of this river and contemplate your perceptions. Most of our perceptions, the Buddha said, are false. Are you sure of your perceptions? This question is addressed to you. It is a bell of mindfulness."

– Thich Nhat Hanh

I feel this blends perfectly with my Kung fu as it changes and evolves. And it serves as a reminder when I am doing a form or technique that feels great to practice exercising my limited perceptions. 

There is aways room for growth and expansion when I keep an open mind and an open heart.

Unexpected Challenge

During Thursday nights class we were challenged to do our weapon form in a 4 - 6 ft square space. My space was 4 ft square and with my straight sword measuring about 2 feet long it took up half the area.  Moving through my form I was able to adjust stances and even switch leads to keep my feet within the space. Keeping my body within the square was doable, my sword however was still a problem and encroached on more space outside of the square than I felt was acceptable. So I turned my focus to the sword and worked on ways to keep the sword within the allotted space as well. This was even more challenging as it required making adjustments 1 or 2 moves ahead. 

The lesson was much different from training at home in a confined space and yet very much the same. At home I feel restricted because I'm trying to keep 100% true to the footwork within the sequence of a form. With Thursday's lesson I was contained, but didn't feel restricted. So what changed? The difference was mindset and perspective. I felt challenged in an environment geared towards learning and of course there was the desire to not stab my neighbour. 

I learned I thrive in an atmosphere of challenge where the opponent is myself and I learned my ability is greater than I realized. Knowledge and skill surfaced. I was able to make the necessary adjustments and move as needed. I was almost surprised at how doable it was to adjust for a much smaller area and I found myself really enjoying the lesson. Now I need to fine tune and develop flow, which will come with practice.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 760/26650
Hand form: 18/366
Weapon form: 16/393
KM: 31/867
AOK: 24/855
Sparring: 6/145
Blogs: 1/33
Yoga: 30/13.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 13/489
MM:20/640

Time Well Spent

My time is always well spent attending 2nd degree brown belt class. I gain insights and almost always leave feeling like I've added some fuel to my motivation tank. The class is an opportunity for me to stay connected, learn and reinforce existing knowledge.

These moments inspire and motivate me, even if it is only for brief moments of time. Even the small efforts build to become solid foundations. All it takes is a seemingly simple conversation or interaction with like minded people. I'm learning more and more it is not about focusing on what you aren't doing and more about focusing on what you can do and doing it. 

This past Saturday was no exception and I've compiled some notes and take aways to help create better sign posts for my journey and potentially others as well. 

Begin Anew - Stop looking towards the future to begin anew. Stop wasting time and apply this to every  day and every moment of the day. 

Start now! Take action, initiate!

Recognize and take advantage of opportunities - Thursday was a great example of this. I had briefly considered not going to the Kwoon last Thursday night. It had been a difficult day and I was tired both physically and emotionally. I knew with it being an informal class time I would have the opportunity to do some training and after a brief mental battle, I grabbed my bag and delivered myself to the Kwoon. The positive energy and having all that space to move was wonderful!

Smile - I can create joy, happiness and positivity in my life with a simple smile. I challenge everyone to smile just because and be aware of the feeling it gives. For me it is an instant feeling of joy, awareness and being 100% in the moment. So why don't I do this all the time? Hmm, I'm going to add a smile into my mindful moments throughout the day.

Be in the moment!

Fix inconsistency, look for ways to apply yourself - This connects perfectly with all of the above. Taking advantage of opportunities, beginning anew, initiating and smiling more are great ideals to work towards and build consistency.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 940/25890
Hand form: 15/348
Weapon form: 14/377
KM: 37/836
AOK: 23/831
Sparring: 3/139
Blogs: 2/32
Yoga: 30/13 hrs
Tai Chi: 15/476
MM:17/620

Unexpected Inspiration

I found some inspiration this morning while listening to the radio. There are some songs that just make me feel like dancing and that is what I did. And as I was moving to the music I felt motivated to do Da Mu Hsing 1 & 2. I've done forms to music many times and always enjoyed trying different songs. This time however I focused on doing the form as more of a dance with less stops and starts. To do this I found myself adding more sway of the hips and concentrated piecing techniques together to create better flow for a more dance like effect. 

The next song was slower with a different beat which changed things up nicely. With both the fast and slow song there were times I was exaggerating some moves and smooshing others out. There were some glitches and a few restarts, but overall felt really good. I felt more relaxed and connected internally. There was a better awareness of expansion and contraction happening. I can see this being very beneficial as a tool to help with motivation and increasing movement from my core, further developing fluidity. I believe this also has the potential to increase power and speed further down the road.

Song 1 - Crabbuckit by Good Lovelies

This worked well with Da Mu Hsing and Lao Gar. 18 Temple Motions was ok and Long was a challenge.

 Song 2 - Good Luck, Babe by Chappell Roan

This worked well with Da Mu Hsing. I plan to try it out with some of the other forms as well. 

I'm looking forward to making use of both these songs as I dance my way through my forms. 

Not 100%

I've not been feeling 100% myself lately. There is some melancholy that lies just below the surface of my being and this has caused a decrease in energy and my level of engagement to change. I'm still participating but don't always feel I'm fully there. Most likely this is some mild depression I'm dealing with again.

My first coarse of action has been to identify and sort out the underlying issues that have contributed to this current state. I've given this some thought and have some ideas. Not everything is in my control, but I can work on my perceptions and continue to practice gratitude. In addition, I'm focusing on myself and increasing my commitment when it comes to taking care of my mental, emotional and physical health, one day at a time.

Nothing is forever. This too, shall pass.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 990/24950
Hand form: 12/333
Weapon form: 11/363
KM: 43/799
AOK: 30/808
Sparring: 0/136
Blogs: 1/30
Yoga: 30/12.5hrs
Tai Chi: 17/461
MM:22/603

Canada Day - Dragon Dance

This blog is difficult for me to write and I debated with myself if I should post this publicly. As you can see I decided to add the blog for everyone to read as it is honest and gives a more complete view of my journey.

The dragon dance during our Canada Day demonstration was very challenging for me. I had a similar experience last year at Shikaoi park doing the dragon dance. I had chalked it up at the time to the very small space, tight corners, obstacles and knee issues. 

I wasn’t overly concerned about this years outdoor demo as I remembered it being flat with more space to move around. What I hadn’t factored in was the wind. That wind played havoc. It was like being attached to a large kite that wanted to take flight and fighting both hands and feet with every step.

There is no stopping when you're in the middle of a live dragon dance performance. Each of us 9 dragon dancers is counting on each other.  I remember a moment feeling like I was on the edge, and knowing this is a make it or break it situation. So even though there was a moment where I didn't think I could continue and worried about loosing my footing or my grip, I dug deep! I had to, there was no other choice. So many thoughts, awareness and actions had to take place in a very brief time while on the move. My legs and feet began to feel like lead weights so I focused on controlling my breathing and taking deeper breaths. I also worked on picking up my feet more all while staying aware of the sequence and switching hands as needed. It was a combination of determination and self preservation and not wanting to let down the team that helped me to complete the dragon dance.

After we finished the dragon dance I really wanted to fall down onto the ground huffing and puffing in exhaustion. Instead I sat on the bench for a few seconds controlled my breathing and mentally prepared myself to get up and do my hand form. I had to take all that physical and mental chaos and switch gears to perform Tai Chi. 

Overall the day was a combination of challenges, both mental and physical, some great team bonding and greatness from everyone that took part that day.

I know the safest choice for me and the rest of the dragon dancers is to no longer take part in outdoor events. I plan to still practice indoors and hopefully take part during indoor performances. And who knows maybe an outdoor dragon dance will be doable in the future.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 850/23960
Hand form: 13/321
Weapon form: 14/352
KM: 27/755
AOK: 29/778
Sparring: 6/136
Blogs: 1/29
Yoga: 30/12hrs
Tai Chi: 16/444
MM:19/581

Chinese Straight Sword

My straight sword form has been progressing very slowly these last 2 months and my goal is to learn all 32 combinations of movements by the end of the year. I had found a great video, but then ran into a section that was hard to make sense of all the transitions involved in completing a 360 degree change in direction. 1 step forward, 2 steps back and some self inflicted stuck in one place issues.

What I have learned is I need to commit to more time to learning the form and pushing through when I encounter challenging sections. It feels all consuming at times and there is the probability for other things to be dropped as a result. Maybe that is what needs to happen until I get a flow going and then I can figure out some sort of balance.

There are numerous videos to choose and learn from and I’ve narrowed down my resources to 3. I have moved on from the initial video I had been learning from and am using a second video with better angles and footwork to follow. There are also some minor variances throughout the 2nd video which I found frustrating at first. I quickly realized this is to be expected. 

The Yang style 32 short form was developed in the 1950's and over the years personal style and interpretation has created variations in the form. At the core there is a foundation of concepts, techniques and patterns to learn. My intent is to stay true to the integrity of the form as it was originally developed as best as I can. I feel the weight of responsibility in staying true to the form and excitement as I learn and grow with the form, finding my own art/style within the form.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1100/23110
Hand form: 3//308
Weapon form: 13/338
KM: 34/762
AOK: 28/749
Sparring: 0/130
Blogs: 2/28
Yoga: 30/11.5hrs
Tai Chi: 15/443
MM:22/562

Motivation

I read an article recently about motivation. It’s always good to reacquaint myself with the dos, don’ts and how-tos as I often struggle with staying motivated. What stood out for me is the author noted the importance of not letting more than 1 day go by without doing even just a small portion of your daily routine/numbers. I know from experience if I allow more and more days to pass by with out re-engaging, the mountain starts to feel bigger and further away. It’s much easier to re-engage after missing just 1 day.

Getting back on track this past week was a priority and thinking back to what I had read helped me to re-engage as needed. Keeping this in mind motivated me to push myself and I was able to finish the week with improvements in some areas compared to the previous week. The heat is still slowing me down so I will continue to find ways to make adjustments and stay engaged.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 800/22010
Hand form: 11/305
Weapon form: 7/325
KM: 41/728
AOK: 27/721
Sparring: 10/130
Blogs: 1/26
Yoga: 0/11hrs
Tai Chi: 13/428
MM:17/540

Asleep & Falling - Kung Fu Takes Over

Something interesting happened to me while I was sleeping last night. 

As we all know it was another hot night and with no air conditioning to help cool things off I rely on my portable fan along with the furnace fan to draw up some cool air from the basement. After tossing and turning with little luck I decided to try laying on my stomach. Sleeping on my stomach used to be my go to position many years ago, but is no longer comfortable. After adding a few small pillows to support my back and my left arm I found a comfortable position and finally drifted off to sleep. 

What I didn't expect to happen was falling out of bed. LOL! What? How'd that happen?

I remember dreaming about being asleep and in my dream, thinking about needing to wake up and get out of bed. My dream self was telling me to get up, but I was so comfortable! Get up, do it! The dream actually propelled me for real to roll over and get up out of bed. And suddenly I felt myself falling. In this partially awake state my Kung Fu training took over. I was aware of the need to avoid hitting my head on the corner of the night stand as I tumbled out of bed. (I'm always amazed at how time seems to slow down in certain circumstances while everything around us is occurring at normal speed.) I'm not 100% clear as to what I did as I fell. My best recollection is turning my head slightly and putting up my hands to guard and protect.

After landing with a thud, I picked myself up and did a body check. I had managed to avoid the corner of the stand but still smacked my head somewhat. Awareness, control and response time all helped to lessen potential injury. I though briefly about taking some Advil just in case. Instead I crawled back into bed and took a few moments to send healing energy to the achy left side of my head. I woke up in the morning with no apparent negative effects from the fall.

I still chuckle to myself as I recall falling out of bed and am thankful for my Kung Fu training.

*Will post numbers with the intended post I had started the day before.

Slow Going

Oh, what a week! 

It's been overly hot which I have found challenging to even think about exerting myself physically. In addition to the heat I've been recovering from an outpatient procedure that has messed up my schedule and routine. And to top it off I've been struggling with my quality of sleep, all resulting in too many 'rest days' this week! 

Even though I didn't make great progress this week with my numbers I still had some positive moments and outcomes:

With the hot hot weather I was motivated to adjust my morning routine and get out for a walk most days, which I very much enjoyed.

After 2 weeks of not doing any Yoga I actually made time for some this week. 

Dealing with a few grumpy customers this week reminded me to not take things personally. I don't need to take on their bad attitude, rushed or tired energy. I can instead treat them with kindness and empathy and apply that same kindness, empathy and understanding to myself and others when encountering challenging interactions. 

I did some more teaching this week in the Young Dragons class. I love being able to focus on a smaller group of students and sections of forms and am learning to adapt to the needs of the students. Towards the end of class a student from my group surprised me by putting his hand up and answering questions correctly. He had been more engaged than I gave him credit for. I learned getting through to a student may not be obvious in the moment or even present itself as the intended outcome. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 250/21210
Hand form: 2/294
Weapon form: 6/318
KM: 34/687
AOK: 36/694
Sparring: 2/120
Blogs: 1/25
Yoga: 30/11hrs
Tai Chi: 18/415
MM:18/523

Honest With Myself

During last weeks meeting, Sifu Rybak talked about being honest with ourselves. Up, down, coasting or somewhere in between?

Regular blogging and recording of personal goals, team requirements and general training has helped me to focus on my steps forward and my successes. While this has been very beneficial especially during times of stress it has also produced a bit of tunnel vision validating my current path.

Being honest with myself can be challenging. I can be too hard on myself or too easy on myself. I can spin things many ways. What is truth, wishful thinking or ego inserting itself? And if it is too uncomfortable or feels like more effort than I have mental or physical energy for, I just pack it away into a closet, turn off the light and close the door. 

Obviously I don't shove everything into the closet. There always seems to be something I'm working at improving or learning and pushing myself, and that is very positive. If I'm being honest with myself, taking advantage of available time and making better use of my time is an area I struggle with. Lots of ups and downs in this area and room for improvement.

I'm thinking it would be a good idea to start adding more information when recording and tracking my numbers each day. An additional record of what I've done to expand myself, illuminating and cleaning out my closet. Keeping positivity and gratitude in front of me while recognizing weaknesses and areas for improvements. 

My ability and willingness to be honest with myself got a boost in the right direction and my closet got a little bit brighter.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 760/20960
Hand form: 5/292
Weapon form: 12/312
KM: 30/653
AOK: 26/658
Sparring: 0/118
Blogs: 1/24
Yoga: 0/10.5hrs
Tai Chi: 17/397
MM:18/505

Mindful Walking

I knew going into the long weekend and spending a couple of days camping I would need to change up how I incorporated Kung Fu into my days. Practicing mindfulness while enjoying nature and getting in some extra steps was at the top of the list. And as I was out and about on the trails I realized there was another opportunity to apply a recent lesson to my walking. 

On the 1st day while walking I focused on my core and staying centered. What I found is my legs were not having to do the majority of the work and my upper body was feeling a bit more relaxed while still being engaged, causing less energy needing to be expelled. The best way to describe how I felt and how my body moved is 'more efficient.' 

On the 2nd day I hadn't slept well and was feeling tired so being mindful of engaging my core while on a long walk was more challenging. I did have moments though where everything clicked. There were even a few times when I felt taller while also feeling centered and grounded. An interesting feeling!

My goal with this is to continue to work on engaging my core, develop consistency and have it become a natural way of moving and apply it to my forms. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 940/20200
Hand form: 9/287
Weapon form: 22/300
KM: 35/623
AOK: 31/632
Sparring: 0/118
Blogs: 1/23
Yoga: 0/10.5hrs
Tai Chi: 18/380
MM:23/487

Crossroads - Teaching

At times I feel grounded and then there are times when I don't.

I've built consistency into my life and yet lately I feel I lack consistency.

I'm also struggling and thriving at the same time.

It feels like I have reached a crossroads, a time of decisive action.

 - There are two paths to choose from. I know the path I need and want to travel. It is the one with the big sign pointing towards mastery. The twisty, winding road with hidden corners and obstacles. I know it is also the path with people cheering me on and leads me to even more personal growth.

- The other path that calls to me is welcoming and warm, but I know it stops short of really going anywhere. It is easy street, making false promises. In fact it is really just a facade for mediocrity.

Both paths run side by side and I find myself stepping from one to the other, being pulled towards mediocrity. The thing is I've been on the path towards mastery for quite some time now, working at reducing mediocrity in my life. I know I will continue on this path. Why then do I feel myself pulled towards mediocrity? The reason is I've reached a different level of discomfort and uncertainty causing internal struggle. I'm on the correct path, but am having trouble putting one foot in front of the other. There have been days where I've taken steps or even leaps forward and other days where I feel rooted in place or going backwards. Hmm..., similar to working on and progressing in our forms. 

As I falter and struggle there is a part of me that propels me forward in the right direction. It can be downright exhausting to have this inherent awareness of the pitfalls of mediocrity and the drive to travel the difficult and challenging path. I also know the benefits and personal growth are huge which is why I can't help but choose the correct path.

Mediocrity can be very enticing. I have more than enough in my life already without knowingly choosing additional mediocrity!

As I write this I already have a plan of action to help me forge ahead and continue my journey on the path towards mastery. It is going to take some planning, time and effort to achieve my goal and I know the resulting success will be worth it.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 910/19260
Hand form: 10/278
Weapon form: 1/278
KM: 37/588
AOK: 31/601
Sparring: 0/118
Blogs: 1/22
Yoga: 0/10.5hrs
Tai Chi: 18/362
MM:25/464

Thankful for Kung Fu

I am a thinker often standing back watching, which can lead to procrastination. I'm also a doer, forging ahead getting things done. There is a constant Yin/Yang aspect of my being that requires awareness so I can make the necessary adjustments to bring things into balance.

Currently I'm on the verge of a much needed adjustment. My evenings outside of kung fu have been full of mediocrity and have become much too comfortable. And yet without mediocrity where would growth originate from? When Stuart Emery talks about embracing ordinariness I understand the potential for mastery. Developing awareness of our faults/ordinariness, being mindful and striving to be and do better can be difficult and exciting.

Thank goodness for kung fu! I have a record of where I'm at and what I'm doing. I know despite my faults I am moving forward. And helping out in classes continues to push me out of my comfort zone. I don't necessarily want to stretch my bubble, but I know I need to. Kung fu helps me to battle my inner laziness, combats procrastination, builds discipline and gives my life more meaning. 

As soon as I start to play it safe or become too comfortable I know it's time to shake things up. Now it's time to make some changes to my evening routine. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1170/18350
Hand form: 13/268
Weapon form: 16/276
KM: 29/550
AOK: 28/570
Sparring: 20/118
Blogs: 1/21
Yoga: 30/10.5hrs
Tai Chi: 21/320
MM:26/413

My Plateau

I've come to a plateau.

This is not the first plateau I've come to and it won't be the last. My ego tells me this is a restful and easy place to be. My ego also tells me I can do better, I should be pushing myself to climb above the plateau. 

Interestingly, I believe this plateau is exactly where I am currently mean't to be. I'm in a place of learning, uncertainty and discovery. This plateau is a necessary and essential part of my journey towards mastery.

Until now I've not given much thought to what happens in between mediocrity and mastery. I've simply followed the IHC program as best as I can. Utilizing the many valuable tools has helped me to build discipline, self reflection and work towards developing a mastery mindset. I've come to a point where I need more.

I have the word 'mediocrity' and the word 'mastery' in my toolbox and I have a pretty good understanding of both. So what then is a word that helps to bridge the gap from one to the other? And why is this important?

1. It is important because it will help me to have a deeper understanding of what it takes to bridge the gap from one to the other. Another tool to add to my toolbox.

2. The word I discovered and settled on is 'commitment'! Again, interesting because the knowing was already there, just a bit fuzzy. It seems I needed to figure it out in my head for myself and make it my own. 

When I think about being on a plateau and wondering if I've allowed mediocrity in, I can stop to consider my level of commitment and engagement. And if I'm still learning, discovering and failing or succeeding I am still on a path towards mastery. 

Regardless of where my trajectory is at, my level of engagement and commitment is a pretty good measure of where I am and what I'm doing. I can then ask myself if it is effortless effort or mindful effort? And when I stop to assess where I am at, I can make adjustments up or down as needed or continue the current pace. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1100/17180
Hand form: 20/255
Weapon form: 11/260
KM: 32/522
AOK: 30/542
Sparring: 5/98
Blogs: 1/20
Yoga: 30/10hrs
Tai Chi: 21/320
MM:26/413

Post Tiger Challenge

The Tiger Challenge is often a much needed motivation tool for me. Something I never really considered before is the momentum it creates afterwards as well. With the stress of the tournament over, I've been able to carry some of that momentum over into my daily training. What worked really well for me this week was training in the morning before I continued on with the rest of my day. 

The summer months can be a distraction and keeping up with personal and team requirements can be challenging. This past week showed me how perfect a morning routine can be. Prior to this week, I've been unsure as to how I would be able to maintain my training during these next few months.

I know a morning training routine works for me, I just can't seem to keep it up throughout the year. So maybe what will work is a morning routine during the summer months and a training routine throughout the day for the winter months. I'm slowly learning the rhythms of my life and when and how to make adjustments.

 Sometimes it is much needed momentum that helps to provide clarity and additional motivation.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1100/16100
Hand form: 11/235
Weapon form: 14/249
KM: 40/490
AOK: 28/512
Sparring: 2/93
Blogs: 1/19
Yoga: 30/9.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 17/299
MM:27/387

Discombobulated!

I've had a week of feeling off. A bit of irritability, impatience, anxiety and generally out of sorts. Some of these feelings can be attributed to work and some are a result of the Tiger Challenge. 

The Tiger Challenge is always a mix of emotions for me. This year there were extra layers of going out of my comfort zone as I would be competing in the blackbelt division for the first time and most likely in a role of judging events.

In the Young Dragons class this week I was given the opportunity to be a centre judge in a sparring ring. Watching and doing are very different and most of what I thought I knew left my brain. I fumbled a lot, but did ok. I felt bad that Todai Poonie injured her shin in the last match which left me thinking I could have maybe prevented the injury. 

During a conversation with Sihing Logan Ward, he commented that the student gained a valuable lesson and will have benefited from the injury. When he pointed that out I was able to remove the focus from myself and see the whole picture - student and instructor both learning. I didn't get to see Todai Poonie compete in the Tiger Challenge, but I did see she competed and earned a medal in sparring.

Knowing this would be a stressful week with the upcoming Tiger Challenge I planned for extra self care. The extra yoga sessions and Qi Gong throughout the week helped to mitigate anxiety and stress. I would also remind myself to put things into perspective when I found myself starting to get wound up.

Another Tiger Challenge has come and gone and I stepped out of my comfort zone. I competed in the blackbelt division for the first time and acted as a judge in the level 2 Teen/Adult division. I am less focused on the medals earned or not earned and more focused on the personal wins.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 700/15000
Hand form: 9/224
Weapon form: 19/235
KM: 22/450
AOK: 28/484
Sparring: 2/91
Blogs: 1/18
Yoga: 1/9 hrs
Tai Chi: 23/282
MM:17/360

Mixed Emotions

Some wisdom from Seth Godin 

_The moments when it’s the most difficult to be kind are the moments where it matters the most._

Sifu Brinker posted this recently and it really resonates with me. It brings to mind a recent event providing an example of a moment that was difficult and provided an opportunity for mindful kindness.

I recently made the conscious choice to give my brother Kevin a hug! As I initiated the hug I remember thinking this is a fellow human being that most likely has not felt a warm physical connection with another person for a very long time and how sad that is. Given our history a hug was not top of my list of things to do, but I knew the difference and importance a simple hug could make. 

To put this into context both my brothers emotionally and financially abused my dad while living with him and Kevin had made serious threats to me and other family members resulting in a protection order against him. It wasn't until we got both brothers off the property and sold dad's acreage that things began to settle down. 

Dad hears from both of them occasionally and has had no further issues. Even though things have settled down, I know all that can change quite quickly. There is a pattern of behavior to keep in mind so I'm happy to keep my distance while monitoring the situation.

3 weeks ago Kevin appeared at my dad’s apartment with no where to go. Initially he just needed to stay 1 night and then attend court in Stony Plain the next morning. He was apologetic and sounding more reasonable than he had in a long time and had no where else to go. (He had been kicked out of his lodging the previous day)

Seeing him in person and talking with him after more than a year was a bit uncomfortable at first. During our initial conversation he mentioned he had made some personal connections in Alberta Beach area and wanted to continue to live there which really stood out for me. His life for the past 10 years had revolved around playing video games and listening to conspiracy podcasts with very little human interaction other than immediate family. Making social connections was a huge step forward for him and I saw that as a sign of hope.

The initial 1 night became another night and another and so on. I certainly didn't love the idea of Kevin staying for longer. I weighed past behaviours, his current emotional state, dad's well being and need to help and my own humanity. Knowing when and how to help without enabling can be challenging. That is where empathy, compassion and realistic expectations come into play. I also have a good understanding of each of us needing to walk our own paths.

The situation was not ideal and created some additional stress for dad and myself. We were waiting on a psych assessment to be done that had been ordered by the court. These things tend to take longer than expected so Kevin continued to sleep on dad's couch. At one point he left for a few days and then he came back, causing a few problems along the way. The psych assessment finally got done and Kevin is on medication which will hopefully help to even out his moods and allow him to function better in society.

 I was able to find my brother a place to stay short term in Alberta Beach that will hopefully help him to continue building relationships and dad is paying for most of the cost until subsidized housing gets processed and put in place. A big part of all of this is Kevin wants to be a functioning part of society with personal connections and is open to help. I put in some time and effort to not only help my brother but also help my dad who was becoming more and more stressed with Kevin and his current situation. 

Empathy, compassion and forgiveness come much easier to me than say 10 or even five years ago. I contribute this to Kung Fu and to all the mindful blogging I've done over the years. Because of this I also find it easier to let go and practice forgiveness. 

I believe there is even greater potential for positive ripples in the world when kindness takes place during difficult moments.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1150/14300
Hand form: 10/215
Weapon form: 14/216
KM: 30/427
AOK: 20/456
Sparring: 2/89
Blogs: 1/17
Yoga: 30/8hr
Tai Chi: 24/259
MM:24/343

The Magic

I can recall numerous times in the past where an instructor would tell me to not overthink and just let my body move naturally. These conversations usually took place when I was having trouble remembering a sequence in an application. I struggled with applying the advice as I had trouble get past the need to do everything correctly.

Fast forward to Tuesday nights class. This is where the magic happened!

We worked on an application with a partner with the intent of applying an earlier lesson of the night. And as I stood in front of my partner, I was having trouble figuring out what lead to be in and deciding whether or not I should be projecting forward. It was a familiar application that I hadn’t done in a while and I wanted to get right. After a few mediocre attempts my focus shifted to the lesson of the night. As I applied our concepts of form to the application - bam, magic happened. My body moved through the sequence naturally and suddenly my feet and body did what they needed to do. I wasn’t worried about how to step or thinking about which foot went where. 

After going back and forth a few times I quickly realized that I was getting caught up with the ease and  flow of the sequence. I still needed to be aware of my intent and survive the initial attack. Afterwards this got me to thinking about flow and the role intent plays when trying to develop flow in our forms. The knowledge and lessons have always been there and through a sequence of events my understanding of flow has expanded and will help me as I continue to work on flow within my forms.

After all those years of being told not to overthink, I finally get it.  

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 905/13150
Hand form: 9/205
Weapon form: 14/202
KM: 28/397
AOK: 34/436
Sparring: 5/87
Blogs: 1/16
Yoga: 0/7.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 16/235
MM:25/319

Struggling and Progressing

I am struggling and at the same time progressing. 

Even though I’m not completely on track, I am completing a decent amount of push-ups and sit-ups and am blogging faithfully. I also keep track of the other aspects of my training at home to have a broader picture of where I am and what I’m doing.

My hand form and weapon form are where I'm struggling the most. If I push myself to do more reps my knees suffer as a result. I really just want to be able to flow through a complete form without having stability issues and glitches because of my knees. My struggles are physical and mental/emotional. I have a few ideas why this has become more of an issue and am working through some things.

When I stop to consider all the moving parts of my life, efforts applied and overall engagement I should be happy with what I see. And for the most part I am. The problem is I'm also aware of lost opportunities and time wasted. 

Diet and sleep are big contributors to my overall well-being so I've restarted and am more mindful of my choices when it come to what I put into my body. Sugar is a big one for me. I seem to fight this battle over and over again. I do very well for a period of time and then I fall off the wagon. It's the winter months that tend to create havoc with my willpower. 

There has also been some added stress due to a challenging family dynamic. It’s surprising how easily good habits like healthy eating, gratitude, meditation and yoga can slide away when stressors start to build. Even though I've experience this happening I also recognized more and more moments where I consciously make positive choices. Choices that eliminate mediocrity in that moment and are building blocks towards mastery.

I feel this is a pivotal time in my training and an opportunity to define myself as a martial artist. It may not happen in one day or even one week, but I'm confident it will happen. And while my knees may cause me to be frustrated at times I'm also excited because I know there will be progression and a stronger sense of direction. I'm looking forward to seeing where this journey takes me. 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1050/12245
Hand form: 3/196
Weapon form: 9/188
KM: 42/369
AOK: 29/402
Sparring: 0/82
Blogs: 1/15
Yoga: 30/7.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 23/219
MM:24/294

IHC Games = Sparring

Sifu Rybak often has us playing some type of interactive game that on the surface helps to build team spirit while also having underlying purpose and benefits.

The game we played Thursday night was for the most part enjoyable. However It didn’t take long for me to start feel stressed as multiple bean bags were being randomly tossed. I’ve never like having objects hurtling through space with me as the target, intended or not. 

And then for an extra layer of fun/challenge we were told to only look when throwing to our target, otherwise eyes were to remain down at a spot ahead, relying on our peripheral vision and awareness. This is where my instinct to turtle/and close my eyes really wanted to asserted itself. I think I may have even closed my eyes at one point. Hmmm, not so good.

As I reflected on my thoughts and feelings afterwards,  I found myself comparing the experience to sparring. What was most interesting was I actually feeling a shift in my perception of sparring. I'm not 100% sure I would pick sparring over the bean bag activity, but they are much closer than I would have thought prior to Thursday.

My thought process went something like this:

The wide open circle of multiple people with beans bags coming from random directions contained too many unknowns and variables. Where, when, accuracy of each throw and how many to keep track of was more than my brain wanted to take on.

When sparring a single opponent, my focus is narrowed down to a single individual and a much smaller area of awareness. I feel there is more potential for control and fewer variables. The unknowns are still there and adjustments still need to be made quickly and intuitively. This is something that can be practiced and skill developed over time. 

Even though the activity was mostly about awareness and reflexes,  I gained an appreciation for sparring. For the first time I'm beginning to understand more of the mental aspect of sparring as it applies to me, which I think will help me as I continue to work towards becoming more comfortable with sparring.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 850/11195
Hand form: 9/193
Weapon form: 14/179
KM: 23/327
AOK: 24/373
Sparring: 11/82
Blogs: 1/14
Yoga: 30/7 hrs
Tai Chi: 14/196
MM:25/270

Playing it Safe

 For the most part I'm engaged, motivated and often feel inspired by others around me. I'm learning new forms, I've encountered challenges along the way and worked through those challenges. And yet at the same time my Kung Fu has become somewhat routine. It doesn't feel effortless, but it does feel like I've been 'playing it safe'. If I'm truthful with myself I have started to feel this over the past few weeks and ignored it because I was enjoying this new more enjoyable pace. I became comfortable. Mediocrity slowly and methodically inserted itself into my life. I allowed myself to focus on what I was doing, without looking too closely at that which was not being addressed or worked on. 

I'm not someone that loves to blog and it can be a challenge for me to collect my many thoughts, peel through the layers and weave everything together. I have experienced the value this tool holds so I push myself to blog weekly, adding in an extra one occasionally when something pops into my head. For me blogging along with the pushups helps to anchor me. Without blogging regularly I know I wouldn't be where I am today. 

This got me to thinking about the areas I not pushing myself, and I started to ask myself where am I playing it safe? Why am I able to push myself to blog and yet choose to not apply myself to other challenging or difficult requirements and opportunities? 

The biggest contributing factor to me 'playing it safe' right now is not knowing how to start teaching when I'm helping out in the kids classes. I generally do ok with a small group of students or even better with just one. And as I write this I can feel my anxiety begin to increase just thinking about teaching. I could just rip the bandaid off, but I'm not sure that is the best approach for me at this time. It looks like I have some questions to ask.

Sparring is another area I need to spend more time focusing on. I had gained some ground last year when we spent time sparring in class and was beginning to feel less nervous. Then it tapered off and there were other things to concentrate on. With the Tiger challenge coming up and again sparring more in classes, I've been able to get in more practice. Surprisingly the sparring we did a couple of weeks ago in black belt class went much better than I expected and provided some great lessons and opportunities.

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1075/10345
Hand form: 18/184
Weapon form: 20/165
KM: 35/304
AOK: 34/349
Sparring: 12/71
Blogs: 1/13
Yoga: 30/6.5 hrs
Tai Chi: 24/182
MM:25/245

Love What You Do!

Early in my training it was commitment, and a subconscious awareness of the intrinsic value that Kung Fu brought to my life, which helped to make it a priority. As time passed, I progressed as a student and became a more active participant in life. This developed into a more conscious awareness of the value of training at Silent River Kung Fu. My appreciation, understanding and love of Kung Fu evolved and expanded over time.

Open training currently only happens once a month and is an opportunity that I rarely miss. Each time I participate I'm reminded how much I enjoy the extra time training in the Kwoon and interacting with other students. By the time 12:00 rolls around I'm find myself wanting/needing just 30 more minutes. This past Saturday was no exception. 

Collaborating with Sihing Bjorkquist and Sihing Kohut to create a new form for the Tiger Challenge, helping other students with their forms, sparring drills with Todai Ferris, working on the broadsword and  the Chinese straight sword all contributed to another great open training day. 

Perspective helps me to understand where and how to balance my commitments and love of Kung Fu into other aspects of my life. And I'm able to prioritize Kung Fu without unnecessarily sacrificing family or friends and work commitments. 

There are components of Kung Fu I don't love like sparring for example, but I still work to improve my  confidence and become more comfortable in those areas. The subsequent value I get from applying myself to a fear or weakness is often huge. 

I don't always love everything I'm doing, but overall I love what I do!  

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 1130/9270
Hand form: 30/166
Weapon form: 19/145
KM: 36/269
AOK: 38/315
Sparring: 26/59
Blogs: 1/12
Yoga: 0/6 hrs
Tai Chi: 19/158
MM:30/220

Value and The Ripple Effect

I remember meeting my friend Linda for the first time as we stood next to each other in line, waiting to register at the old high school in Stony Plain. We were both new to the area and didn't know anyone. It was the beginning of a new friendship which very quickly grew to include a great group of friends lasting throughout our high school years and beyond. 

Linda and I remained friends for many years after high school. Important life events like marriage, children, divorce and illness, we weathered it all and then unfortunately drifted apart. I'm not even sure what the reason was, but after a chance encounter during Covid we were given a chance to reconnect. 

We have been able keep in touch these past 2 years through combined effort on both our parts as we work towards developing our newfound friendship. In early 2023 Linda was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Unfortunately she is much too familiar with cancer with this being the 3rd time she battling the disease. After some challenges and side effects from her chemo drugs she found a treatment that worked and tumours began to shrink, making it through Christmas, as was her wish, surrounded by family. 

The chemo drug has now stopped working and the tumours are growing again requiring a change in medication which after one treatment put her in the hospital for 10 days due to all of the side effects. Linda has now made the difficult decision to stop the drug protocols due to the extreme side effects she experienced. While talking to her recently about her decision, I can see she is not giving up. Instead she is focused on spending time with her family and grandchildren and enjoying quality of life. 

During a visit this week Linda mentioned she is struggling with a request from her children. Her daughters have asked that she write them each a letter and having very little experience with writing she is finding even just the thought of this very difficult. 

My mom had written a letter to her family and friends before she passed so I have some experience and understanding of what the girls might be looking for in a letter. As I talked to Linda about my own experience and my evolving journey with blogging, I found I was able to give her some helpful advice to get her started. I know it can be challenging to put thoughts and feelings onto paper and to get started. I showed her how to break it down into point form, considering each of their personalities, how they have grown as children into adults, spouses and mothers, while expressing the love and joy of past, present and future. 

We discussed how expressing herself in a letter can provide an ongoing connection for years and generations to come. I also mentioned writing with intention can be a powerful catalyst in strengthening the relationship her children have with each other after she is gone. Linda keeps a notebook close to her and as we talked she would pick it up from time to time and make notes. At one point she even said "thank you teacher". And in this moment I felt the ongoing value of the IHC requirement of blogging. And I was grateful for my efforts over the years that helped me to provide encouragement and wisdom to a friend in need.

 

Totals

Push ups & Sit ups: 900/8140
Hand form: 3/136
Weapon form: 6/126
KM: 18/232
AOK: 26/277
Sparring: 0/33
Blogs: 2/11
Yoga: 30min/6 hrs
Tai Chi: 13/139
MM:24/190

Contentment

I allow for the change of pace that occurs with the ongoing patterns of life. And as I watched the leaves flutter in the wind this afternoon, a feeling of contentment brought a smile to my face. In that tiny moment all felt right in the world. 

I'm fully aware of areas I've let slide this past week. There was no clear battle that occurred between mastery and mediocrity, just more of an occasional time out and a bit of give and take. Instead of feeling regret I'm finding more and more often these days how grateful and blessed I feel. Less regrets and less judgement of self.

Totals

Push ups: 1000/7240
Situps: 1000/7240
Hand form: 3/133
Weapon form: 20/120
KM: 34/214
AOK: 39/251
Sparring: 0/33
Blogs: 1/9
Yoga: 30min/5.5 hr
Tai Chi: 5/126
MM:24/166

I am Resilient

 

re·sil·ience -"the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties."

The quality of resiliency is one I've often attached to myself without completely understanding its meaning. Inner strength has often helped me to withstand adversity and power through. Even though I may have pushed through I don't know that it didn't come at the cost of extra emotional baggage. While I may have been great at facing adversity, I don't know how much wiser, stronger or smarter I grew or even if I recognized opportunities for growth. 

When I look back over my years training at Silent River Kung Fu, there is a definite connection between my life on the mats at the Kwoon and my growth as a student and as person. I realize now that without being aware, I was practicing and developing my ability to become more resilient and shedding some of the emotional baggage I had accumulated over the years. The person I am today is able to withstand and adjust to challenges while also seeking ways to understand lessons provided and move forward as a result.

My weapon this year is a great example of challenges and adversity. As I recently worked on my sword form and faced numerous challenges, I was reminded of the power of practicing resiliency and persevering through difficulties. My efforts paid off a few days ago in the form of an unexpected instructional video that enhances what I already have and will help better guide me in my pursuit of learning the Chinese straight sword. It is with ongoing effort and subsequent wins that empower a person to continued efforts and success. 

I am resilient. I am growing forward, becoming wiser, stronger and better able to focus and listen to my inner voice. 

Totals

Push ups: 600/6840
Situps: 600/6840
Hand form:18/130
Weapon form:4/100
KM: 29/180
AOK: 31/212
Sparring: 22/33
Blogs: 1/8
Yoga: 30min/5 hr
Tai Chi: 20/121
MM:30/142

Beta Form - Starting Again

I had discovered a great video to learn the Chinese straight sword form that included a back view and instructional commentary. The back view has been a huge benefit as I struggle with mirroring someone when learning a new form. The problem is the video only goes partway and then stops, requiring a subscription to learn the rest of the form. The remainder of the form is unfortunately no longer available. 

I got ahead of myself, failed to think things through and plan properly. Lesson learned. This has now presented a dilemma as we are already slightly over a month into the new year. Do I combine the section I already know and piece together a few more moves, creating my own form or do I start fresh and learn the Tai Chi Chinese Straight SwordYang style 32 form I had originally wanted to learn?

What helped me to decide was coming to the realization that the Tai Chi Straight Sword form is not mean't to be a one year only form. I knew this when choosing my weapon this year and yet somehow I temporarily veered off course. I was a bit too focused on the destination. This has been a much needed course correction and adjustment of my mindset.

While the decision may have been difficult at first, I quickly choose the more challenging path as I knew it to be the one that would serve me best. Even though I may be starting over, I'm heading in a direction I not only want to go but am meant to go. This particular weapon form is a great example of a journey rather than a destination.

Theodore Roosevelt - Quote - Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…

Totals

Push ups: 1250/6240
Situps: 1250/6240
Hand form:18/130
Weapon form:4/100
KM: 29/180
AOK: 31/212
Sparring: 22/33
Blogs: 1/8
Yoga: 30min/5 hr
Tai Chi: 20/121
MM:30/142

Embracing Excitement

I have been experiencing moments of excitement that bubble up inside me. Not just your normal happiness, but deep down to the core excitement, and it is truly an amazing feeling. The problem is there is a part of me that feels I am required to push down that excitement. It feels great and yet wrong at the same time. I find myself asking, is this excitement justified, is it real or is this just my ego at play? And where does being humble fit into all this?

If I want to be able embrace this feeling of excitement, I need to keep humbleness at the forefront. This will help to remind me I haven't arrived here solely on my own. I can then enjoy the feeling while also practicing gratitude and having an appreciation of everything and everyone that has contributed to this wonderful emotion. 

The previous 2 years on the IHC team I've had a word that was my guiding theme for the year. This was an idea that was inspired by Sihing Cosgrove and has served me well. Smile was the word I chose the first year and then joy was the word for last year. Nothing really called to me this year, nor did I give it much thought until recently. I've now decided to add 'embrace excitement' as my theme this year.

Totals

Push ups: 1100/4990
Situps: 1100/4990
Hand form:24/112
Weapon form:29/96
KM: 25/151
AOK: 30/181
Sparring: 2/11
Blogs: 1/7
Yoga: 30min/4.5 hr
Tai Chi: 19/101
MM:23/112

Why Am I Here?

I am a sponge absorbing lessons coming from numerous directions and grateful to be at a place in my training where I am better equipped to embrace and enjoy learning. When I stopped to think about everything I currently have on the go, I realized I'm currently working on 5 new forms.

Tai Chi classes are ongoing and is a personal goal as well. I’m also learning a new black belt form and the school butterfly knives form. Then there is also my Chinese straight sword form and just this week an opportunity presented itself to learn the 8 brocades of qigong, which I've added into my week.

As all of this is being absorbed, learned and integrated into my life and my kung fu, I am feeling more engaged and present. I can feel excitement building and bubbling to the surface. And it feels good!

I also encountered a few days later in the week where my mood dipped. Wham, just like that I went from feeling great to thinking I had just been fooling myself. There were a couple very stressful days at work that contributed to some mental overload. A perfect example of how quickly things can change and how it can affect my output. And just as quickly things turned back around. I had a conversation with a friend Friday night, read an article in Blackbelt magazine and attended 2nd degree class and open training.  

There are opportunities for engagement, opportunities for awareness, learning, and opportunities for adjustments and the discovery of oneself everywhere. Even during times when I feel efforts are not where they could be I am learning and evolving. This is mostly due to the habit of consistent blogging and reflection. The act of reflection, looking for and understanding the growth and positive aspects during some very stressful times in the past has carried me and propelled me forward. 

All great ongoing examples of why I am here. I am the person I am today because of what Kung Fu has done for me and continues to do for me.

Totals

Push ups: 900/3890
Situps: 900/3890
Hand form:27/88
Weapon form:23/67
KM: 33/126
AOK: 47/151
Sparring: 0/9
Blogs: 1/6
Yoga: 60min/4hr
Tai Chi: 25/82
MM:21/89

Tai Chi

I have been dabbling in Tai Chi for a number of years now. The first few sessions of Tai Chi were challenging. I often felt frustrated and overwhelmed. As an anxious person I would get stressed easily and over think everything which also affects my memory and coordination. Due to this the relaxation and meditative aspect of Tai Chi was almost at times completely lost on me. Looking back it was partially a case of adding too much onto my plate as I also navigated my Kung Fu, the IHC and chronic anxiety. 

Even though Tai Chi was a struggle it was also a huge benefit to the rest of my Kung fu. As the bumps started to smooth out I began to feel some flow within the easier pieces and this started to translate into my forms. After a number of starts and stops for different reasons I have come to a place where I feel the desire to learn and integrate Tai Chi into my life on and off the mats. Tai Chi is one of my personal goals this year and will blend in very nicely with my weapon, the Tai Chi straight sword.

I’m a much different Tai Chi student today than I was in the past. The person I am today is much more relaxed when it comes to learning and navigating new things. I’ve learned to slow down a bit and take things in instead of going to battle and trying to force something that isn’t quite there yet. As a result I’m feeling and noticing more. 

Tai Chi has the ability to change my mood from stressed or uptight to one of relaxation and awareness. In addition to the meditative aspects of Tai Chi I am making important discoveries. I am aware of when my heel starts to lift. I can feel my core engage and the difference it makes. And for the first time I’m beginning to understand and feel movement in my knees and how they relate to my 6 harmonies. With the connection and engagement of the knees I feel more grounded and an ease of movement in transitions. Even though these moments have been brief they are there and I am excited to build on them.

Totals

Push ups: 1130/2990
Situps: 1130/2990
Hand form:18/61
Weapon form:11/44
KM: 31/93
AOK: 42/104
Sparring: 2/9
Blogs: 1/5
Yoga: 60min/3hr
Tai Chi: 17/57
MM:26/68